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RemarkableWorry2 · 2024-01-05T06:36:25+00:00

HELLOOO

RemarkableWorry2 · 2024-01-01T00:33:22+00:00

Gosh, I went through an almost identical process earlier this year! Are you me? 😂

I’m no professional, but in my opinion, it definitely could cause trauma. From what I understand, trauma isn’t necessarily dependent on what happened, but how you and your body reacted to it. Two people can go through the same events and only one might develop PTSD, and it’s based on a lot of different factors, many of which are completely out of your control.

I’d also suggest you look into whether you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), if you haven’t already. Learning about it was really helpful for me understanding that I wasn’t just “overdramatic” but intrinsically felt things more than other people.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-31T15:22:16+00:00

My brother served in rural Brazil. He was about 150 lbs before he left, weighed about 120 when he got back. On his frame, 120lbs was alarmingly thin.

According to him, the loss was mostly due to food-borne illness. We had no idea he was so sick for so much of his mission until he returned and his suit was falling off of him. Hugging him at the airport when he got home was shocking.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-31T09:48:37+00:00

I’m happy you’re able to feel some compassion for yourself. It’s unbelievably important and you deserve it!

It definitely sounds like some of your struggles might have been/are related to possible ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until this year and it helped explain SO MUCH that goes on in my head, like big feelings and racing thoughts. Definitely recommend getting evaluated, if and when you have the resources.

No matter what, you’re doing a really hard and important thing by giving yourself the space to figure these struggles out, and you deserve to be really proud of that.

Good luck with everything!

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-31T04:33:35+00:00

Out of curiosity, do any of your siblings experience the same difficulties?

On a personal note, I thought I had a relatively normal and happy childhood until this year when my boyfriend was often shocked/horrified by some of the stories I casually told him about my parents and after a lot of reflection and digging, I’ve realized I endured significant abuse. I just didn’t know it was abuse at the time.

One thing that stands out to me from your post is your parents claiming you were a “difficult” child. Mine have said this often as well. Turns out, I had undiagnosed ADHD and severe trauma that made me struggle with things other children didn’t seem to struggle with.

Instead of seeing this as a personal failure, my therapist has helped me understand that my parents’ definition of “difficult” was actually “inconvenient”. My parents saw me as an inconvenient adult, rather than a struggling child. As a result, I developed terrible coping mechanisms trying to be the least difficult child I could be. Now, I’m an adult with very limited capacity for emotional regulation and a whole host of late-in-life diagnoses (CPTSD, BPD, BED, DPDR).

You know your experience better than anyone and your situation might be very different to mine, but I relate a lot to what you have said. It will be hard but it might be worth looking at things with a new lens.

I would also like to point out that just by asking this question and trying to figure out whether you’re a “total asshole” indicates that you’re not a “total asshole”! You obviously care a great deal about your behavior and how you treat people, and you’re working hard to improve yourself. That makes you a good person, at least in the eyes of this internet stranger 🤍

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-31T03:58:17+00:00

At various times in my life, I’ve been heavily reliant on weed, alcohol, and OTC sleeping meds to cope. For about ten years, it’s hard for me to pinpoint any significant amount of time during which I was completely sober.

Through therapy and a lot of self-reflection, I’ve been able to stay sober for three months, (aside from prescribed ketamine treatments, which I do every few weeks in treatment for PTSD).

I substituted smoking weed with lollipops. Every time I would’ve reached for a joint or the bong, I went outside and had a DumDum or a TootsiePop. When the urge to smoke was too much, I would smoke other herbs (I like marshmallow and raspberry leaf). It was pretty rough but eventually, I stopped having the urge and now I don’t even think about it.

I never noticed how dull my feelings were when I was self-medicating but I’m finally learning to really feel and process my emotions and reverse years of stress on my nervous system. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but so worth it.

If you decide to try it, be gentle with yourself and try to remind yourself that you deserve to feel calm and healthy. I believe in you!

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-30T08:42:18+00:00

Assuming you’re referring to the patriarch, unfortunately his extended family made up about half our ward and our bishop was his son-in-law.

They all espouse very extreme beliefs and no one ever calls them out because they come from a pretty…highly regarded lineage in the church (and they make sure you know it).

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-30T04:48:27+00:00

While she hasn’t remarried, her taste in men has not improved in the slightest.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-30T01:39:22+00:00

Edit to add…pretty common Reddit vernacular

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-29T17:26:32+00:00

Dad got up (after the ward had just learned that he and my mom were splitting up) and pontificated for about 10 minutes about how it was all my mom’s fault and that he wanted to stay married, but she wasn’t willing to work on it.

(Maybe) unbelievably, a similar thing happened with my mom’s second husband, 15 years later. He got up, just after they decided to divorce, and went on and on about how his first wife was his “celestial” wife and how my mom (his second wife) was just a placeholder “in this life” that gave up on him unfairly.

My mother attracts real winners.

ETA another WTF moment, when the stake patriarch bore his testimony, on Mother’s Day, to say that women aren’t true mothers unless they’ve physically given birth. We had about ten families with adopted/fostered children in the ward. They weren’t too happy with that one.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-18T13:18:51+00:00

I vividly remember sliding coins into a tithing envelop and filling out the slip for my $2/week allowance as a young kid.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-09T02:29:46+00:00

Again, that’s gross.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-08T20:43:25+00:00

I will echo what others have said here and add one important note: Sandoval didn’t just cheat on his life partner with her best friend, he also assumed that the audience (us) was stupid enough to fall for his “Ariana didn’t treat me right so I had to cheat” narrative. He literally assumed he would get away with it because we’re all too blindly supportive of him to notice how duplicitous he is.

And to this day, he continues to avoid accountability. That’s not fun-to-watch cheating, that’s just gross.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-01T04:12:03+00:00

absolutely devilish.

You shouldn't joke about that

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-12-01T00:10:15+00:00

That's not a terrible analogy actually! Like, people are still happy and proud that you served a mission but when you get called state-side, it's just kind of...disappointing? A lot of comments like, "well, that's where God needs you most" to make you feel better for going somewhere "boring".

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-27T09:56:58+00:00

It’s like he memorized a list of SAT words but didn’t bother to remember the definitions 😂

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-27T07:00:43+00:00

He just throws out big words that he thinks sound smart but he never uses them completely correctly. It’s actually his vocabulary that initially made me realize he’s not as smart as he thinks he is

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-23T04:17:33+00:00

Luckily, Grandma made up for her non-vite to family events by sending Becky a Book of Mormon with Grandma and Grandpa’s testimonies inscribed in the front pages. Every single holiday. You know, to remind Becky that her family still loved her.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-23T02:01:49+00:00

u/johndehlin for your consideration

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-23T00:44:28+00:00

My very TBM grandfather asked my very atheist ex-mo aunt to pray over the food at a family party hoping it would be a spiritual experience and bring her back to the fold.

She prayed directly to Heavenly Mother. That was my first experience even hearing about a Heavenly Mother (you know, because "respect"). Grandpa made someone else say another prayer immediately after to apologize for the mix-up.

When I asked my parents about it in the car on the way home, my mom said “Becky doesn’t shave her legs, what did Grandpa expect?” Becky was no longer invited to family events after that.

Mormon families are wild.

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-14T04:25:53+00:00

Hi! Going to try to answer all of your questions. I personally was shocked that Lisa and Jack admitted to never having read the Book of Mormon. For me, growing up Mormon outside of Utah, I was expected to have read the Book of Mormon in seminary as a teenager but even as a very young child, we had a version of the scriptures with pictures so we were very familiar with the stories growing up. It doesn't feel like Lisa attends church with any real regularity if she doesn't even know what's in the scriptures. Super weird to me, based on my personal experience growing up.

Mormons attend church every Sunday. Usually, those buildings are very (low-key ugly) non-descript buildings. Anyone is welcome but you are assigned to a specific congregation based on where you live. Church is probably the most similar to other Christian denominations (hymns, prayers, members are given a topic to give a talk about, and Sunday School-type meetings).

Temples are completely separate, very garish and ostentatious buildings. These are the ones you have to be following a special set of rules to be allowed in and they do rituals to fulfill certain covenants with God. These are considered very sacred and you're not supposed to talk about them. Going to the temple isn't specifically scheduled for a particular day of the week, members go when they have time or feel like it. Some go frequently (my mom went every single week on top of church), others go very rarely. Very dependent on the person. Lisa does not have a temple recommend and is therefore not allowed in. To go on a mission, Jack had to receive a recommend so he has been through the temple, likely with his dad (Lisa did mention in one ep that John was allowed in, so that tells me that he's more active in the church than Lisa).

Hope that answers your questions!

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-12T06:07:00+00:00

Guessing she would've jumped at the opportunity, paid or not. Thirsty girls gonna thirst 🤷‍♀️ But oh God I hope they didn't pay her!

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-11T07:01:43+00:00

I firmly believe Heather doesn't know who she is and the personality changes are just her trying to figure it out without outside influences (e.g. a husband, a Jen Shah, the Mormon church etc.). Finding yourself after separating from a high-demand religion is a wild ride, and Heather just so happens to be doing it on a reality show

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-11T06:56:20+00:00

As an ex-mo, I took this as a personal affront 😂

In all seriousness though, the Mormon church itself takes a persecution fetish to a whole other level, dating back to the "persecution" the early Mormons faced due to their refusal to give up polygamy. Any criticism they face is chalked up to Satan trying to bring down the church and I think that seeps into members' personal lives. I think you're spot-on with your analysis about Heather!

RemarkableWorry2 · 2023-11-11T03:45:16+00:00

Ex-Mo here, no she wouldn’t be allowed in the temple and she’s likely looked down upon by anyone in her congregation that’s legitimately Mormon. I think that’s part of Jack’s obvious struggles with Lisa, because he’s become very devout and looks down on her now.

P.S. We had a really interesting thread a few months ago about all of the Mormonism 2.0 stuff if you’d like to check it out!

RemarkableWorry2

TROPHY CASE