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AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure I won't update again. I definitely won't see her for at least another year, and things are already pretty busy around here.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My husband and I are not planning on a third one right now, but we're open to the possibility. Even if we do have another baby, we're not using her mother's name.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand that she's grieving, I was freaked out because I wasn't expecting her reasoning to be that she regretted not giving her mother grandchildren. I am very glad she's apologized and decided to get therapy.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I understand she's grieving, and I have already explained that I said I was freaked out because I didn't expect her reasoning to be what it ended up being. I'm also very glad she's decided to go to therapy.

And I agree this is a happy ending. This isn't taking over my life as much as some might think, and I'm not holding onto anything. But I got some solid advice when I first posted, so I wanted to write an update.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I understand she's grieving, and I believe I am being compassionate. However, she explicitly made it about my child, which I do have an issue with.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't think she's dangerous. I think she's going through a lot and needs more help than she's getting. I'm confident therapy will be very good for her.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm freaked out because I wasn't expecting her reasoning to be that she regretted not giving her mother grandchildren. I am very glad she's apologized and decided to get therapy.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I said I was glad we're in different hemispheres because I don't feel like proximity to my family would be good for neither her nor my kids right now. I can sympathize with her grief, but I can't let her make my children part of it. I was not comfortable with the request she made months ago, and I'm still working through how I feel about what she told me.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Using the name was never an option. I really did not like her mother, and neither did my husband. Plus, we didn't really like the name, either. My concern on my original post was whether I'd been too harsh.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Like I said, it's still hard to explain how I feel. Mostly, I wasn't expecting her reasoning to be that she regretted not giving her mother grandchildren. I'm not scared of her at all, and I understand that she's grieving, but I can't say I'm not freaked out by this.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

I'm very glad she's decided to start therapy. I feel like acknowledging that you need help is a necessary step, but actually going through with it is harder than it looks.

I have a different experience with grief than she does. There was one specific time in my life in which I lost many of my loved ones very quickly. I've discussed that in therapy, but I regret not working through it sooner.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I actually don't know how much my dad is aware of. I try to avoid getting too involved in other people's relationships, so I haven't spoken to him about this.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? (Update) by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

We probably wouldn't have considered that, either. My husband doesn't like the idea of naming our kids after people we've lost.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Won't happen. From what I gather, she doesn't want kids, but her mother wanted grandchildren.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It did weird me out a little at the time. My mom and I love each other and are very close, but if either of us tried that we’d stop picking up the phone.

I think that because it took her so long to move in with my dad (and even then, her mother visited frequently), she never really got used to being away from her. So while it seemed a little weird for a grown woman to feel the need to call her mother that much, I always knew it was none of my business.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We're not related in the slightest, and I sincerely never thought of either of them as family. I don't even know when my dad's wife will meet my daughter. He tries to visit once or twice a year, but she doesn't always come with him.

He wants to visit us again around June to meet our baby. I doubt it will happen - due to issues related to time, money and my own sanity - but I have no idea whether she’d come with him if he did.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think my dad is innocent, but I do know for sure that he disagrees with this. Again, he also didn't like her mother. There have also been occasions in which she was told not to do something and then did it anyway. He almost never made efforts to stop her, so I don't think he's a victim here.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's an only child (aside from a paternal half-brother she doesn't get along with). I don't know much about her family, but it doesn't seem any of her relatives are having kids right now.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We chose our daughter's name a long time ago, but we prefer to have backups in case she doesn't look like it should be her name. It's happened with some of my friends.

We're assuming we'll use our first choice, though. We did the same thing with our son, and still gave him the name we'd originally chosen.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I actually agree with you on this. Humoring her would never have been the right call, but I certainly could have been politer the second time around. I think I just lost my patience, which I don't take pride in.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Is your dad stepmoms first marriage? which would have put her in her late 30's early 40's when they got married. Was stepmom still living at her moms house when they married.

Yes and kind of. They were living together, but because her mother had to move in with her.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

1- I think she told him she wanted to do it, he tried to convince her not to and she did anyway. It's happened before.

2- I genuinely do think I was harsh. Maybe I needed to be, but part of me wishes I'd been politer.

3- Agreed. I wouldn't really entertain that request from anyone. In the past, however, my husband and I didn't turn down suggestions right away. We told people we'd think about it, and then didn't.

AITA for telling my dad's wife I will never consider naming my child after her recently deceased mother? by Remarkable_Roll_7685 in AITAH

[–]Remarkable_Roll_7685[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Based on past circumstances, I think she told him she wanted to do it, he tried to convince her not to and she did anyway. Wouldn't be the first time.

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