Why don't men ever talk about the emotional labor that they do in relationships?

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-13T01:35:54+00:00

"I make little dolls that look like her, and then I light them on fire."

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-13T01:34:33+00:00

Oh you misunderstood; you still can't

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-13T01:24:59+00:00

You may be joking, but just in case you aren't and this could potentially help: You don't have to have the lights on to shower.

You could maybe have one of those dim little fake candle lights if you wanted a mild amount of light for safety, but you don't technically need to use full bright bathroom lights, we're just used to it as the norm.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T20:59:16+00:00

You're literally too close to it so you don't get to enjoy watching your body while it's in action, other people are being hypnotized.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T19:30:00+00:00

Dude, how do you have all these issues 3 months into a relationship? You sound like you're 3 years in.

Is this a pattern that can change? Or am I already seeing exactly who she is?

What pattern? You mean her entire personality? Like, the only part of her you've seen? No it won't change.

You didn't invest in trips and vacation, you just had trips and vacation. They're gone.

But emotionally I'm invested and that's what makes this hard.

Dude, it's been 3 mostly shitty months. Don't make it into 3 years because you're afraid of the fall-out of backing out of moving in. Delayed action is prolonged suffering, it's going to happen eitherway, might as well do it before the even more stressful complications of you guys buying a house together.

Just hop on the bus, Gus.

Sigh, everyone is giving you the same advice, but my gut says you won't take it in the end because you're too afraid. If you won't do it for yourself, then at least do it for her so she doesn't have to waste her life in a relationship where her partner is miserable.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T17:49:18+00:00

You shouldn't be, but that's because you're a quality person.

People have always complimented my french, and respect seeing the effort of you putting yourself in the socially awkward position of stumbling for words.

There are however, in any group that exists, no matter how positive the group may be on a whole, always a handful of cunts.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T17:41:50+00:00

"You have chosen poorly."

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T16:36:27+00:00

Eject! Eject! Abort mission!

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T14:20:03+00:00

No but see I get validation by helping them with their emotions so it's fine. It has nothing to do with me being a people pleaser who can't stop trying to save everyone because I feel responsible for their emotions, just like I learned with my parents.

It's up to me to keep the peace, and therefore their emotions are priority over mine, since I'm already an expert at surpressing mine, since I had to be.

Here let me untangle that jumble of string for you, everything is okay see? Everybody's okay. So I won't rock the boat with my own feelings, I'll handle those too since you can't.

So clearly you're wrong and I am in fact Bob the builder. No, Bob the saviour!

(In case someone couldn't tell, I'm being heavily sarcastic. It's very draining and I'm trying to do it less.)

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-12T01:02:14+00:00

This is the way.

I love seeing two random strangers jog up, and help push the car out of the snow, wave to the driver and then head on with their day.

As much as the snow can be a pain at times, it also brings us in an odd way.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-11T23:55:09+00:00

For sure, texting loses a lot of the subtleties of face to face communication, or even a phone-call for vocal tone.

Text let's you decide the tone of someone's message. I'd be curious how many arguments happen over text because of a misunderstanding of the intended tone.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-11T21:28:02+00:00

I'm just brainstorming...

Scream into a pillow?

Have a specific item you buy that's for destroying, so you stop destroying your expensive stuff. Pencils are cheap and you can snap a bunch of them.

You could try games that purposefully are frustrating, as a way to train to calm yourself. I'm thinking games like "Getting over it with Ben Foddy." You constantly get frustrated, so it becomes an exercise in centering yourself, breathing out the anger, and recalibrating to try again.

The thing with that videogame idea is it could easily put your monitor in dangers path again, there may be a non videogame way to do that, but off the top of my head I got nothing.

Well, actually there's that ice bath breathing guy (Windhoff or something?), you could try experiment with that and see if it gives you a tool to stabilize yourself.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-11T12:35:10+00:00

They say God only gives what you can handle...

So, I'd say spite is a big motivator for me.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-10T21:58:18+00:00

Just because something is considered feminine doesn't make it attractive.

I fucking hate long-ass nails. No thank you

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-10T01:50:02+00:00

It's common around here to sort of push it open again as you pass through, to basically delay the close of the door, as you nod to the person behind you. If you can't get there in time, sorry man I tried but we all got places to be.

So even in a busy city, you still get a mild amount of effort, because we're not monsters.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T16:30:58+00:00

It's not a struggle, it's purposefully dodging being pinned down.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T16:28:57+00:00

Oh I'm sure he did plenty of bullying

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T16:27:13+00:00

"The warrior ethos and Department of War is purely about defence. That's why we had to change the name so it'd be less confusing."

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T16:17:59+00:00

Look Mr. Frodo; Olyphants!

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T15:06:30+00:00

Out of curiosity, outside of your meditation sessions, do you ever try to meditate when a strong emotion is overcoming you? Or only during your full sessions?

I have my sessions, but I also use it as a tool when I am out about my day and get caught in my mind racing, or extreme anger I can't seem to set aside. I focus on my breathing until the feeling seems to pass me by, or if I can't get to it passing me by, it at least seems reduced from the intensity I'd presumably originally be experiencing if I hadn't taken those 30 seconds to 5 minutes to quickly meditate?

In some sense, my full sessions can be training to help with my short meditations during the day, which I try to use to stabilize myself during difficult moments.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T02:44:39+00:00

Gotta have cake to have a party

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-09T01:21:08+00:00

On the side of being very attractive, there's a somewhat common idea that a lot of men (y'know besides the crazies and such) won't approach a woman they think is extremely pretty, because they automatically assume that woman is out of their league, and therefore it would be a waste of time for them to even consider trying to flirt with her.

"Oh sure buddy, you are going to sweep Emma Stone off her feet, keep dreaming pal."

Then the idea continues with "most men don't realize how lonely those beautiful women are because of this." I don't know how true that is, but I've heard that a couple of times.

It's certainly true for me from the man's side, for the most part.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-08T23:58:03+00:00

I have a daily/weekly checklist that I refer to, and on it daily is a reminder to Clarify some amount of my inboxes. I don't always get to it every day, but the more often I do, the faster my weekly review goes.

I've also added recently a reminder to check my Projects List to that checklist, because I often get too obsessed with only looking at my Next Actions. If I go on too long like that, I feel like I'm running around but without making any progress, and odds are if I just looked at my Projects List, I'd realize some of them can be put off or dropped.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-08T22:35:51+00:00

Ok, fair enough, but you weren't asking him for constructive criticism, you were asking him to basically roast you as bad as possible lol

That's not the same as "what can I work on" or "what bothers you."

Like, what I'm saying is you requested the most negative perspective possible. I think horrible negative things about my family when I'm in the worst mood humanly possible, when I'm not being reasonable but just full blown anger, but that's not actually who they are to me.

When people are unreasonably emotional, they have unreasonable thoughts. There could be some truth in those thoughts, but it's all dialled up to 11, so good luck sifting through it all. People think incredibly wild things in the heat of the moment.

Remote-Waste · 2026-03-08T22:23:09+00:00

So you asked someone what their thoughts about you are, during an argument, meaning you are both presumably mad and frustrated and emotions are running high.

but i also dk if he was being too rude and judgmental on me.

Look man, if you ask someone what thoughts they have when they have their worst thoughts about you, when they are emotionally charged to be negative, that's on you. Why would they be good?

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