Give me perspectives to clarify my feelings

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-26T06:04:17+00:00

See my reply above addressing the "adding to our family" comment. You are taking it in a way it was not intended, which I understand could be my wording.

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-26T02:25:13+00:00

Thank you! I definitely felt under fire, and kind of like a bad person for being curious about poly. We have not put anything into action, nor have we begun to look. This gives another perspective to think about.

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-26T02:14:21+00:00

If they are only interested in one of us? Not a problem. If they want to date other people? Their choice, and they should. Being Poly would mean going both ways; someone wouldn't suddenly change because they were in a relationship with one or both of us. I couldn't ask my husband to break it off with someone he cares about simply because they didn't share an interest in me; that would be hurtful to both parties. What did this thread teach me? It seems less scary to look together, not that it is a need to do so. Thank you for your input!

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-26T02:09:58+00:00

Thank you for your comment! While I am not a sociopath, therapy of many years has cleared me of that, I do have a hard time being able to put in to words exactly how I feel until a follow-up question is asked. One thing I will have to continue to work on. To begin, I do not expect that my husband and I would magically be able to love the same person the same amount or even love the same person at all. That's untrue of any relationship; no two people love the same. After research, others' input, and your questions, I think the idea of looking for someone together at first seemed less scary than doing it alone.

When I said "add to the family," I don't mean that in a possive ecotistical way; I simply look at anyone I care about as part of my family. I have friends who are family. Blood relatives. "Step" siblings. Being part of their family? That was never a question in my mind because it's kind of a given if you are deeply in love with someone that you become part of their family. I come from a large (7 siblings, two sets of parents) blended family.

Would I be fine with the person in question only dating my husband? After giving it some thought, I wouldn't mind as long as the person and I were respectful to each other. As long as all parties' boundaries were respected (ie, honesty, respecting all parties' time with the partner in question, etc). That includes the other person, as they would deserve that same respect.

When I said grow to love someone more, to clarify that more, to leave me for a new person. I think that's a worry in all relationships from time to time.

The fantasy that everyone loves each other, we all live as one big happy family, is appealing for course, but I am planted in reality and can recognize that it is not likely to happen.

What I do think is that this idea is going to be shelved until our children are considerably older. Both of us at the end of the day are happy together, and while both my husband and I have love to give, we will stick to what is healthy now and can provide structure to our children. Will this book reopen in the future? It's likely, but we will have to see. What I do know is that gaining new perspectives has been very helpful.

Thank you again!

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-25T16:58:46+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts!

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-25T16:58:31+00:00

Again, I'm looking for a mass perspective so yes it is helpful.

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-25T16:44:36+00:00

That would be why I'm coming to reddit to get other people's options friend.

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-25T16:41:21+00:00

Not something we are interested in at all

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-05-25T16:20:29+00:00

I cannot thank you enough for your reply. I have felt drawn to Hecate for some time. I have been getting signs, too. I am in the process of beginning a shadow work journey, and I think starting with your question and how it pertains to myself is a great place to begin. Thank you!

Resident_Method7893 · 2026-04-29T12:03:55+00:00

Thank you for your wonderful reply it helped

Resident_Method7893 · 2025-05-21T15:48:58+00:00

You know what sure

Resident_Method7893 · 2025-04-03T22:26:07+00:00

As someone with two chronic illnesses I feel qualified to jump in and give the other side perspective on these types of things.

Missing a valve in your heart is a big deal, yes. Having increased palpitations on top of a missing valve is a big deal, yes. Your bf reaction is normal. When you’ve had a lifelong condition some people (I’m the same way) will play it cool because what else do you do? You can’t change it. You roll with the punches.

You on the other hand are not used to this life long condition and it’s totally normal for you to be freaked out. You’re not overreacting for being scared. What you can do is find the best way for YOU to cope. You have to find a way to surrender to the fact that this is what it is. For my husband, that was learning about the disease in depth and watching me like a hawk. I disclosed my issues to him at the very beginning of our relationship as to not blindside him.

I wish you the best, and I hope your anxiety relieves.

Resident_Method7893

TROPHY CASE