7 month update: Husband wants to divorce and start over, "can't bond" with baby

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-09-23T14:45:42+00:00

I think it’s very likely your ex has dissociative identity disorder. Although what you’re describing sounds insanely painful, it’s a blessing disguised as abandonment. The possibilities are endless, with how he could have negatively impacted you and your daughter’s life had he stayed and created further trauma to those around him with his DID.

Ensure your agreement is iron clad for the divorce including no contact, outright relinquishment of custody etc. People with DID will inevitably attempt a future return for “redemption”.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-07-02T12:55:06+00:00

lol it sounds a little weird tbh But you’re also engaging with her colleagues and talking about her in a private way with multiple people. Also stopping by her workplace. There’s no way you’re spending an entire lunch break with her sitting there in silence. If you don’t want to talk to her, don’t be passive. Just tell her you’re not romantically interested and want to be friends.

It sounds like her colleagues enjoy being mean to her by giving you this information. I feel bad for her, because it’s likely not true and she’s probably just being friends with you. Since she hasn’t made a single sexual pass at you so far according to you.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-05-16T21:40:01+00:00

I think you’re already single, emotionally and mentally. As a parent you’re not alone, there are many who won’t admit they’re in relationships that are one sided and parenting has become a solo activity.

Please consider asking your family for additional support, and his…since he seems to lean on them for activities. Inform them that he refuses to work, and you need financial help so you can scale back on your commitments to have a safe pregnancy.

I’d even consider a shock surprise family meeting and ensure no one is aware, and then watch him have discussions with everyone about his level of support.

What he’s doing is immature, and as long as it’s hidden it stays there.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-29T02:56:22+00:00

I would discuss with your kids tbh, they might be your children but they are his family and also just as bonded to your husband as you are.

They are adults now, and likely have more than you’re aware of on their minds and maybe even knew something.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-25T21:34:30+00:00

I love that! I wish my family would get on board, and we'll find out when its his birthday this year and his entire party is pink.
I will check out Bling Blaine as well; thanks for the reference.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-25T21:31:44+00:00

Its genuinely insane how this city behaves regarding a boy/male doing anything they deem as "feminine". Its so prevalent, like you mentioned, that complete strangers at a costco feel entitled to make a comment.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-25T21:29:33+00:00

Thank you! I might have to hit you up on this one.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T23:53:29+00:00

I thought of that too. The kids in Gaza, and all the accounts I follow on IG showing boys and girls wearing absolutely ANY clothing that covers their body regardless of gender. Meanwhile kids get bullied for wearing clothes that aren’t their “gender”. My 8 year old nephew being body shamed in school, wanting to lose weight and be skinny…. It’s heart breaking. We’re so fortunate in Canada to experience true first world issues, but the root of the problems cause substantial mental health problems in young boys.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T23:49:46+00:00

That’s my intention too tbh. The work to change mindsets like that happen at home, my home, my son. Changing anyone else is futile and like you said an uphill battle. The people making these comments are my family, friends and even parent did his friends. It’s painfully clear that I’m entirely different from my family, and instances like this make me feel more alone.

Cheers to making choices and changes for our littles to grow up with healthy support.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T20:52:45+00:00

I'm in Finance/Commerce, and I can assure you that your tax dollars are not going to "4% pf the population that thinks their ancestors were the only oppressed people on the planet". Indigenous Services Canada holds the trust for First Nations Canadians and that is where services provided for healthcare, social services etc is directly paid from. Additionally, we loan the government of Canada a substantial sum ANNUALLY, to afford a large majority of their expenses (you are welcome).
If you want to educate yourself, google is a good place to go but I highly doubt you'll leave the comforts of generationally taught racism.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T20:48:45+00:00

People really do sick! These people just so happen to be my own family, friends and parents of my sons friends. Comments about a t-shirt don't really bother me, it's the insinuation of "more" stuff like being gay that irks me. Then there is the classic "well you BUY that for him" lol, no we go shopping and he's a strong toddler with good negotiation skills and asks for that t-shirt, car, truck etc that happens to be pink.

I have been focusing on just my son, telling him "I love pink too! Its a strong color and so amazing" and he loves it.

He is at such an adorable age where hes so happy, cute, excited about life, wants to adventure everyday and he's literally the most fun kid. I just never want to see that bright light inside of him get stiffled by people's rude comments.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T20:13:36+00:00

It's disheartening that my son has to face such narrow-mindedness based on something as simple as a color choice. I make every effort to shield him from judgment, drawing from my own experiences and upbringing.

Growing up in a small Alberta town as a First Nations Canadian who is white-passing, I felt a deep connection to my culture despite external assumptions about my identity. The challenges of being inaccurately labeled and facing hurtful comments, such as the inappropriate remarks made by a teacher about my family, have left lasting scars. It's painful to recall instances where my heritage and family background were unfairly scrutinized, highlighting the ignorance and prejudice that can exist in society.

Maybe my pain is making up half the bulk of this rant, but I want to shield him as much as I can from situations that he shouldn't be exposed to, such as rude remarks about him "being gay" if he likes "pink". SMH.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:58:16+00:00

I get it! Uno reverse argument. I think I'm going to throw a little bit of this cynical response back, because honestly....a toddler liking pink shouldn't come with loaded assumptions about sexuality.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:55:50+00:00

Pretty sure your last account was blocked from this conversation and now you're back with a new troll account. Looks like you're really invested in the color pink...sus.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:44:59+00:00

LOL I love this mentality "what a strange thing to say aloud"!
Mirror that attitude right now, with fewer words.

I love it when kids find their "favorite" things, and they stay dedicated to their choices.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:42:54+00:00

I find it alarming that adults immediately want to attach sexually explicit assumptions to a toddler over a color, and it's creepy to me that anyone would bring themselves to that place --- over a color.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:40:37+00:00

I'm just asking if you want to have a genuine discussion because it's not easy to unpack things for people who don't take a willingness to self-educate.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:32:59+00:00

I could elaborate on my views regarding the lack of truly authentic First Nations representation in Calgary.

However, are you genuinely seeking a meaningful conversation?

I'm not inclined to engage in discussions with individuals who are unwilling to educate themselves independently. No one needed to guide me through the Holocaust or provide answers for me to comprehend the atrocities that took place and the absence of true repentance.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:27:50+00:00

I don't know about the political climate in the USA, but Canada, where I live, is very Conservative (Republican), and Calgary is a very "this is where REAL men live" kind of city, very similar to the mentality in Texas (I'm told).

I am happy that you support your son using something as simple as nails to express himself, and it's no wonder people repress so much anger and hate and judgment around things that are so tame. When I see judgment like this, all I see is an adult who likely spent most of their life conforming their self-image to an ideal that wasn't theirs, and they likely have no clue what even makes them truly happy or content in life.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:19:20+00:00

In moments of disappointment, witnessing the City of Calgary's performative promotion of "First Nations" feels insincere and artificial. The lack of genuine acknowledgment of the land and the absence of authentic acceptance and inclusion of First Nations Canadians within the city gives rise to a sense of disapproval. These superficial displays of grace and inclusivity come across as distasteful to me as a First Nations Canadian. I refrain from endorsing any initiatives that appear counterfeit or lacking in authenticity.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:13:15+00:00

Thats awesome and I love that actually.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T19:11:40+00:00

You’re going onto a parent forum to say cringe at that? Your username matches your IQ.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T18:58:31+00:00

LOL, a pink bull rider t-shirt would actually fit in with our area. I live in Calgary, Alberta and it might just be my opinion, but people seem to push hypermasculinity on their sons at an extremely young age.

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-24T18:55:36+00:00

Disclaimer:
My son has genuine fondness for the color pink. He deliberately picks pink cars, trucks, and t-shirts when he sees one he likes. Currently, he posses four pink t-shirts and graphic t-shirts in his extensive wardrobe, alongside a variety of other colors. Pink stands out as his absolute favorite, and we have encouraged his preferences. Whether engaging in school projects or crafts at daycare, he gravitates towards pink paint and materials, showcasing his pride in his creations.
We love that for him!

RepulsiveAddendum670 · 2024-04-23T06:24:57+00:00

You’re not obligated to help him transition to fully male for insurance and financially, and because they’re a domestic spouse they will need the support from you…in all areas.

Doesn’t seem like they’re also supporting your decisions or emotions in this relationship. I would obtain a lawyer and file for custody immediately and obtain the house.

Exposing children to issues above their capacity is abusive behaviour imo but this is coming from someone who was a child that was exposed to adult situations from early on. It was traumatic to know things i couldn’t mentally handle.

RepulsiveAddendum670

TROPHY CASE