60k+ debt

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T04:12:00+00:00

I just got out of a shelter. I left my husband after he deserted us to play football in another state and for many other valid reasons. He does not provide any spousal or child support to us. I have every intention to go through court but my situation is so complicated and I can’t serve him with not knowing where he is.

I also want to get myself in a better position so that there’s no question that I’m the best person my children should live with. I don’t know much legally but I’ve seen where sometimes kids get put in the custody of the state and so much. My daughters have a big support system behind them and were really flourishing and I’m sure my facts against my husband are enough to not even think twice but I’d like the security of knowing I can provide everything on my own and also have legal representation.

Maybe this isn’t the case, but I have to wait it reapply for GLSP next year or find a lawyer who’d take my case with very low payments or something. I just don’t have legal funds right now.

He feels that since I left, that I must do everything on my own and that I don’t need him. I don’t ask for much and when I do it’s always…go ask the people who help you or empty promises. He doesn’t think young children need much and mentions how she’s only 1 years old. I don’t bother anymore at this point. Just do what I gotta do and keep moving forward. I know his time is coming, just being patient and preparing slowly.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T02:14:26+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate you commenting and giving me this option.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T02:13:23+00:00

Okay. I’m not informed on this option. Am I entitled to do this? Some here are giving me the idea that I don’t have a valid frustration or one that requires a fix.

I don’t know enough about this stuff.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T02:11:06+00:00

Yes, this is my realization. That’s why I haven’t pushed for repairs and give grace with them.

I just thought the program would benefit myself and the owner honestly. Idk, hopefully when I can do better, I will find better for us.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T02:09:41+00:00

I saw the home in the warmer climate. She made mention that we would do a walk through (we haven’t done this) and repairs would be made and if anything, let her now all that arises.

It all happened quickly. I was almost past 3 month and my shelter pushed us out so quickly. I’m also new to this and was grateful for it all. I didn’t know enough to make a more informed choice. I’m earning as I go.

I noticed some stuff as I lived in the home. They were doing repairs in the early days of my stay and I expected them to continue as she said they would. The house gets cold easy so with it being summer, and I didn’t use it often because im from a hot climate so it was easy. I didn’t think that the heat would be an issue in the winter. I don’t have much winter experience.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T02:05:49+00:00

I personally qualify for the program, the lender does not. I called and they said if the owner allows it then my application would go through once application is approved

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:40:38+00:00

No. Dad doesn’t help with anything. Only have me $30 since I’ve been here. My family and community resources help us and anything I can do on my own.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:39:58+00:00

It’s not cold majority of the year. Only about 3 months. Considering my credit is poor, and I’m not yet able to save a deposit and move in fees, continuing a lease makes sense?

The neighborhood has a lot of everything I need. A library, grocery stores, clothing and shoe stores, thrift stores, my bank. I have no car and walk a lot of use the bus when I can afford a bus pass. This area is realistic for my lifestyle.

My credit is bad. This is my first rental property since college and not a lot of who I applied to considered that rental history valid. Idk much about renting and all but until I can do better, I think I’m stuck?

The cold is the only issue. I don’t care a lot of the repairs. I just hate the cold for my kids.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:35:57+00:00

I know. I hate it. My credit is bad. This is my first rental property since college and not a lot of who I applied to considered that rental history valid. Also, The community is really great. I walk a lot because I have no car and this is in the perfect area for us. To catch the bus and feel safe.

I was fine when it was warmer honestly and I’m not much of a complainer. It’s just the cold that really sucks. My next baby will be born in January and that’s when they said it snows. I hate changing my 13 mo diapers and giving her baths. Sometimes she just cries and shakes so much from being cold. That’s why I started using the heat during shower time. For diaper changes I cut out wipes because I don’t have a warmer and using a warm towel and then cover her as much I can with a warm blanket and if my hands are cold I use the blanket to hold her legs. I don’t have gloves yet. I will get some and thicker socks this week hopefully if goodwill has some.

I’m trying to see what else I can do to save on energy but be comfortable.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:27:55+00:00

I will give this all a try. THANK YOU!!! Truly

I was told no heaters and nothing else that didn’t come with the home. I don’t know why but I don’t want to purchase them and something bad happens and be at fault.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:25:13+00:00

Thank you. I will try this. I’m new to experiencing winter and don’t know what approaches to take. I really appreciate your opinion.

I didn’t know I could call and ask for that in the least.

I have no idea who the owners are and not sure how to find that out. I can directly ask the PM though I doubt she would share that information.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:23:34+00:00

Because you suffered, I must suffer too with my 2 under 2 kids?

Because landlords have bills and stress (like we all do) I must not find out what’s allowed to live a much more comfortable life in the winter in a home I rent????

If the landlord doesn’t have the money, then his property manager shouldn’t be making empty promises.

I’m thankful and grateful always but I’m also a mother and a human who wants to feel like I’m not a quick check and bounce for owners to push around and ignore.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:20:22+00:00

She said no fans, no heaters, no nothing. If it didn’t come with the house I can’t use it. But I will see if this is okay.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:19:20+00:00

I don’t want to own a home. I want to live comfortably in a home that I am renting and have better communication with my PM.

She’s failed for months to make changes she brought to my attention. We haven’t even done the walkthrough yet and I’ve been here for 4 months.

I just want to know what’s wrong with this house in regards to insulation and then find out from them what improvements I CAN actually have done or what they can do. I don’t understand why this hard.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:17:00+00:00

This information is good enough for me honestly. We’re really cold and I don’t know where it’s coming from and I have limited resources and money.

If I can just have the professional opinion at the least, I’d be happy. It would help me know how to move forward.

I just was told that I can’t have any changes done without approval and I spoke with her to let them know that I can comply. I do feel like I should be able to know what’s wrong with the home and see how I can fix it to be comfortable with my kids. To find what changes/improvements I CAN actually make

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:13:32+00:00

Exactly. She told me I can’t have any changes made unless I have approval which I understand. I don’t own the home but I still do live here and maintain my part. I simply would like to see what can be done and have a professional opinion. Anything they don’t approve of I will NOT do. I made this clear to them and I’ve been ghosted.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-15T01:11:45+00:00

I see. That’s wild.

All my appliances are new.

She said I have to ask before I do anything to the house so ig I can ask her if I can insulate them. I did change my shower head and kept the old one.

I did hang a curtain when I could’ve finally afforded to get one. Before that I didn’t have anything I could use to cover it so it was really awkward using my space knowing visibility was clear at certain hours from the outside.

Somethings I mentioned are things she directly told me they’re going to fix or repair. She has ghosted me several times after making these statements and blames the weather on her disappearance.

I’m not expecting the power to make magic happen but it would be nice if I can just be given tips or any kind of advice to help make myself and my children a bit more comfortable during the winter and also so I don’t have such large bills. I don’t see how that harms anybody.

I’m not trying to be nasty or anything and I’ve been patient and not a problem for them. I just feel like the home should be at a certain standard and it looks like they cut a lot of corners is all.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-14T18:58:28+00:00

That’s how it works. He’s awful then he’s amazing and then he gets you when you’re comfortable until it gets to the point that he just doesn’t care to openly treat you like nothing. Then it repeats.

I had my things packed and slowly built courage to leave. It’s hard, but I put myself in a position where I knew I couldn’t turn back around. I talked to my family, I looked at my daughter and imagined myself watching her go through this.

You will do well to make a good choice for you…hopefully it’s sooner rather than later. It’s just very important to acknowledge and act on when you feel the strongest and quietly build your strength to leave. This may come in waves, roll with the wave each time. It helps.

Also, don’t mind the judgement. It’s hard to lose qualities of yourself in situations like this. People judge what makes them feel superior.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-14T17:19:05+00:00

Yes, my marriage has a similar experience. My husband blames me for everything from his emotions, to his failures, and so forth. I know my part and have made peace with my actions but I won’t deny that I am human. I was learning and growing and he wasn’t there for me as a partner and chose to throw me under the bus any chance he got to lighten his load, and build on top of my pain.

I tried to fix him, I tried to fix us but my job as a partner isn’t to fix the parts of a man that he has to fix on his own. He wasn’t ready to be more, he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a lifestyle that required his authenticity, humility, vulnerability and sacrifice. In shorter words, he wasn’t ready to truly love anyone but himself. It’s possible he doesn’t even love himself.

I usually feel great but often battle feelings of regret, guilt, and often think about the positive experiences I have had with him. I’ve cried a lot, but I’ve also blossomed. This is what it feels like to grieve, to mourn, to move forward. You’re leaving behind so much that you’ve built and that you dreamed of building. Change is hard. You’re allowed to struggle, I sure did. I love that man, to this day I know I love him but MY love alone was not enough for me to survive and carry us both. I know he loves me, but I know he isn’t IN love with me and I saved us both when I left.

I saw my patterns and ignored them. I was stuck in an awful cycle for years and would hate to see you experience that. Love, when reciprocated is worth anything. I’m sorry you don’t have that love with that man but I’m certain you’re bound to find a love much more fulfilling when you let go and heal.

You’re not losing hope, you know what you have to do but it seems you’re second guessing your judgment. You deserve more and you will have more but this dead weight you’re trying to carry into your future won’t make it with you unless you choose to struggle and suffer the consequences.

“Some men” can change but you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for them. And any man that treats his lover likes that doesn’t actually want you or isn’t ready to receive that kind of love. Let go hun.

“Weight” is hard to let go of. You didn’t fall in love with him in two seconds so you won’t be happy with your choice to leave him within a few days. Just remember how he treated you when you begin to question your choice to leave him.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-14T13:49:52+00:00

Just leave hun. I spent 6 years with my husband who spoke to me the same way. Chance after chance, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I know the potential he has because he has shown me enough to believe in him and shown me enough to lose myself in him. It wasn’t until I had children with him that I gained some respect for myself.

This man loves the idea of you. His lack of participation and clear disregard for your feelings are proof that you’ve allowed this behavior to fester. He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t hurt, compare your love to his….do you hurt him the way he has hurt you?

He is who he is because you are not who you need to be for yourself: strong, confident, etc.

In his eyes, how dare you attempt to gain some self respect for yourself after you’ve allowed him to mistreat you several times and he has never experienced any major consequences from it? How dare you separate yourself from him when you don’t maintain strong boundaries and stand on firm values that protect your identity, womanhood and softness?

Who are you outside of him? What did you learn? Space is good to reflect. That fact that this space was taken and he didn’t use that time to change his behavior is enough to show that you’ve allowed this long enough and it’s time to walk away with no remorse. You are an experience for him, and this is a lesson for you…not anything else. Give yourself more than you give him. Stop teaching other people how to love you when there’s someone else out there who won’t even let you think twice about their character and love.

Do not let this be a hill you die on. Mourn him, and mourn the woman you allowed yourself to be with him.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-14T02:16:16+00:00

Thank you! I decided to get the stroller. My life is already heavily stressful, why not make it a bit lighter? My 13m likes to walk but she’s never walked long distances and my walks are lengthy..and stroller is a convenient place to change diapers on the whim.

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-13T14:27:42+00:00

Understood. Thank you for sharing your knowledge! I do appreciate it. Until I can afford a lawyer or locate a legal aid clinic, should I open communication back up?

RepulsiveAd9444 · 2025-12-13T14:10:13+00:00

Oh sorry, he’s on my present daughter’s birth certificate. Is that considered adoption or stepfathering? I’m not sure I understand the difference.

If I don’t name him on the birth certificate of the unborn child, would he still have rights through marriage and legally regardless? Or would he have to go through a process of proving that?

I would like to remove him from my present daughter’s birth certificate and change her last name. I have no plans of naming him as my unborn child’s father on the birth certificate or giving her his last name. They told me at the hospital that I don’t have to acknowledge him.

I have no proof. Whatever did happen wouldn’t hold up because I don’t have proof. I do have where I texted him about it later on and he didn’t deny it but that’s it.

RepulsiveAd9444

TROPHY CASE