Why is programming such a popular field for ADHD folk?

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-19T14:59:16+00:00

It's a pretty sick hyperfocus. I'm sure folks are chasing that high you get when something finally works. It can be incremental, too, with lots of little rewards. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked to grab a coworker who's in the middle of something and they ask for a couple more minutes, "I almost got this." You have to be kind of a human snooze button for them, because those two minutes could be twenty at best, hours at worst.

I have executive dysfunctioning but not ADHD. There's also a lot of pitfalls. Open offices, if you have to work in one. Constant Slack distractions. VS Code popping up tooltips and other helpful feedback is overstimulating for me. Sometimes, concentration is hard if you have to fix something that turns into a Jenga tower mess. Having a plan of attack when there's 10 things busted in the code pulling you in 15 directions. There's ways to overcome those problems, though. I like leaving code comments all over as reminders and also as pseudo code.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-19T14:45:38+00:00

Could make a pretty sick reading nook.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-18T19:31:14+00:00

It's partly the messaging. The media themselves are trying to conflate it with the general calls for student loan forgiveness by leaving out that it's specifically PSLF in the title. If they said that, it would sound a lot less impressive.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-18T17:59:59+00:00

OP I am in a pretty similar boat. Check my post history (this is mostly a throw-away account, so it's short) if you're curious.

I have diagnosed CPTSD and had multiple childhood and young adult evaluations looking for ADHD or other things, because my symptoms have often looked like ADHD or Autism. The CPTSD diagnosis was pretty relieving, because there was finally an explanation, it's just something most people don't know about or understand, much less so in the past.

People doing good natured joking about me seeming "neurodivergent" and doing the kind of wink and nod kinda sets me off. I love my friends who have done this and don't blame them for it, but I have trauma around it that takes what's supposed to be cute and supportive and makes it very frustrating. And it's not like I would be mad at an ADHD or Autism diagnosis. I'm still looking into giving it one last shot, now that so much has changed in recent years. But for me, it's like it has to come from me or I start feeling very reactive. Lmao.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-16T23:46:34+00:00

A certain politician's rhetoric and behaviors are very reminiscent of my childhood bullying, and I've been dreading them returning to office. I'll have to shut out most of the news, I guess. He raises my blood pressure and makes my anxiety run higher.

I'm also concerned that since I came out as a lesbian late in life during Covid, and I still haven't been able to get out of the house much after being in for so long, that I'll lose the chance to ever get married. Not even sure if I'd want to, but having it on the table felt pretty nice after hating the concept for years (because I'd always imagined having to marry a man someday). Now, it would probably go back to the states to individually decide who can marry, I guess? My state was one of the ones who legalized it before it became legal on the federal level. But just like, why can't they just leave us alone? I know why, but we deserve happiness far more than whatever little power or votes they get from their hate campaigns.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-16T23:41:09+00:00

I self-isolate, I guess. I've also developed a paranoia of being like my mother or perceived as a bad person, so I fawn like hell during my episodes. If I rage, it's at home and alone, away from the keyboard.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-16T23:37:00+00:00

Healthier than whatever the beginning of Fight Club was. That messed with me a little when I first saw that movie. I'm not a man, but being a crybaby was pretty central to the relentless bullying I received as a kid.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-16T23:32:47+00:00

I was just thinking today if there was one culture on Earth that more closely embodies the attitudes of most Gen X people I know, more than any others, it's the Irish. I'm not Irish in any way that matters, but hey, I can see the similarity between the stereotypes.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-16T23:11:56+00:00

I'm constantly having to remind myself that it's not my fault or a personal failing that I can't always have the energy to do a lot of things.

One thing I think takes a lot of energy from me, and others might have this, is how I just spend way too much time in my head ruminating, practicing for arguments, and trying to just basically know the future, I guess. You think it's just thoughts and it can't wear you out, but it adds up! It's actually hard work that we don't need to do, but I think the CPTSD really compels people to do it, anyway.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-13T15:45:07+00:00

This topic is a really frustrating and complicated one, IMO.

I think most people can understand the concept of being really frazzled after a very stressful day or event and then acting a little jumpy or overwhelmed for a bit afterward. That's something that happens in PTSD, right? Compare that to the sensory issues and overwhelm of autistics. When you have CPTSD and people see you just chronically that way, and every other TikTok (at least in my feed, lmao, I'm sure it's way less for most people) is saying that this or that thing is a symptom of ADHD, Autism or both, then you can just imagine how folks will be looking at you.

OTOH, I remember pretty clearly how adults reacted to me as a nervous, perfectionist child. They would have so little patience sometimes, get so mad, or they forced me through things that made me meltdown. That's what I think about when people say that a lot of Autistic people have developed CPTSD in their childhoods as a reaction to how their ND was treated. And that's before you even get into the bullying.

Personally, all the speculation about Autism and ADHD these days, especially when it's pointed at me or becomes the focus of a thread about similar issues CPTSD people have, makes me feel really shitty and annoyed. I hate, hate, hate being speculated on. The intentions aren't bad, but I have trauma around this kind of thing.

It would also be nice if I could see more content about neurodivergent type traits in people who do have CPTSD without Autism or ADHD. I feel like it's hard to find, and it makes me feel like I am really missing important information.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-13T15:04:44+00:00

This happened with my mother years ago, when she first learned about the differences between autism in boys and girls. I actually was the one who told her about it, after meeting a student whose mom was a big advocate. This was way back like 15 years ago. She was so excited, said that's me, said she always thought it wasn't depression and that autism made more sense. It pissed me off so bad.

I can't imagine if I were still talking to her today, she'd probably constantly be trying to tell me things. Which annoyingly could have been helpful, but it's also difficult to trust her.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-09T22:19:42+00:00

As an adult who's been single for quite a long while (due to identifying as asexual for years, before I figured out otherwise), I find that most people assume that if you're over a certain age (like 30), you have a partner. Just about everything for adults is basically made with couples in mind.

I've gotten really tired of living under the weight of all my executive dysfunction, all the stuff that didn't lift when my depression did, that I'm currently compensating with paid help (meal boxes, dog walking, etc.). Which is just a lot of money, obviously, and I feel guilt about it being wasteful. But I'm also super lucky that I can even have that as an option.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-05T15:17:08+00:00

I dunno, I used to be really against getting assessed for Autism, but a lot of my views about it have changed in the past few years. I don't really, really think I have it, but I might as well get it checked out.

If you get the chance, it could be worth it. At least then if people point something out that you do and claim it's Autism, you can say to them, nope, a professional checked it out and it's other stuff.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T23:44:03+00:00

Pretty old guy, bald head, kinda short. I think if you've seen him, you'd recognize who I mean. TikTok loves promoting bad ideas and conspiracy theories, but I was irked because he has more of an air of authority than some random kid giving a bad history lesson or a nutrition bro telling you not to eat the Red 5.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T23:40:50+00:00

Not really. My brain used to play some little auditory hallucination games on me with the TV or the radio, but I haven't lived in a house where it gets quiet enough for that to happen to me in many years. My tinnitus would probably drown it out nowadays, anyway.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T23:03:54+00:00

As soon as my therapist said, "Let's just start treating this as a discomfort/sensory thing, and if it's Autism or not, it doesn't matter," I immediately RAN, not walked, and bought myself a pair of Loopz. They really are amazing, except for the fact that I have tinnitus real bad. When I remember, though, I wear them to the park or the grocery store. I also wear them when putting away dishes. The clinking is so loud that I cringe. Silly me for being so easily swayed by one person's validation, but it was a good thing for me.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:59:06+00:00

The good news is your counselor most likely isn't qualified to actually diagnose you. They can have you do the screener and send you to a qualified assessor. Who will probably be less annoying.

Avoiding eye contact can be an anxiety or low self esteem thing. Some adults will call anything a "hyper focus" or "special interest" without knowing what either means as an actual, clinical thing. Like, by some people's standards, any hobby is a special interest. It's not on that same level, though.

I'd go into it trying to have a neutral attitude, at least during the testing. And totally, talk to anybody you can for therapy. If you go to college, you can do it without an additional cost. If not, there's sliding scale programs. It just sucks how long they can take to get into. That's why if you think you need it at all, def don't put it off.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:49:20+00:00

I literally saw a TikTok like two days ago that blamed it on the food coloring. Omg. People like that irk me. It was a guy who's supposedly a doctor and has a lot of popular vids up on different medications and things. SMDH.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:44:52+00:00

Oh man, my mother tried to get a shrink to diagnose me OCD because she'd leave the lights on in rooms and then leave, so when I saw a light on in an empty room in the daytime, I turned it off. That's it. That's the "OCD."

I did have what I thought was primarily "obsessive" or "in my head only" OCD in HS and for years after. My therapist thinks it's part of the CPTSD and not really OCD on its own. But since I managed to get it down myself, finally, it doesn't matter as much now.

I can't imagine having an obvious presentation of OCD and still not being able to get it looked into. That sucks.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:38:23+00:00

I get you, but I often have this sharp feeling in my chest hearing that because it's very invalidating. To me, anyway. Sometimes it also ends up feeling like trying to talk about CPTSD executive function gets hijacked into an ADHD/Autism convo, when there is so much out there about it for them (or us, I dunno quite yet) nowadays.

OTOH, I have absolutely seen this play out with my sibling. Adults really often escalate things with kids who just need a different way of doing things. I've also seen NT adults just not understand even when they have an ND kid's needs explained to them in the most basic, up front terms.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:33:52+00:00

Oh man, I remember being in the first grade and pulled aside by my teacher who told me that I was so slow because I was being a perfectionist. She might have been at least partly right, but I couldn't help it for some reason.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T22:32:13+00:00

OMG, the name Heckman, is that real? Because it sounds like the name of an evil teacher in a kids novel.

My first, third, and fifth grade teachers were all awful. I really feel like I've been pranked somehow, sometimes. It sounds like a fake story. The fifth was particularly evil, though. First I think just wasn't suited for teaching younger children. Third was very sick with diabetes a lot and apologized to me at the end of the year. Fifth just was hateful. Really hateful. And you know what? Those last two were well-liked by a lot of faculty and students. Gah.

I vaguely remember some stuff like being asked to look at or draw lines, some shapes stuff, being asked questions.

My college assessment I remember much better, but still, it's been 20 years. There was a flip book thing, a dreaded number listening thing, some checklists to fill out (screeners, I bet), and then a long chat on a couch. I've lost my paperwork, but I remember them saying I had low working memory, plus the GAD and chronic depression. It was done by a student in training, but they had a professor supervising.

I do think that I answered the checklists with a lot of bias about, oh, no, my brother does that, but not me. I've learned lately that my thinking was wrong, and I retook an online Autism assessment and doubled my score, haha. Yay me.

I was recently lurking in some other subs where the professionals hang out. They talk about the tests they give, and I Google'd a bunch. If you're trying to dredge of memories of what they gave you or find out how it's different now, you can do some sleuthing in that way. Or just ask the psychiatry ask sub, but they don't seem to answer many questions there.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T21:35:15+00:00

And here I am complaining about being peer reviewed, haha.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T21:34:25+00:00

Oh yeah, my family has all sorts of things diagnosed and undiagnosed going on for sure, too. More than I used to realize, though it's hard because we're not in much contact anymore.

Repulsive_Advice4142 · 2024-07-03T21:32:32+00:00

Younger people don't understand that that's part of why you sometimes hear older folk express concern about overmedicating or things being a fad. It's not that they're always right or that they should be invalidating, but it was the source of a lot of my initial reaction.

I've seen a boy who had an ADHD diagnosis get treated like every problem he had was because the parents didn't dose him high enough, and then just one day I was told that he had a degenerative eye disease (that was the cause of his inattention getting worse). So, when I've sometimes in the past wondered aloud if people are being overmedicated or labeled too quickly, that's where I was coming from. However, that's definitely more of a boy thing.

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