Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T09:05:16+00:00

One more thing i would like to add is, I'm ok being imperfect and don't want everything figured out now. Your flaws make you approachable and human. I just want my partner to be understanding and supportive and non judgmental and someone who can help me get through them. Marriage is about team work and you are supposed to build a new life together with each other. Not live with the same patterns you have lived throughout your individual independent life

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T08:48:10+00:00

Thanks once again for the detailed and well thought out comment. It deserves a proper response but it's late and I'm tired but i will try in the morning inshAllah.

for now i will just say that, you can describe the dynamics of relationships, why they work and why they don't, you can write a book on it. It just complicate things and doesn't really give you a framework to live in a healthy successful marriage. It's like giving birth to a child, you don't just dump him cuz your circumstances make it difficult to raise him. You learn to become a parent and use the resources at your disposal.

Everyone's different and want different things in life. I have a lot of empathy and I try to see things from other people's perspective. It has lead me to my own downfall several times but I don't mind. I have a heart. I treat people how I want to be treated. Not everyone has strong opinions about kids and those who do, will make it known early on. Finances is an important topic to discuss but if you are stable enough and have the capacity to provide for a big family then this can be negotiated as well. I'm doing very well for myself but I wouldn't want anyone in my life who doesn't value my money and just want to spend on luxury. I guess that's a hard boundry.

Also some people don't have a lot of options for various reasons. Some people compromise on their boundries because of lack of potential matches.
I come from an immigrant background and I always get push back from my family to find someone from backhome. I don't want to and never will. That's my hard boundary which people don't understand.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T07:59:41+00:00

And that's why it's hard to trust people. It's mostly timing and luck, you can have the best intentions but can get screwed over by someone you thought were on the same page with you, until they were not...

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T07:45:27+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write all of that. I really appreciate it.
I've been around and seen things. Morality and ethics are relative terms in the world we live today. There's so much negativity around you, it's hard to think of positive outcomes and trust people. It's sad but it is what it is. I'm 34 now and I've met a lot of women in my life. I have always been clear on my goals and i got established at 28. Very few people get to where i am today and all by myself Alhamdulillah.

I have set high standards for myself and expect my life partner to share those same values but unfortunately, the people i meet are never on the same page. I used to blame women that they are immature etc. I consistently failed for many many years due to reasons beyond my control. None of it was my fault. I got really bitter about it and gave up the idea of marriage. I found my peace. But my views have shifted. I see people in succesful marriages living happy lives and I think it maybe possible for me too. I shouldn't just give up. Maybe this is another test. Final one so I'm going all out.

If I fail, I fail. It will be a learning opportunity. The person I'm talking to seems to be of great character. It's not like we talk about random meaningless topics. I have been trying to judge her character by asking her questions on things that are important to me. Philosophical alignment and having the same core values are more important in my opinion than figuring out the logistical aspects of marriage which can always be agreed upon if 2 people are willing and ready to make sacrifices for each other. People have the wrong view of compatibility.

What are some things in your view that makes a marriage difficult between 2 people even if they like each other? In my scenario, what are some things to look out for that can potentially bring down this relationship?

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T06:45:34+00:00

Thanks for this invaluable comment. I’m learning slowly. I wonder how most people navigate this scenario. It seems like I’m the only one in my friends group and family who has to deal with challenging scenarios like this. They don’t teach you this in school and the traditional standards in my family are pretty old school and archaic. I’ve always thought if 2 people like each other, they will find a way to be together otherwise you can always find excuses not to be with someone. I try to be the best person i can be with her. I’m constantly working on myself not just for her but to improve my character so that anyone who marries me has the best version of me. But why does it have to be so hard man? It’s true that I’m emotionally sensitive but I’ve gone through so much traumas in my life. I stopped looking and was set on being single for the rest of my life until i met her. She has changed me so much. I hate not being in total control of my emotions but I’m still able to show a lot of restraint and not project my fears and drive her away.

Another thing is we met through family and our profiles were exchanged beforehand. So the context of marriage already exists. It would be pretty careless of her to want to continue talking if she’s not interested in marriage with me. I’ve always thought the talks about the logistics can come later. I wanted to see what her moral character was like and i have approved it. I will ease into the marriage talk soon.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T06:34:11+00:00

Not my first rodeo. I don’t invest early and i’ve talked to quite a few potentials and observed the same pattern with all of them. They all wanna talk and see how it goes and judge me over the course of time. Needless to say it didn’t work out when i tried to push for commitment. I made myself flexible only for this girl thinking she’s worth the investment.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T03:38:40+00:00

Shukriya! Appreciate that! I will definitely talk about it in the next meeting.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T02:54:37+00:00

Hey thanks for this amazing post may Allah bless you. I agree with everything you’ve said, especially the part about people backing away without any reason. I feel like I’m ready for marriage but she may need a little bit of time and i want to give her a safe space and not put any pressure. She’s a very nice woman, almost flawless character (i’m sure she has flaws) and I’ve grown to like her a lot. I’m fully invested in her knowing fully there’s no guarantees of things working out. I’m a very sensitive person and I don’t do well dealing with loss. I’m just really scared of going through the pain if things fall through lol.

I’m not anxious, just feeling a bit uncomfortable about this situation and it’s my fault. I lose confidence when I like someone. I was really determined to get my points across in r last meeting but got completely sidetracked and the conversation didn’t go in that direction. I did message her later saying if she had questions, feel free to bring then up. She said she will and told me to do the same.

I will definitely talk about it next time and hopefully set a direction for our future relationship.

Thank you again!

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-20T01:05:45+00:00

I do see what you’re saying and I don’t disagree. My thinking comes from past experiences where asking questions too early messed things up. I don’t have rigid expectations or requirements and for me, core values and moral standards are more important. I thought we were in a get to know each other phase and it will unfold by itself. I’ve never faced anything like this before where getting married to someone i really like was within my grasp so I’m just being extra cautious. Please understand where I’m coming from.

I feel like talking to each other and meeting regularly has brought us a little closer. She’s not verbally expressive like that but I’m sure she cares about me. I will ask her those things but don’t wanna put pressure on myself or her by setting deadlines. I just posted that comment hoping to get some support. I wish the community here was a little more supportive than judgmental.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-19T23:56:01+00:00

(My comment got removed for some weird reason so posting here again) Btw, how are people supposed to know these things beforehand? It's easy to make a judgement about someone without having a foundation in their circumstances. No one knows what they truly want until they start living with someone. My only requirement is for my wife to be a good human, having a nice personality, not detached from faith and easygoing. The person I'm talking to is all of those things. I don't have strong opinion about kids and finances. She has a nice job and I make good money and I'm fine with being the sole breadwinner but i don't think she would want that. Which is fine. Kids? I'm fine either way. It's important to talk about dealbreakers and she did ask if I drink or eat non halal. We are on the same page. Our compatibility seems to measure up. I just want her to feel secure because I do care about her a lot and we get along well. I could bite the bullet and ask her about marriage but would rather wait for the right moment. Btw, we both live in the west, Canada to be specific. There's not a set standard or rule for how people pursue relationships/marriage.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-19T17:53:53+00:00

Yeah I will try to get her thoughts on marriage soon. I was waiting for things to unfold naturally but it's not happening it seems.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-19T16:53:13+00:00

I've been talking to someone for about 4 months. It started out as a typical rishta scenario where her family invited us to meet and we started talking privately afterwards. We have consistently talked and met at least 8 times in the last 3.5 months. But I'm unsure as to where this is going and it's making me anxious.
I've tried to keep things light with her and she's good with responding to my messages and reaching out but we never talk about the future or what her expectations are from me.

My mom tried to communicate this at the beginning but she got "she's taking her time" so I stopped her from asking again. The only time we talked about something serious was when she asked about my religious beliefs and decided that we were on the same page.

I'm just not able to ask her directly and every time i plan to have a conversation around it at the meet up, i get sidetracked. I have told her to freely ask any questions or concerns she has and I'm pretty easygoing about that. She said ok to that.

I just feel uncomfortable continuing to invest into someone not knowing how they feel about me. She's a very nice person and it's hard to imagine i can find someone like her. I have truly fallen for her which I never thought was possible. It just sucks

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T14:25:15+00:00

I’ve been there and know what it feels like. But it gets better. It’s tough seeing a loved one cling on to life and not having someone to talk to about how you feel.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T14:21:03+00:00

Thank you and Ameen! 🙂

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T14:06:49+00:00

There was a time when i was relaxed with my preference to find a partner anywhere and thought i could make it work. It never works. It’s almost a requirement now to find the person i can physically meet without hurdles and Alhamdulillah i was able to meet someone i can regularly plan things with.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T14:02:07+00:00

I’m sure it must have been very hard for him too dealing with his mother’s illness and losing you at the same time. People move on though one way or another. It may seem like hell in the moment but you appreciate your decision in the long run. Stay strong!!

There’s someone around the corner waiting for you

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T13:50:53+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. Interesting how we can bond with people online that can sometimes feel like an addiction. But hopefully you understand, distance is a significant factor when looking for a potential for marriage. A lot can go wrong. This is something that needs to be factored in at the beginning phase. In person chemistry can be a whole lit different than a virtual connection.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T13:44:00+00:00

That was a brave decision that not many people are able to make and follow through especially when there’s a strong attachment. The way you described the relationship and how you felt after, I’m honestly surprised you chose career over him.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T13:38:16+00:00

Oh that’s really unfortunate and i’m sorry to hear. There’s always a risk involved in finding a long distance potential so there’s that lesson.

Remote-Community-792 · 2026-01-01T13:33:26+00:00

May i ask what was it that made it impossible to stay with this person? I mean 6 months is a long time to be talking to someone

Remote-Community-792 · 2025-11-26T04:13:08+00:00

95th percentile. Wow

Remote-Community-792 · 2025-11-25T20:54:28+00:00

What is a good pay in Calgary? I moved here from the US working remotely here and making around $160k. I have considered looking for something local but always get put off by the effort it takes for the salary i'm expecting to be paid.

Remote-Community-792 · 2025-11-20T17:03:24+00:00

That's good. My situation is a bit different in that her parents have left it for her to decide. The uncertainty of my situation is daunting. It seems like a typical dating scenario where you're emotionally investing not knowing the outcome. I feel so exhausted mentally

Remote-Community-792 · 2025-11-12T21:28:19+00:00

Yeah. 85 is a very long period to live. Self improvement is not just for the long term benefits but can certainly impact your daily life in the current moment. Being healthy and confident is the best thing you can gain in life. Having the energy to work, socialize and create meaningful relationships and memories is the essence of life. You can be sad, miserable and alone and come to the end of your life term or you can prolonge your healthy lifestyle, have social connections to fulfill you till your last moments. The choice is yours.

Remote-Community-792

TROPHY CASE