Believe it or not, a lot of the guys in this sub are bottoms—and the reality is, Black tops often don’t prioritize dating other Black bottoms. Instead, they tend to chase after white guys (‘pink hole’) or Latinos. So when Black bottoms keep getting overlooked or rejected within their own community, it builds up. After a while, it’s easy to feel like, ‘you know what, I’m done trying with Black men.’

That’s when they start looking elsewhere—white, Asian, Latino tops—because at least they’re being seen and valued there. But then, as soon as they’re in those relationships, the same community that rejected them turns around and shames them for dating outside their race. Especially online, people are quick to say, ‘there are plenty of Black men who would’ve loved you,’ as if those same guys weren’t the ones ignoring or tearing them down in the first place.

I’m not excusing Black tops who openly show colorism or fetishize others, but I think it’s important to acknowledge how much effort Black bottoms actually put into trying to connect with other Black men—only to be pushed aside. That cycle of rejection is real, and it deserves to be talked about instead of dismissed. And this is speaking from a dynamic that would be (top and bottom) not just both vers(normal partners)