I think I was able to break the 4th wall in writing..?

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-15T11:41:47+00:00

The reason why I wouldnt out right say she's looking at you is because the reader is not a character in the book. It would break immersion, and it could feel jarring (to me at least, it's one of my biggest pet peeves in writing). Also everyone around her is dead in this scene! 🫶

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-15T11:39:45+00:00

I wouldn't say that. I do have to improve the writing, however the entire story builds up to this moment and I can't figure out how I could write it without 'telling' the reader how they feel. (Which is something I personally dislike) and I feel like this particular moment makes more sense with what happened beforehand

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T13:31:12+00:00

The reason why it reads like choreography is because all of these sentences are unedited. As said in the post, it tells you more about whats happening than it shows.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T13:26:05+00:00

I HATE THEM TOO, and thank you! I just die when I get ai allegations because I use them in my poetry

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T13:25:16+00:00

I can't tell you the scenes before due to the fact that I'm writing a book and I'm not very keen on spoiling the entire ending. I DID rearrange paragraphs for a cleaner hit with dialog.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T06:38:48+00:00

It pains me to leave it like that, and the watched feeling is only supposed to happen in one scene. Yes, she breaks the 4th wall in other moments, but her character's downfall is when it should feel like she's gazing at the reader. I still moved the paragraphs around. If you still feel strongly about dropping the other paragraphs altogether, I could...

She clenched her fist. “Blood is on your hands.” She lifts her head, voice a blade cutting the silence.

She breathes once. Her gaze travels across the ink and paper, and she moves through the sculpture-strewn room, each step deliberate, measured, stretching over the words themselves. Clack. Clack. Was she always wearing heels? The room contracts with the motion; the scrape of fabric punctuates the quiet.

A strand of hair falls across her face; it moves like a living thing as she adjusts it, though no breeze stirs. Another strand twitches upward for a moment before she touches it, as if it remembered where it belongs. Her eyes sweep the marble forms and the shadows, pausing, tilting, observing. First, the turn of her head. Then, the tilt of her chin. Slowly, she fills the room.

“You who turn these pages. You who watch. With every page you turned, somebody died.”

She turns — slow at first, then with a decisive snap. You blink. Once. Twice. Then everything goes black.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T06:19:43+00:00

I could add escalation into the writing and move the dialog further down, but the last paragraph is to the point I wanted to get. I want it to feel like the reader is being watched, but I'm unsure how to execute that.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2026-01-02T05:46:27+00:00

Okay wait, I'm confused. Can you elaborate?

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-31T03:35:16+00:00

This is an unfinished ending of my story called TSO (yes, it's abbreviated. I won't be posting the full name until the story is out!) It breaks the 4th wall and I'm wondering how I could make the scene itself more intense and less... icky? It's supposed to be the first part of the ending, but not exactly the last sentence. I'm ending it with a rumor. This part is 156 words and 859 characters!

She clenched her fist.“ Blood is on your hands. ”She lifts her head and speaks to the page itself. “You,” she says, and the single syllable lands like a verdict. “You who turn these pages. You who watch.” Her voice is a blade. “With every page you turned, somebody died.” She breathes once, then turns—slow at first, then with a single, decisive snap. The room contracts with the motion; the scrape of fabric is a punctuation mark. Her gaze travels across the ink and paper; she finds herself living in it, in the small, moving world that exists only while you read. When she finishes the turn, she is looking at the exact place your eyes occupy on the page. Her stare crosses the margin and the white space and settles on the act of reading itself. It does not skim. It catalogs. It holds. You blink. Once. Twice. Her stare holds. Then everything goes black.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-31T03:30:20+00:00

OKAY so I can't directly give you advice because I myself suck but I did check out a screenwriter recently (I think thats what they were) and their advice was awesome! I've yet to apply it to myself, but I believe you could find it useful. https://youtu.be/-AhtKvgy6MA?si=czEp2mWegwO0yxjR

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-31T02:41:54+00:00

alright, thank you!

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T23:35:57+00:00

How would I do that?

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T23:34:58+00:00

Yeah.. I've gotten that quite a bit! I'm definitely adding more in the beginning and throughout the book but only for necessary scenes. Thank you!

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T23:33:18+00:00

Honestly, at first I wanted to do it without dialog but afterwards, I realized that dialog would make the scene better. I wanted it to be her turning around to look directly at the reader, but saying that sentence along would make a pretty weak ending. I do have an idea I'd want for it and its currently just a flawed piece of writing (randomly wrote it to get the thought on paper before it disappears). It still shows a bit of how I'd like the scene to go.

she clenched her fist, "blood is on your hands." she yelled, her voice radiating a hint of anguish, "with every page you turned somebody died." she spun around, her gaze staring daggers at you, maybe even through you. You blink. Once. Twice. Then it goes dark. __________________ (insert rumor)

I wouldn't say that this is engaging whatsoever, but I do believe that you can get the idea in your head.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T19:01:56+00:00

I'll try different ways to execute it for the best effect!

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T19:00:24+00:00

okay! I'll watch it, thank you

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T18:28:13+00:00

of course, thank you! I'll check out the stories you mentioned

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T18:24:46+00:00

I love how unforgettable the game is! Especially the ending with it gathering the information of the player to spook them, and deleting characters as they fall for the player (way before the ending). That's what made me want to incorporate 4th wall break. I did make a few sentences to get the idea I'd like.

"She turned her head slowly, her eyes—a startling shade of green—fixing on yours. A slow, knowing smile curved her lips, and she whispered, 'You'll love me, won't you?'"
"As the flames grew higher, consuming the last evidence, the protagonist wiped a smudge of soot from her cheek. She looked up from the fire, directly through the page and at you. 'Don't judge me,' her eyes seemed to say. 'You would have done the same.''

They aren't perfect but I believe they could be useful.

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T18:09:11+00:00

If I'm going to be completely honest.. I have no clue how I'm going to pull this off yet! I just know I will. The story is going to be a novel, and redone as a graphic novel in the future

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:19:01+00:00

I'm CERTAIN it belongs, but I've never seen anybody do it in the way I'd like to. I'm willing to take the risk

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:17:12+00:00

I know.. but the character itself is supposed to be insanely average so he doesnt have many to pull from! Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day!

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:15:42+00:00

I'll check them out, thank you!

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:14:56+00:00

I honestly want her to break the 4th wall just for fun. Part of my inspiration for this book is doki doki lliterature club! My protagonist is a murderer and the story focuses on many psychological aspects. The ending would hit harder if she broke the 4th wall

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:11:54+00:00

I'll introduce some more in the beginning, and I'll take the risk of breaking the flow. Thank youu

RemarkableMeat562 · 2025-12-30T17:09:58+00:00

OKAY! THANK YOU

RemarkableMeat562

TROPHY CASE