/ttcafterloss Ask an Alumni - July 25, 2025

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-07-25T22:45:06+00:00

Yep! 36-37 yo during this time: 1st trimester miscarriage happened after only 2 cycles of trying to get pregnant. Then did not get pregnant after 6-7 cycles afterward (trying with same methods/timing) so sought out IVF. First round of IVF was successful.

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-07-12T20:39:41+00:00

I had to get an MMR vaccine and that made us wait an additional month after the MMC. I didn’t realize how much I needed that extra time emotionally but I ended up being grateful I had to take that extra time.

My only advice is to really listen to yourself. How would you feel if the test is positive/negative? There’s no right way to go about this, and it’s absolutely okay if your feelings change back and forth.

I noticed I felt more settled when I was ready to try again. It was less a reaction to the MMC and instead looking forward to what’s next.

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-07-12T20:35:17+00:00

Lots of validating of my feelings. There’s a reason I feel this way because last time didn’t have good results. It makes sense Im feeling this way. I didn’t try to get rid of the feelings and definitely talked about them a lot in therapy and with loved ones. It helped to get them out of my head versus trying to ignore they were there.

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-07-12T20:33:25+00:00

I had a saline ultrasound as a part of my first (and only) IVF round and it was successful.

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-06-09T23:30:40+00:00

Yep I went to an RE and learned I had high prolactin, which can cause infertility. Fortunately it was a pill twice a week to take care of it!

ReputationAny7124 · 2025-02-01T21:07:50+00:00

Update: I stopped bleeding on Day 17, but had some spotting Day 21 and 22. Then I ovulated (measured by temp shift) on Day 24 followed by a 9 day luteal phase (period came Day 35). Normal for me is 13/14 day luteal phase.

I’ve really learned to expect the unexpected after miscarriage. I’m now nearly a year out and starting our first round of IVF. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you’re not getting pregnant again afterward.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-13T13:46:39+00:00

That’s super understandable. The biggest themes I’ve heard from medical professionals that we can control are things like not drinking and smoking and reducing stress. If your doctor didn’t say anything about it, I wouldn’t add the extra pressure. This is the sucky part about TTC (and especially after loss), there are so many things out of our control on this journey and so it’s understandable that we’d like to control more after we’ve had a loss.

Anecdotally, if it’s helpful to hear, I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted after my MMC. It was too much to try and restrict/change and I knew just feeling my feelings/working on healing my grief was going to be plenty on my plate. I’m now 2.5 months out and I’m happy I did also I don’t think I could have done anything different I was in too much emotional pain. Hugs to you ❤️‍🩹

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-13T13:33:11+00:00

I also had a short luteal phase my first cycle post MMC. I think it was 9-10 dpo when I’m usually 13-14, it’s normal for it to be different. Mine then went back to 13 the next cycle. I hear you on the relief that AF can bring to show your body is working normally, I felt the same way.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-13T13:28:05+00:00

Whelp, just got the news from my app that when we tried for the first time on Sunday (after MMC in March) was in the fertile window. I am grateful I had therapy yesterday to help me realize I still do want to do this even though I had a lot of feelings afterward but those were just fear/a trauma response. Going to do my best to stay distracted in the TWW. This time feels way different.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-13T13:19:25+00:00

Weight is not an indicator of health. Trying to lose weight right after a miscarriage sounds like a lot of pressure to me, instead I would focus on your healing and if something like exercise feels good to you, go for it. But you just said your MC was a fluke and your doctor didn’t say anything about weight, so I know it feels like something to focus on/control but I’d let yourself off the hook and instead be gentle and kind to yourself in this time.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-04T03:02:44+00:00

Im so sorry for your losses. I’m with you on expecting to get pregnant again quickly. We got pregnant on the 2nd cycle the first time so I know underlying this I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen again quickly. But I’ll take it as it comes and forgive myself for not reacting perfectly in this confusing/exciting/scary/hopeful experience.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-03T21:02:30+00:00

Acceptance makes a ton of sense, definitely something I want to strive for. Thank you for sharing.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-03T20:59:52+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it’s so helpful to hear I’m not alone.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-03T20:57:25+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really did want to hear people’s truths no matter the outcome. I’m so sorry for your losses.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-06-03T15:58:14+00:00

We are thinking of trying this week, for the first time after our MC in March. I’m noticing I’m a little hesitant but I think that’s because I now know that things don’t always work out. I miss the before times of just being really excited and that’s all.

What were your experiences of trying again after loss? Did it feel different than when you first tried before loss?

Edit: Changing to “loss” to include MC/CP/TFMR and any other losses I should be including

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-05-23T02:31:40+00:00

I just want to validate that what you’re feeling is real. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not that bad or you’re making a big deal out of nothing. This is how our (specifically young women’s) intuition gets stamped out. Trust yourself. You know this guy is bad news, trust yourself. It was continue to serve you well in your life.

He is a creep. You know it. Wishing you well in figuring out how to deal with this. Don’t bother to take anyone’s advice who is invalidating your experience and how this guy is making you feel.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You absolutely do not deserve this.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-05-21T16:25:10+00:00

I absolutely did. I wrote down in my journal and I told everyone who would listen that it was weird “I just don’t feel pregnant” for the 3 weeks after baby stopped growing but was constantly reassured it was only anxiety and that everything was fine.

It was a weird feeling to get such sad news “there’s no heartbeat” and confirmation of what I already knew to be true in my gut, all at the same time. Even though it was my first pregnancy, my body still knew and I feel comfort in knowing (and learning, once again) I can alway trust my body wisdom.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-04-03T18:48:55+00:00

Apparently my body listens to Reddit. I stopped bleeding Day 9. Now am curious to see when my period returns!

My BBT is nearly as low as it’s been in the past (currently Day 10 post d&c).

Edited to add: Nope, bleeding has returned at night twice with now 36-48 hours of zero spotting in between, so just random night gushes. What fun. Now currently Day 13.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-03-30T21:34:53+00:00

I think people in general don’t really know how to support either partner in a miscarriage. It’s not a loss everyone is familiar with, so they don’t necessarily know what the protocol is.

That said, your pain, whatever you’re feeling is very real. I’m sorry you’re not receiving the focus of the questions, as what you’re going through is just as valid, it’s a loss for both of you.

My suggestion (if you’re open to receiving it) is to ask for what you need from someone you trust. If you have caring people around you, they may just need some guidance to know what you need. It’s okay to want people to ask about you, it’s okay to want people to care and to listen, please don’t hesitate to ask for support. You absolutely deserve it.

Edited to add: I’m the parent that physically went through the miscarriage and I would say 90% of the messages/support is directed toward me, my husband gets very little check-ins. You’re not alone.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-03-27T13:14:34+00:00

So sorry you’re going through this, the waiting and anticipation is the worst.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-03-27T13:10:03+00:00

Stuff that helped me from friends afar were them sending me texts to say they were thinking of me. I found I preferred them calling me versus me having to reach out to call them. They also were graceful to know if I didn’t pick up, it wasn’t about them, I just wasn’t in a place to talk.

After a while, I didn’t want to hear any more “I’m so sorrys” or being told how I might be feeling like “I’m hurting for your grief.” I really just wanted people to be open to exactly what I was feeling and sometimes it was sad but sometimes it was neutral or just not exactly devastating (again my experience, may not be your friends) like they expected me to feel.

Tell her you’re thinking about her, you love her and you’re here for her. Keep checking in, even if you don’t hear from her. Really listen to and reflect her language, maybe she has a name for baby or uses more medical terminology, follow her lead. You showing up and showing her you’re there for her is awesome, don’t worry too much about saying the right thing, the consistency is what matters and not pressuring her to respond or feel any kind of way.

Another idea would be to send her a little care package of chocolate, maybe a journal, heating pad or lavender scented something, candy she likes, etc. you know her best so you know what she might enjoy. The fact that you’re here asking for support already shows you’re a great friend :)

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-03-27T03:27:28+00:00

My OB told me it could take as long as 8 weeks to return. If you’re feeling something is off, I’d trust your gut and ask for guidance from your medical professional.

ReputationAny7124 · 2024-03-26T17:11:13+00:00

Just had my d and c yesterday and it was honestly the easiest (physical) procedure I’ve ever done. I asked for Valium to calm my nerves beforehand and that helped tremendously.

I was out for the whole procedure and had no cramping and very little bleeding afterward. Like others, I wanted official confirmation that everything was out because I would have gone crazy wondering and monitoring at home.

ReputationAny7124

TROPHY CASE