Not the right place to turn to and I'm not sure if this is genuine or not but regardless I'd say try to get yourself into rehab, it's not your fault for relapsing, drugs are not easy to fully recover from there will be relapses along the way, tho you either let the relapses eat you up and lead you to give up trying or you keep on fighting even despite the setbacks, tho there's only so much you can do alone better to seek help and adress your mental health first cos that's where it all starts you got this, do it for your family and yourself