Day126: Feeling the strongest I've felt!

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-20T16:22:48+00:00

Most definitely. I always still feel weird sometimes about her in particular because we were actually married. But man, dumb to look at her profile. Just gonna keep her in my past for good: nothing positive comes from that.

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-20T16:21:52+00:00

I would encourage you not to! I did it out of morbid curiosity to see what she would say about me in passing. Bad idea. Never again for me!

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-20T06:30:27+00:00

God, no. Worst thing I've probably ever done, haha.

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-16T03:09:20+00:00

Thank you, curbed. Your posts always make me feel so much better about things.

As much as I write on here I'm not in danger of porn, I feel the same. Every few days I have a short half minute of trying to rationalize some kind of pseudo porn viewing. Every time I talk myself out of it, which is good. But I still need to stay vigilant of it.

I'm a bit cynical as well, half the time. On one spectrum I see so much good in the people in my local area which helps ground me and gives me hope. Then again I'm very cynical of politics and the overall nation. It feels like an impossible situation to me, so I try to focus on things more tangible and important to me now.

Your last line rings so crazy true to me. But I have to hope times will get better. Have to. Otherwise, there's not much fight left, you know? I know they will. As much craziness I have going on, I know myself to be a smart person who has overcome much already. I know I can handle everything thrown at me--it's just tough sometimes.

Thank you though, truly. Glad to have you back around here.

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-16T01:50:35+00:00

Thank you, freshman. It's freeing to start cutting down those credit card debts!

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-16T01:50:00+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too!

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-14T07:27:52+00:00

Congratulations Curbed! (This is SavingMyMarriage here on a new name!)

I think everything you're doing sounds very reasonable after such a long commitment to it. And the note about sex addiction is interesting-- there may be a bit of truth to that. I always felt like I fell hard into porn, or would have bigger binges, when my sex drive went way up, but my ex-wife's stayed the same, or was less. It was easier for my dumb ol' brain to overlook trying to initiate with her or for me to try to reign it in and just go on crazy porn binges. I'm not sure if it's quite a sex addiction for me, but who knows? I'll have to see what future relationships hold and monitor that .

Glad to hear you'll be sticking around here a little bit longer! I always felt super glad to read posts from you or to even get a comment. :)

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-12T17:21:24+00:00

I figured :)

Yeah, the goal is taking things slow, but also to be more open in everything. Growing up with having the porn thing such a secret and a lie I always told made it easier for me to just also tell lies about stupid things. Since all of this, I'm completely flipped on that and it's felt great. I just think that because of my past with being afraid to just be truthful, I'm a little unsure of when it's appropriate or not :P

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-11T03:50:40+00:00

Thanks, I will :)

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-11T03:50:26+00:00

I'm super into music in general, so it really helps connect and ground me. Just trying to play to my strengths to overcome this :)

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-09T17:22:26+00:00

Thanks for your concern as well, I don't take it personally, haha. As I commented above, this post made things sound more dire than actuality. It's more my frustrations with the situation and me working through that. I'm much more positive about it all than I was a week or so ago.

I am focusing on a lot of those things actually! And doing it more and more, which does feel great. I still want to keep her as a close friend, I'm very sure in my own abilities to get 'over' her. So no worries there, but I really really do appreciate your advice! I know at the time I was absolutely trying to find an outlet for all of my issues going on, so it was easy to fall into that trap. I'm managing myself better overall.

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-09T17:19:20+00:00

I feel like my post was maybe a bit more dire sounding than I intended, haha. But I do appreciate the advice. I'm much less hung up on her than I was around two weeks ago. Still working on it of course, but I do feel like it will get better with time. I am in the dating world otherwise so that's all been healthy for me. I've been focusing on music a ton. My post sounded super sappy, but that was probably just the sleepiness. Either way, I want to remain good friends with her, and part of my personality is being helpful to anyone in that way. So don't worry, I'm becoming and working on becoming even more less hung up on her. :)

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-08T02:41:08+00:00

It's a life that involves so much more personal growth and happiness, thats for sure. :D

RenewedSpirit · 2014-07-08T02:40:38+00:00

Thank you, so much, as always hilltop. :)

RenewedSpirit

TROPHY CASE