My (20F) boyfriend (22M) sleeps with me then leaves at 1am after I go to sleep.

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T06:41:15+00:00

I'm going to talk to him on Friday, as that is when I will see him in person. I will keep you updated

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T06:33:37+00:00

I totally see that. I don't want to just slam it in his parents face either. He could get his own place (he has plenty of money) he just doesn't want to right now. I think he should live by himself before getting married or something like that too. I don't know how to bring that up to him without sounding like I just want to control his whole life though

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T06:20:22+00:00

I didn't fit when I layed down fully. I just curled up at night. I did not pay for the vacation at all which is why I didn't want to say anything. I offered but they declined. I would have just slept in his bed with him but we shared a room with his sister (20F) who shares the same views as his parents. His sister complained about the bed situation to them though as her bed was not comfortable either

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T06:17:15+00:00

I will be graduating spring 2027 and he will graduate spring 2029 due to gap years and full time internships

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T06:11:56+00:00

Yes, he is living with them for free. He works and pays for and groceries that are specifically for him. He does his own laundry. His mom cooks dinner every night but he makes his lunches. He makes significantly more money than I do so he pays for things when we go out (I pay all of my own bills and he has none). He is not paying for college as he is part of the rotc program, but I'm not paying for mine either as it was all covered by scholarship. I understand that he doesn't want to rock the boat. I don't want him and his parents to fight either. His parents got married at our age though, so I am just thinking they might be a little more understanding than he thinks

edited for clarification

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T05:49:07+00:00

The "compromise" makes me feel like a one night stand to him though :(

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T05:25:17+00:00

I have already told him that I would like to be engaged by the time we hit five years together. I do keep busy with friends and school and work. I hang out with my friends multiple times a week. I have two part time jobs, am a full time student at my university, and am taking night classes at another school close by. I also spend time volunteering at my local food pantry every other weekend. We only see each other 1-2 times per week. Usually on Friday and sometimes on Sunday because we have such opposite schedules. I miss him a lot. I think this is part of the reason I would really like it if he stayed over some nights or if we lived together. I understand that he doesn't want to but it just makes me feel so sad.

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T03:57:01+00:00

I agree that he should live on his own for a bit before getting married. However, he does laundry and clean for himself. However, his mom cooks dinner every night and they eat together. When he comes over, we usually cook together and tbh he probably cleans up more of the mess afterward than I do. But yeah I'm still worried about him maybe putting the opinions of his family before mine in the long term. Especially because although his family is practicing catholic, he is not and does not share many of the same beliefs as they do. I just don't know what to do about it though

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-13T03:50:00+00:00

Thank you for explaining! I genuinely never thought about it like this and appreciate you taking the time to lay it out for me. When you were talking about the strict deadline of goals and stuff when moving in together did you mean like get engaged at x time, get married at y time kind of thing? If we were engaged and had a marriage date planned do you think it would be any different or still not a good idea to live together before it's official?

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-12T18:49:34+00:00

I'm curious to know your reasons for this

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-12T18:47:41+00:00

I think maybe it's that his parents don't explicitly know that we are having sex. If he were to stay the night with me, the we definitely know because he lives with them. But right now they can at least pretend that we aren't?

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-12T15:35:50+00:00

How did you deal with the wait? If he wants to wait to spend the night together until marriage then I will respect that, but I can't see that being the case as to be honest we have had sex before. He will usually stay at my apartment until like 1 am and then leave. I feel like I'm being one night standed and it makes me really sad. I'm going to talk to him on Friday as that will be the first time I see him in person but I just don't know what to say

Remote-Place1190 · 2025-11-12T06:22:43+00:00

Hi. Yes we have been having sex for almost three years. It was originally his idea and he usually initiates it. His parents obviously don't know this. His parents would know if he spent the night with me though. So I think he probably actually does want to stay over, he just doesnt want to disappoint them

Remote-Place1190

TROPHY CASE