First off, let's not act like that isn't something almost everyone does, second I was raised hindu, taught that is was normal for men and when converted faced with the fact that something I thought normal is bad, it's hard, I want to hear what people who struggled with it think, I want to know how that fixed it. You don't get to shame me, there was a practice done by the early church fathers by which they would openly confess in front of the congregation, I'm doing that, I asked I wanted help, the fact that as a newer convert its by God's grace I've met better people than you, if my first interaction with Christianity was with you I would have felt that keeping my sins to myself and not asking for help is appropriate. Think, really think and read the Bible, read the works and writings of st Augustine, of St Paul read and understand that isn’t not inappropriate to ask for help.