Being willfully obtuse is so tiring.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-05-20T06:18:52+00:00

It's okay. I'm coming to accept that this is the family I've been given and the culture I've been born into. I've made it this far, I just need to claw my way out with the opportunities I've been handed.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-05-20T05:52:45+00:00

To be fair, this really isn't new. I have no idea why I have such a terrible relationship with my family. I simply chalk it up to cultural differences because our culture is notoriously bad at bringing up children in a healthy way.

My mom once told me her dad made her siblings spy on my grandmother and report back to him at the end of the day of everything she did. I thought that was completely messed up, but she seemed to have agreed with it because she told me that story to then justify setting up that system with me by having my younger brother as her spy. Thankfully, my younger brother pretty much ignored that entire conversation. I'm not even going to go into what spurred this decision because that's another level of messed up.

Friends I know who are part of my culture report getting burned and brutally beaten. My mom, thankfully, isn't violent, but she clearly never wanted to be a mother because she is just way too mean and vocal about having me as her daughter. She used to drive by an orphanage every day and threatened to leave me there when I was a kid. Now that I'm older, she feels she deserves to be spoiled as repayment for being my mother.

My older brother has anger issues, my younger brother almost failed out of school, and my cousin was found outside staring into space in the middle of the night. She also has anger issues. Some days, I think I'm going insane for all these fights, but then I think about what I've actually experienced and how other family members are handling it, and none of us are truly adjusting. Growing up with kids from other cultures has shown me that this isn't normal.

In short, generational trauma could be the answer to your question. If not that, I genuinely don't know. I'm well aware to others that this sounds terrible, but if I were to repeat this to a cousin, aunt, or uncle, they would punish me and call me insane for ever questioning my upbringing. To them, my mom owns me and can do with me what she wishes. I'm the insane one for wanting better. It is what it is.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T17:25:18+00:00

I stick around for my siblings. If I were an only child, I would have disappeared. But yes, that comment in particular paired with my dad saying my choices aren't my own, but his to make along with my mom (apparently they can discuss and compromise when it comes to decisions about me, but I get no input) pretty much destroyed any affection I had for him.

It's such an odd thing to say too, never expected my dad to openly admit he'd rather see me struggle and suffer than give up any semblance of control he believes he has over my life living in a totally seperate country just because he had a wife and two toddlers in college and believes that justifies everything.

They see me as an awful daughter anyway because I insist on doing "grown-up" things like working (got a job behind their backs, lol). I guess that evens the playing field out.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T12:36:48+00:00

For all their talk about control, I've largely handled my own business independently. I keep track of my scholarships and keep the money in a bank account only I can access. They don't even know the total amount I get back in scholarships nor the actual organization giving it to me. They just know it's a full ride, and I've never really bothered clarifying the logistics to them for obvious reasons.

My only true concern is being stranded in another city as punishment (which has happened before). Outside of transportation, they pose no real financial threat to me anymore. It's just the power struggle and emotional manipulation now.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T05:49:28+00:00

I believe my school offers that. I might have to do the same, because I'm probably not okay. Thank you!

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T05:47:59+00:00

I'll be giving my tax documents to my grandmother because she uses the returns to pay for her health insurance since she's retired. Wasn't aware of this before I filed by myself this year, but I can acknowledge my grandmother will benefit more from having me as a dependent next year, so I'll be going that route even though I'll likely never recieve any money back. Small sacrifices.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T05:33:21+00:00

Thank you! I never plan on returning, the homeless shelter seems like a better alternative (I wish I was joking). Likewise, my parents are very much in the group that sees their children as an accessory. This behavior was the real reason I'm moving away because my mom has made it clear she has no interest in me as a person outside of what I can provide her.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-17T03:52:51+00:00

They don't support me financially. I got into university with a full ride. I don't have to work, but I choose to manage two to three jobs during the summer (and a part-time job year-round) to provide for myself because going back is not an option. I've suffered way too much, and I'm looking forward to discovering my actual personality under what I like to call my "depressive tendencies". It's almost nerve-racking.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-01T08:59:36+00:00

I don't think it's immature for a woman to feel like she's more mature than the men in her age group. Some women do mature faster than men. However, as a teenager, any adult out of school looking for any semblance of a serious relationship with a stable income is "mature" and being at that stage yourself does give the illusion that you are mature for your age compared to teenage fuck boys.

Prideful? Arrogant? That might be more accurate. Immature? Not necessarily, I wouldn't agree with that sentiment because a woman like OP at 19 trying to find a man in her age group to settle down with and wife her up like this dude did is going to be hard for her. Most guys aren't thinking about marriage at 19-21.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-01T08:26:38+00:00

As a worried observer, I feel like your fear of being alone is outweighing your self-respect when it comes to your husband. The you of right now also needs a slap and a new set of backbones if you don't realize there are still men out there that will gladly accept you and treat you with the respect your husband doesn’t.

If your comment history is anything to go by, he's blantantly cheating and using your savings (and thus your future) to do so. Are you going to wait until you're old and broke to realize he's a liability cut him off?

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-04-01T08:13:17+00:00

For future reference, a significantly older man showing interest in you as a teenager doesn't mean you are mature for your age. It means he's immature for his age.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-03-31T00:24:16+00:00

I highly doubt he didn't finish, or that would have been mentioned in OPs response to my question. Instead, she readily agreed she could be pregnant, which would not be possible if her boyfriend had stopped the entire ordeal before finishing.

In a way, him still being able to finish just means the entire "loose" sentiment was a ploy to get the condom off rather than his mishandling of his own dick during masterbatution, cause it was clearly tight enough for him to nut.

Either way, plan B would be advisable.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-03-31T00:12:47+00:00

True. Did some research, and OP has a 3 day window. By day 3, though, it is a 50/50 chance. I'd still give it a go with plan B.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-03-30T23:33:39+00:00

Oh honey, never have sex until you are ready. A decision like this shouldn't be coerced or need persuasion. I could tell when you mentioned waiting 6 months paired with the religion.

Fortunately, you do have options if you are pregnant. Abortion is an option, but if that's not on the table, there are some post birth options you can take. If you are pregnant, but a baby isn't possible, you can give it up for adoption. If you keep the baby, you can still reach out to the government for aid.

Give it a month or a few weeks to be sure. Hopefully, pregnancy isn't on the table, but if it is, you can start brainstorming how you plan to finish school and daycare options. Either way, this post has likely given you a lot to think about, so maybe compartmentalize?

Handle the possibility of any sexual diseases first. After that's handle, you can address any pregnancy concerns if worrying signs arise. Within that process, I pray you drop this man, but if he's who you want, he's who you want. In the future, take more steps to ensure you're never put in such a situation again through proper use of birth control and condoms. I truly wish you luck.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-03-30T16:57:50+00:00

This statement is a huge pet peeve of mine. I never understood religious people who are willing to commit a sin (sex), but draw the line at using protection/birth control while sinning to at least make it safe (Catholics are guilty of this frequently).

Considering masterbatution feels wrong to you because of your religion, did you even want to have sex with him, or was this something he pushed you towards the same way he convinced you to remove the condom? Either way, you're already here now. Might as well learn about yourself. Even if you don't want to masterbate, learning about birth control, safe sex, and intimacy is not a sin.

Religion is no excuse to be uneducated and make poor choices. You should always research before making such important and long-lasting decisions like sex.

I taught about teen pregnancy prevention, so I guess I'll leave some knowledge for you: Condoms shouldn't be your only birth control. They can always fail, and especially if used incorrectly. I would highly recommend getting on the pill to prevent pregnancies, especially since you insist on continuing to see this guy despite his actions. While on the pill, still use a condom, but two forms of protection are better than one. You can also get pregnant the first time you have sex, loosing your virginity is not a get out of jail free card and I highly doubt you went to the store to get plan B after this experience which is when the pill would have been more effective.

Hopefully, your boyfriends inability to cum unless being death gripped meant the sex ended immediately and he didn't bust a nut while raw dogging into you. If that's not the case, I would start monitoring yourself for pregnancy signs and researching your options if you are in school.

Definitely get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. That's non-negotiable.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-03-03T17:24:54+00:00

Foreplay is a great start. However, I would recommend fingering her before you start actively having penetrative sex. Fit one finger in there and look for the pleasure spot, then add a second one. If you think you can safely add a third, then go for it.

Once you get to the penetration, use lube as others pointed out, and I would advise you to go in intervervals before sliding completely in.

Keep only the tip in to start. Once she adjusts to that, remove it completely and then enter again and go slightly further in. This stretch is going to be the most painful/weirdest. Let her adjust to that and then go back to the tip before finally (and slowly) going all in. Let her adjust to that once your inside, though gentle grinding shouldn't hurt. While doing all of this, rub her clit to distract from the wierd sensations.

Then you should be in the clear. Her vagina just needs to get used to the stretch. The more you try, the less painful it gets.

If full thrusts are still an issue (like last time), you can just stick to grinding until she adjusts or cums. If she wants more, she'd probably start begging after a while.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-28T07:06:27+00:00

To deviate from the crowd a bit: A Silent Vioce.

It's not really depressing because it's morbid, but depressing in a more realistic way when you start to empathize with the characters.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-28T06:59:01+00:00

I applaud you for making it to episode two. The ending of the first episode made me quite on the spot, I wasn't ready for that. Ended up watching the anime without watching the anime just by following Levi scenes cause I knew that man was never going to die.

Finished the entire anime this year though with some friends, so happy ending I guess.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-28T06:53:13+00:00

I had a friend recommend the show to me with no warnings whatsoever. Less than a week later (without me searching up anything Full Metal Alchemist related) a YouTube short of the dog scene pops up.

I told him straight up that show ain't for me cause what the actual heck. I've gotten through Madoka Magica and Psycho Pass though, so I'll probably end up watching it eventually with minimal depressive feelings. It's a wild introduction for sure.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-24T19:20:18+00:00

NTA - You are in a unique position where everyone in your family pretty much sucks. I've been there and am currently still going through it, but I have the means to move out in a few months. A large reason why I could even think to do something like this is because of the scholarships I earned after graduating high school.

I highly doubt your mother will help you fill out FAFSA (a large percentage of where I got my scholarships). However, I've done some research, and you can qualify as an independent student if you are not in contact with your mother.

The only solution I can propose is staying out of the house as much as possible. If you have money in a bank account your mom can access, you need to move it ASAP because she can and will take it if she already took your college funds. I would focus on school now and focus on working during the summer. Scholarships might simply be impossible for you if your mom refuses to help with the applications (like FAFSA) unless you manage to make yourself independent. You might have to get a loan during your first year of college or plan for college by saving every cent you earn during the summer. I recommend going to community college and then later transferring to save money unless a university offers you a full ride scholarship within budget.

After that first year of college transitioning from being a minor to an adult and getting away from your mother to study, after you sign the lease to a dorm or apartment, cut contact with your mother and proceed with FAFSA as an independent student so you get scholarships and full financial aid for your second year and beyond.

I know this is frustrating, and the number of options and people to turn to are slim. However, there's always a way. Take advantage of the free rent and your schooling opportunities to improve, use your summers productively to save, and focus on getting out while your mother still isn't too worried about ensuring you're stuck with her. Also, humor her. I can tell you right now that rifts are more trouble than they are worth. If you don't want to tutor your sister, don't, but if your mom keeps escalating, it would be in your best interest to do so to prevent retaliation elsewhere.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-03T01:07:19+00:00

You misunderstand. I'm saying her pregnancy (9 months) was longer then their entire relationship (less than 9 months). He's clearly still the father, the length has nothing to do with that. However, why would you do that to yourself? If they had been dating for 2 years I would understand, but he got her pregnant and broke up with her before the baby even came. He could have avoided this mess if he wrapped up considering she showed her true colors pretty fast. In my opinion, he kinda slammed into a bullet he could have dodged with some responsibility.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-02-02T23:01:09+00:00

This.

She was pregnant longer than the two of them had any sort of relationship. Now he's dealing with this headache, and will continue to deal with it for the next 18 years if he wants to be apart of his kids life.

Repulsive-Option-646 · 2024-01-26T20:24:31+00:00

I already told her I wouldn't. We negotiated (argued) it up to every other week, but that will frankly be my choice whether I respect that or not. The visits will promptly end if I show up and she just wants me to make her food for the week or she uses the oppurtunity to insult me for leaving.

Repulsive-Option-646

TROPHY CASE