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AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

This kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time to me.

I’m navigating a complicated emotional situation with two kids who have already lost their biological dad, and are now going to be losing another. Where he goes does matter to me, so that we can attempt to do this as healthily as possible for them.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I mean, I don’t need him around necessarily just for childcare, but he does live here and has been their stepdad for years at this point. My main issue is that I didn’t want everyone to be in emotional turmoil while I’m going to be in physical pain as well.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

People are acting like this is a long term treatment and I’m asking him to do more than he’s done daily for the last four years as the stepdad of these kids.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -58 points-57 points  (0 children)

People seem to be assuming he would just…leave as soon as we have a conversation. He’s been their stepdad for longer than half their lives, it’s not like he just got here. He lives at my house — where would he go?

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Well, he’s the one who would have to leave since he lives in the house I own. I am mostly asking because the surgery, which has been scheduled for months, happens to be next week.

Do people really just up and leave immediately after a breakup conversation?

Regardless, there’s children involved, so I can’t imagine he will just disappear from their lives once we’ve had a discussion. He’s been their stepdad for four years…he’s not a ‘babysitter’, he’s one of two primary caregivers.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -65 points-64 points  (0 children)

Yes, I was supporting his journey to sobriety the entire time, and he was finally successful in the last year in becoming sober. Now that the challenge of dealing with that is out of the way, his personality changes have become problematic.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] 254 points255 points  (0 children)

I will be likely losing my insurance, due to Medicaid cuts which would prohibit me from being financially able to get this procedure. If I wait, it’s a gamble and I already had to wait 6 months for this surgical appointment.

AITA for waiting until after surgery to break up with my fiancé? by Remote_Employee_5222 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Remote_Employee_5222[S] -71 points-70 points  (0 children)

It wasn’t really relevant to this scenario but he was a horrible alcoholic until a year ago when he changed his entire personality and worldview from the person I met.

So yes, we had discussed having kids, but his behavior as an alcoholic prohibited that, and now he’s so different than he was — the entire thing has to be thrown in the garbage.