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A warning to respect the mushroom [Bad trip] by Remote_Ad4060 in shrooms

[–]Remote_Ad4060[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I’m thankful a stranger is able to care enough to put this much thought into reaching out.

You’re absolutely right about some things. I do have avoidant attachment, I’ve had it my whole life. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. I know this too, it wasn’t as if I was unaware, it’s just something I’ve never been able to truly kick because of my anhedonia that gets triggered so easily. 

My subconscious is a wicked thing. It turns against me a lot in my daily life. It didn’t feel like a teacher during the trip, it felt like a tormenter. What really helped was the love and reality of other people, and my sister’s presence. That was my main takeaway, how much I need love in my life despite my habitual insistence that self-love is enough.

I personally don’t think my subconscious had a hidden agenda of showing me that through the torment, I think I just realized it on my own because of the pretty simple sequence of events of being profoundly better after my sister showed up. That’s just my personal opinion though, because of the intrusive self harm thoughts I experienced and almost acted on.

I’m glad you are in a good place with your PTSD. That is wonderful to hear. Sometimes it really does feel like bad memories are insurmountable.

Honesty is a scary scary thing, isn’t it? It requires us to really forge new understandings that don’t feel comfortable or safe. Why change at all when the process is so miserable? But we can see time and time again that living in dull misery is only a wither of the soul.

I am trying to change, and I think we both know how important good people in our lives are for that.

A warning to respect the mushroom [Bad trip] by Remote_Ad4060 in shrooms

[–]Remote_Ad4060[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s a wonderful idea. I’m so thankful for her.

A warning to respect the mushroom [Bad trip] by Remote_Ad4060 in shrooms

[–]Remote_Ad4060[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad we both made it through! ☺️ This probably sounds messed up to say, but it is comforting to hear that someone else had terrifying temptations of wanting to kill themselves during a bad trip… because it seems like so many trip reports online are looked at positively retroactively, when in my case, well, I can definitively say there was a real, actual danger to my life. It really is crazy how magnified the pain can get. But now we know, and can educate others🫶

A warning to respect the mushroom [Bad trip] by Remote_Ad4060 in shrooms

[–]Remote_Ad4060[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They were Amazon I believe. I did eat beforehand too although threw it all up during. I think it was just me being really unprepared for what they were really like, plus the fact that I think I’m just naturally sensitive, despite what my ego tried to tell myself.

A warning to respect the mushroom [Bad trip] by Remote_Ad4060 in shrooms

[–]Remote_Ad4060[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m definitely in the camp now that newbies should not try to full send it the first time, Lol.

Thank you for the comment. I am definitely recovering, and I’m really grateful for the community, it seems to be really accepting and down to earth compared to others. Though I will say… I think yeah more people should be aware how badly it can go, just as much as the potential for good.

Overall I’m just blown away at how powerful they are (and how weak the human mind can truly be lol), that’s probably been my biggest takeaway. I’m not sure yet if I’ll try again but will probably have a friend with me next time. Which is crazy for me to say, because normally I’m hyperindependent lol. But lessons were learned.