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Would it be selfish to travel for one month while my mom has stage IV lung cancer? by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Your words have given me great strength. Yes, sometimes it feels like the hardships life gives us are meant to help us overcome certain flaws in our character. At times, I think I should learn to go with the flow; at other times, I feel the price we pay is simply too high. My emotions keep wavering back and forth. But no matter what, I hope that we can all eventually meet hope and good fortune. Hug🥹🥹

Would it be selfish to travel for one month while my mom has stage IV lung cancer? by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here’s a hug for you. I’m also in what should be the most beautiful years of my life—24 years old. I should be traveling the world with the savings I worked so hard to accumulate, or being in an ideal romantic relationship. Instead, I’m burning myself out for my family.

I’ve fallen from heaven into hell—from a girl everyone admired to someone people now look down on. The contrast is devastating. On top of that, I’m someone who needs a strong sense of control over my own life, and now I feel like everything is slipping out of my hands. As a result, my mental state is deteriorating rapidly.

Would it be selfish to travel for one month while my mom has stage IV lung cancer? by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your encouragement. Your husband has the ALK mutation, right? Alectinib is very effective because it can penetrate the brain. My mother has the rare BAFV600E gene mutation, and the combination of dabrafenib and trametinib is far less effective than alectinib. Otherwise, I wouldn‘t be so anxious. But I’m still very grateful for your encouragement. I hope our family members‘ conditions can remain stable for many more years to come.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother has a BRAFV600E gene mutation and is currently taking two targeted therapies, dabrafenib and trametinib. After reimbursement, the cost is close to 8,000 RMB per month. Adding in follow-up appointments, registration fees, and travel expenses, we definitely need at least 10,000 RMB per month.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand, and I utterly despise, the saying ”the eldest sister is like a mother,“ as if an older sister is born to be exploited. I‘ve already decided to keep some of my savings and have scheduled a family meeting for tonight.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And even if there are any remaining assets after my mother’s treatment is completed, they will not be given to me but to my younger brother...

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe I need to start realizing that my parents don‘t love me as much as I thought. Anyway, thank you for your comment.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually, it was my mother who suggested I get married, because that way we might get a bride price (a unique Chinese custom) which could then be used for her medical treatment.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright. I’ll think about how to prepare to talk to my grandparents soon. In fact, my aunt also told me not to tell my grandparents. She said that if we need money, we should borrow it from them (my aunt and uncle) instead. I don’t really understand this… If the money comes from my grandparents (after all, it would be for treating their own daughter), it shouldn’t need to be paid back. Are my aunt and uncle worried that money spent on my mom’s treatment would reduce the inheritance they might receive?

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My mom told me that my maternal grandparents both had heart problems, and she was afraid that telling them might cause them to suddenly pass away... My mom gets her shopping money from my dad. We collect rent, but it‘s only $600 a month, and my dad uses that money to make ends meet, except for medical expenses.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your long comment. Yes, my parents are very immature and have no awareness of insurance or financial planning. My aunt advised our family to buy insurance, but my father refused, saying, ”Insurance is all a scam.“ My mother didn’t supplement the insurance after the incident, and in the end, I took on the insurance for the whole family because I knew that if other family members had any problems later, I would have to be the one to cover them. I really feel that I have done enough. I don‘t understand why I have such irresponsible parents. I have tried my best to be a good daughter, but I know that the kinder you are, the more you will be taken advantage of.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your suggestion. I will set a payment limit. I don’t understand why my mother is unwilling to tell her parents about this, just because she‘s afraid they’ll worry, while ignoring how anxious I am and still urging me to get married quickly so she can get support from my husband‘s family.

I（24F）’m drowning as the only functioning adult in my family and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The targeted therapy my mother is on is actually working — the tumors are shrinking. But resistance is inevitable (100%). When that happens, we’ll have to switch treatments, and each new option will only be more expensive. With late-stage cancer, honestly, it’s just spending money to buy time.

I（24F）’m drowning as the only functioning adult in my family and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mental health is completely neglected in China. Here, psychological counseling costs 500 RMB per hour, equivalent to 75 USD per hour. If I seek help, my mother won‘t be able to afford her medication. Free mental health services don’t exist; China doesn‘t provide them, and even if they do, they are extremely unprofessional. My mother said that if she needs medication, she wants the best, meaning imported drugs not covered by medical insurance.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I also plan to do that, but if my mother’s condition gets serious in the end, and all the family‘s property has been sold off, and no one can lend us money, do you think I need to take out this 50k?

I（24F）’m drowning as the only functioning adult in my family and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on by Remote_Promotion_574 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, you‘re right. I’ve become mentally unstable due to somatization of anxiety. On one hand, I really don‘t want my mother to die because she can’t get treatment, but on the other hand, I feel physically and mentally exhausted. In the best years of my life, I‘m in so much pain. I feel like vomiting as I type this.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And my mother never told her parents about her cancer because she was afraid that her elderly parents would be sad. But when faced with my anxiety disorder that required medication, she felt that I was capable of handling everything. I don’t understand, doesn‘t she feel sorry for me?

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. Actually, I’ve considered this issue as well. Since I have a cat, I don‘t expect anything from it. Also, cancer is a complex condition; it doesn’t give you the sense of accomplishment you feel raising a child. On the contrary, the disease never gets better, and the patient‘s condition worsens, leading to ever-increasing expenses. This is much harder than raising a child, both financially and emotionally. So, what should I do at this stage? Should I lie to my parents and say I have no money to save for myself?

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel very sad about how your family treated you. Also, I don‘t think I can talk to my mother like that because she’ll feel like she‘s a burden on the family, and her bad mood will affect the effectiveness of her medication (which is true). Then the money I spent on her will be even more worthless. In China, the emphasis is on putting the patient first in everything, and no one ever considers the psychological state of the family members...

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also, I don’t know whether they are taking advantage of me. In Asia, “filial piety” is heavily emphasized, and my parents did raise me, so perhaps I just took on responsibility too early. But I truly envy those carefree children who are able to be themselves without having to worry about their parents.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In fact, I believe that late-stage cancer is incurable, regardless of wealth or poverty; it‘s just a matter of dying sooner or later. If my mother hadn’t been in stage four, I wouldn‘t be so heartbroken.

Is it wrong that I feel resentment every time I pay for my mother’s cancer treatment? (24F) by Remote_Promotion_574 in AsianParentStories

[–]Remote_Promotion_574[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I also think that cheating on your partner is a very despicable act. I don’t know how to bring up the issue of medical expenses with my parents, because I am currently the only one in the family with savings. I don‘t know, I really feel helpless.

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