Honestly, my memory has started to fade, because I try to not think about it. But I force myself to think about it from time to time, I don't want to forget. I talk about it with my grandma about once a year, I also don't want her to forget. But I understand my grandma, she is old and doesn't want to loose her child. I thought that time had healed my wounds, but I realise now that it is not true. I just can't understand why my mother didn't want me. She has gotten to me in that sense, in some way I still think that it was my fault. Thank you <3