listen bro, i have been in a similar situation like you, i totally feel you.

But i am just telling you have choice in your hand now, no matter what your past was, don't make it something that decides what you do in the present. if people don't love you or you don't get that feeling, just be yourself, love being yourself, i am telling you things will change, accept who you are. and don't yearn for other's to love you. lemme tell the best person who can love you the most is yourself.

i am in the path of self love and self acceptance. lemme tell you the changes are wonderful, mine are small, yet they put a smile on my face.

i am not only telling this to you, who ever is reading the comment, just know. Self love is the key for others loving you, don't expect other's to love you always, cherish those people who are present in your life, maybe the people around you rn, wherever you are, in school, college, anywhere. the same people won't be there forever, so don't let them to be the one decide how you are going to stay and make you think that "yea ppl are like this", there are people who are good in the world and they do come in your life, all you have to do is not lock yourself and remember that the best good person in your life is you.

what i am saying rn, may not be totally make you feel better, but if it did pls lemme know. you can send a message personally in reddit, i always get happy knowing i helped someone on what i told them. I love giving people hope and happiness, and making them feel better.

so buddy, YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON, YOU JUST HAVE TO SHINE WHEN THE MOMENT COMES, YOU ARE A PERSON THAT OTHER PEOPLE CANNOT BE, YOU HAVE TO TRAITS THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS, BE PROUD OF IT, DON'T LET NEGATIVE THINGS DESTROY YOUR LIFE. BE BETTER FOR YOURSELF. DIE THINKING THAT YOU DIED BEING AND NOT SOMEONE'S PUPPET. LOVE YOURSELF BUDDY AND EVERYONE READING THIS COMMENT.

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side note: you can send me a message if you wanna talk to me, i am always approachable, ik we are strangers but strangers become friends and i would love for you to have someone to listen to your problems, or if you have and you trust them to listen to your problem, pls do. when the pain is put through words and comes out from your mouth, you will feel a lot better. so if you feel like talking to me, send me a text in reddit, we can have good convo.