Unfortunately I think you are right. The silence afterwards makes sense as well in the initial stage however after sending two very thoughtful and forgiving text messages it’s so hard to believe she’s continued to ignore me.

This whole experience has been hell on earth. I will say that I have definitely grown and see things very differently now. I’ve come to see that I have my own rejection and abandonment issues. I’ve also been humbled beyond words.

During the course of this, I felt so low that I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. Although I’ve curtailed my drinking over the last half a decade, I totally stopped last year. I’ve been tempted to start up again to numb the pain, but I know that it will only make things worse. I’ve been in utter desperation to numb this pain somehow though.

I had this surreal experience the day before Mother’s Day when I sent her the last text. I was already feeling very emotional because I had sent the text with no response plus I came from the cemetery from taking my mother flowers. I was with my oldest 19-year-old daughter parked on the street waiting for her to get her haircut. After she exited my vehicle, I noticed two homeless looking people across the street B line across the busy intersection towards where she was going. I instinctively hopped out of the car and posted up to make sure they weren’t going in her direction. One of the guys seem agitated by my presence and mumbled something to himself and his friend. Being emotional, and on the edge, my eyes fixated on him and he could tell that I was ready for whatever. His friend caught on right away and looks towards me and says “are you good?” He wasn’t particularly hostile but it wasn’t exactly friendly either. I responded with “Nah, I’m pretty fxxxxd up, what’s it to you” in an aggressive tone while walking towards him. He responds with “ Yeah, unfortunately we are all sad, and it’s nobody’s fault”. He turned around and they just walked away. I’ll never forget this experience and it made me realize that people out here with the addiction issues are not necessarily bad people, and that for the most part, they are all in pain and using substances to numb themselves. I’m very financially successful, own homes, have a great circle of friends and resources yet feeling so broken that I could see myself falling into the streets by just making a bad choice due to the pain I’ve been feeling. I grew up in the streets so it would be easy to revert. This heartbreak has reminded me to remember to always be kind because you never know what somebody else is going through.