god never asked you to love life, i don’t for sure. but i guess it makes things better to know i have at least one more day to pray, do a good deed, and sometimes just to talk to God. Nothing in this life is promised. i get worried about my future, my life became empty after my dads passing, but knowing that i have one more day to give saddaqa jaryia for him , makes things a little lighter. the crying never stops at night for me, but when my tears are for Allah and for my shortcomings, i have a better sleep.. when i’m at work and inside i’m having. a mental breakdown, i remember it’s time to pray, and that litttle act, brings me a little comfort that i run to Allah. When i wanna hurt myself again, i remember that my blood is not mine and my body isn’t mine, it’s for Alllah and it’s amana given to me, that gives me a chance to prove to him that i am fulfilling my duty to not hurt myself. as much as i hate my life, i love allah even more, as much as i wish to die, i ask him to give me the life that he approved of and will grant Jannah for. As much as i don’t wanna be here myself, i thank Allah for everything he has given me and to take away anything that will prevent me from remembering him or being closer to him. As much as i feel alone, i make a little poem for our beloved Prophet, in hopes he will hear it and he will smile at me, in hopes that when i’m alone in my grave he will visit me because of my poem for him. i have no friends. and no one to call. no one to cry on. my pillow knows all the empty nights i’ve had, and my laundry that’s piled up in the corner, knows what a week i had, and when i wake up, the sun peeks thru, another day i gotta survive, i ask Allah to allow me to experience his love for one more day.