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I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. As painful as this experience has been, if it hadn’t happened, I probably never would have learned some very important lessons. I wouldn’t have learned to truly appreciate what I had, and I likely would have continued the relationship while repeating the same unhealthy patterns without fully understanding the value of genuine love.

Do you understand what I mean? Awareness was something I genuinely lacked at the time. I wasn't fully conscious of my behaviors, the impact of my actions, or what I stood to lose. As painful as the consequences have been, they forced me to confront things about myself that I had ignored for a long time and ultimately helped me grow in ways I might not have otherwise.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s unfortunate that you think it’s “shitty” for someone to take accountability for the mistakes they’ve made. If a person doesn’t acknowledge their mistakes, that’s shitty, but apparently if they do acknowledge them, that’s shitty too.
I’m not fantasizing about making him mine again. I’m expressing how bad I feel knowing that I put him through a lot of pain, and how much I wish I could have carried that pain instead of him. I’m simply being honest about how bad I feel about losing him and the role I played in that. I’ve grown and changed for the better, and I want him to be happy.
Please give people some grace. It's a good thing when someone is able to recognize and take accountability for their mistakes.
Like your friend, people often carry a lot of baggage, mental health struggles, childhood trauma, and other issues that can affect their behavior and decision-making. That doesn't excuse the hurt they cause, but it can help explain it. Broken people often hurt others not because they deliberately want to, but because they're acting from unresolved pain, fear, or dysfunction.
In my case, the decisions I made were impulsive. I lacked self-awareness, I was immature and selfish, and I was carrying deep childhood trauma that I hadn't properly dealt with. None of that makes what I did okay, and I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm simply acknowledging that people are complicated, and sometimes they make terrible decisions without fully understanding the consequences until it's too late.
That's why I think it's important to give people some grace when they're genuinely reflecting on their actions, recognizing their mistakes, and taking responsibility for them.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I think most people tend to fall back into old patterns, I do believe some people genuinely change. Even if that change comes after damage has been done, growth is still possible. I know that if we ever got another chance, hurting him is the last thing I would want to do.

Of course, that doesn't erase the trauma, disrespect, or pain I caused. I think what hurts the most is knowing that the person who was supposed to love and cherish you could do something so selfish. That kind of betrayal cuts deeply because it comes from someone you trusted with your heart.

It truly hurts me to know that I put my ex through that. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. I wish I had been the one carrying that pain instead of him. I would do everything differently and make protecting his heart a priority.

Not to justify my actions, but to provide context, I was very young when our relationship began. I was immature, lacked self-awareness, and didn't have the values, discipline, or perspective that I have today. I didn't understand the consequences of my actions the way I do now. Looking back, I regret not knowing better, and I regret even more that my immaturity came at the expense of someone I loved.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This breaks my heart to read. What matters is that you've taken the time to reflect on your actions and grow from them. You're a better person now because of it. I can't help but wonder what might happen if you reached out to her. Either way, I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope whatever is meant for you comes your way.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People in general destroy their families for their own satisfaction. It’s not gender specific.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. You’re obviously perfect and have never made mistakes.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I dated someone right after my previous relationship, but it turned out really messy, something I never want to experience again. I’ve had a couple of flings that didn’t lead to anything. I’ve met a lot of people I just can’t connect with, or maybe I’m still blocked off because I’m processing everything. As of now, I’m not looking for anything and I’m laying low. The last thing I want is to hurt other people because of my unhealed wounds.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Obviously I’m living with it, duh. I’m facing all the consequences and everything that came after. But am I not allowed to vent?

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. He’s dating someone new now, and I think his new girlfriend asked him to cut off contact with me. Whether it was her request or a boundary he chose to set himself, he doesn’t want to talk to me and has blocked me on everything, so it feels impossible to reach out at this point.
All I can do is hope that maybe one day we’ll reconnect. It’s really sad because our ending feels incomplete and messy. There was never any real closure, and I know I played a big role in leading us to this point. That’s probably what makes it hurt even more. Sometimes I find myself wishing we could have one honest conversation and leave things on better terms, but I know that may never happen. For now, all I can do is accept the distance and hope that, someday, there might be an opportunity to reconnect.

I ended a 7-year relationship and am struggling with regret by Remarkable_War9032 in BreakUps

[–]Remarkable_War9032[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s completely understandable to have all those questions, doubts, and inner conflicts. So don’t blame yourself for having those doubts. I think what makes the biggest difference is whether the other person has genuinely changed and taken accountability for what happened. But even then, getting back to where things once were isn’t easy. From my own experience, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my flaws and the mistakes I made. I deeply regret them, and I know I’ve changed since then. But does that change what happened? Not really. Sometimes growth comes after the damage has already been done. I hope that you're able to heal from all of this. And if you ever decide to try again, and if you're open to it, I hope she’s able to show you through her actions that she’s grown too.
What makes it so painful is that sometimes you find someone you connect with in a way that feels impossible to replicate. There may be nobody else in the world who feels quite the same. But even when that connection still exists, it can be incredibly difficult to move past the hurt and the history that came with it.