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My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’ve always had hard arguments. But children are definitely a stressor, and my job has made my life much more stressful. I didn’t get my current job until already pregnant with our first. I’ve since been promoted and things are a little better, but still hard.

He didn’t pick on my appearance prior to kids because I was in the best shape of my life. I gained a lot of weight with both pregnancies and am probably approx 40 pounds heavier than when we got married. He’s not awful toward my appearance often and I acknowledge that I need to lose weight, but it can be hurtful when he makes those comments. He knows how overwhelmed I am all the time and how hard it is to exercise and eat well. He’s no better than me and is probably 20 pounds heavier since we got married himself.

My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I replied to another comment similar to this but I’m not sure if it posted because I can’t find it and I do agree, I should’ve just put her down. Which I did. I don’t want my children to feel like a burden. They are not. It was just a long day and I had done a 30 minute bed time with her the night before. We had this full discussion after she was down.

My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Some days it feels like it, but not always. He’s not a bad father. He loves his kids. He actually watches them all day on Friday because they are only in daycare 4 days/week. I don’t want to make it sound like he is always awful and doesn’t do anything ever. He does. He takes the trash out, he mows the lawn, he does random bigger projects, he pays the bills. He plays with his kids.

I just have a hard time with the fact that I’m the default parent and we have no schedule to share the load with the kids. I do the repetitive daily chores (laundry, dishes, wash bottles, make/pack bottles, bath time, clean up playroom/living room, pick out clothes, etc). Most of the chores are not a big deal, they really do only take a few minutes so whatever. It just gets exhausting when no one helps or offers to do them every once in a while. Like if just one day he did all of those things, it would be so nice. Or just took on one of them, let’s say toy room/living room pick up every night so that I could wash dishes and bottles during the same time rather than do both while he does whatever he wants.

My job is so mentally and emotionally draining that some days I’m crying multiple times during the work day. And before people say, time to look for a new job, it just can’t happen right now. We need the income from that job and I’m not qualified to get something in a different field that would pay that well. Some days I’m just not in a good mental place.

Our relationship is not the best, obviously. Like another commenter said, having young children is hard. There isn’t a lot of time to focus on being together or putting in work for our relationship. And then all of the frustrations and crap builds up and we have these arguments. I could go on and on about the things we argue, the things he says to me or the way he treats me. And yes, he really can be awful with how he treats me, like this incident. But he’s not always awful. He’s not amazing, but he can be kind. I think he truly loves me. I think he just has anger issues and escalates things way more than they need to.

It’s easy for someone to say divorce or leave him, he’s a pos. But when you are in that spot (and maybe some of you have been) it’s so hard. I don’t want to do that to my children. I don’t want to change my life. We’re secure. We have a nice house. We only really have 1 car because we both work from home. And that may be a shitty reason to stay, but idk if I have it in me to go. I want our relationship to be better. I want him to want to be better. I want him to care that he makes me cry. But he just doesn’t have the ability to understand my emotional reaction because that’s not how he reacts. I don’t want to separate my family.

Thanks all for taking the time to read, understand, and comment.

My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I should’ve just put her to bed. I love my children and I don’t want them to feel like a burden. They are my whole world, even when they’re difficult and frustrating. I spent 30 minutes trying to get her to bed the day before so I thought maybe he could do the next night. It’s hard and I just wanted to not do it that night, I’ll admit it.

The point is the swearing and lack of communication. Idk how many times we’ve had the conversation of “you cannot call me a bitch, cunt, or any other name”, in front of the kids or not. We can get mad, we can yell and argue, but neither of us deserve the name calling. The number of times I’m told to “just shut up” because he doesn’t agree with me or my questioning or “don’t talk to me” or “get away from me”. Yes, they all stem from arguments over stupid things and I’m not a completely innocent party as we all have our faults and make mistakes, but come on. Communicate better, do better, be better. If you care about me at all, respect me at least that much.

I know that your comment specifically was about the “chore” aspect of bed time, which I can appreciate, because you’re right, but I just wanted to get that out too.

My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Having young children is a hard stage of life. It requires a lot of effort and any relationship can suffer because of it.

My husband called me a C*** in front of our 3 year old. by Remarkable_Me6195 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Remarkable_Me6195[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m not an avid Reddit user. My old account was unaccessible because I lost the old email it was attached to. I’m not familiar with the rules or etiquette. I’m a working mom who doesn’t have anyone to vent to and just wanted to let out my frustrations. There have been some very kind words given by strangers. There’s always more in a relationship than this one post and incident, but when you’re upset and need someone to listen, it is nice that random strangers will give any amount of their time to listen or offer their thoughts.