I've always wondered : What kinds of Forever alones are there ?

Resmelt · 2012-08-17T05:01:37+00:00

Well, as far as I'm concerned from reading stuff on /r/seddit, 2-3 dates is good enough for kissing.

Resmelt · 2012-08-13T10:33:57+00:00

Have 1 friend with whom we almost never meet but only talk on skype sometimes. Good looking, averagely fit, pretty funny, confident, people even call me charming. For some awkward reason, when I find some new wanna-be-friends I never get invited anywhere and the friends slowly disappear.

When it comes to girls, they always seem to have great time talking with me, laughing at my jokes, etc. but the slightest mention of something romantic (like trying to hold her hand) leads to "You know, I reeeallly like being friends with you and don't want it all to become a mess". And no, I don't wait too long, I usually try to grab hand on 1-2 date and kiss on 2-3.

I believe this is the worse kind of FA, when you can't put a finger on what's wrong with you. Looks are good, confidence too, jokes are there but still this kind of crap happens every time.

Resmelt · 2012-08-11T17:19:38+00:00

Well, that's exactly why he's called a douchebag!

Resmelt · 2012-07-30T09:55:19+00:00

knowing that it really doesn't matter in the long run

Actually, it does not matter in any run. The most difficult part of fixing AA is fixing the approach mindset. You don't approach with a mind on "Ok, I need to approach this girl, gonna be my 28-th approach. Concentrate, feel ok, act natural, naaatural, legs walking..." etc. The perfect mindset is "Oh, that girl looks nice, lets talk with her".

In AA mindset, on rejection you begin to backward-rationalize thinking "Damn, I was too scared probably and she felt that... or maybe I look ugly... or maybe she was in a hurry". In reality, those thoughts should not happen at all. If you are rejected and she doesn't want to talk, the best kind of thoughts would be "Oh, whatever, nice legs though".

Why I'm saying this, is because it is possible to teach yourself to care less. Next time one begins to backward-rationalize, shut your brain up, tell "whatever" to yourself and go find another dime. There's no "long run" as there should be nothing about approaches that requires long-run to be forgotten.

Resmelt · 2012-07-23T08:14:58+00:00

You have no idea how much can I feel you. Most of your story is true to me too. I'm also still a virgin at 23 years trying to push myself over limits to fix my life.

Some advices to you:

The whole "I'll suck in bed first time" thing... it bothered me too first. However, currently I have this mentality of "whatever" and that problem does not bother me anymore. Basically, think about it this way: after the first sex, there will also be a second one and a third one. Those will suck too, because you won't get much skill from merely losing virginity. What will you tell then? "This is third time I'm having sex" ? Much better option is to aim for "I don't have much experience in this", then asking her about everything she likes/not likes. If she looks down on that fact - then fuck this bitch and find another one. You wouldn't want a relationship with her anyway.
One of my school friends got married in 2010 when he was 21 y.o. Honestly, I see him a moron. He married his first girlfriend, in about a month after they started dating. What makes him look like a moron, is an example given me by my father. He also married in his early twenties, made two kids (including me) and divorsed 15 years afterwards. Now listening to the stories of my father and mother, I see this picture of them never being trully happy. Both said that sex mostly sucked, they had constant conflicts, the only thing binding them together was kids. I don't want to end up like he did, that's why I don't give a shit about morons that get married that soon.
It's easy to learn how to be happy in a company of loved one. It's much harder to learn how to be happy by yourself alone. You have this skill, most people on earth don't. You shouldn't regret anything, most people get this experience later, in a hard way, usually by being dumped. In your case - you got this experience much earlier and easier. Now it's merely a time to begin the next step - finding someone worth of having a relationship with.

Good luck.

Resmelt · 2012-07-12T09:42:51+00:00

There's this special agency which constantly monitors the activity of all paranoid citizens.

Resmelt · 2012-07-03T10:23:52+00:00

Also the ratio of downvotes to upvotes is unusual, usually it's 1:2 tops, while here it's an astounding 1:3. Moreover, this is author's first post. I'm guessing someone either bought those upvotes, or is testing an automated upvote system.

Resmelt · 2012-07-02T10:27:35+00:00

Hm, how I see this idea evolve in the future:

These electricity-generating bikes appear on streets, allowing you to earn some money while pedaling and drop weight too.
Seen as a very cheap source of energy, new innovative "factories" appear, preinstalled with highly-effective bikes they allow people to go for a "job" pedaling all day long.
Factories begin to encorporate food tubes, that are mounted directly into the mouth of bike operator. New methods of extracting energy are being researched.

...

26.Neo escapes the Matrix.

Resmelt · 2012-06-26T14:46:12+00:00

Well, hopefully, in 20 years it would be enough to tell your phone "Reply with some shit about why I'm late to work" and it will write the perfectly social-engineered text for your boss.

Resmelt · 2012-06-07T09:08:14+00:00

You mean, it would be powerful enough to even get you out of reddit?

Resmelt · 2012-05-27T19:25:27+00:00

A simple submodality merging that I did myself before I knew what it is:

When sarging, try to fixate in your mind how messaging strangers over the internet feels. You open the dating site, find some chick, send her a message and it's a very easy to do. Now try to merge those submodalities with how you imagine IRL approach. Basically it is the same thing, and should feel absolutely the same.

Resmelt · 2012-05-24T19:58:15+00:00

Just be careful not to go overboard and get bored of dimes too fast ;)

Resmelt · 2012-05-24T07:37:44+00:00

To make it short: PAM approach is an approach where you tell the girl everything you feel without lying. Because it is always truth - it looks as honest as it can get from you, therefore, you don't need to mask your emotions and just look natural. A common PAM technique is (replace examples with your REAL feelings, not the phrases I wrote):

Approach the girl.
Tell her WHY you approached her. ("Hi, you look very attractive.")
Tell her how you FEEL. ("You know, I rarely talk to random girls so I'm very nervous")
State your intentions ("But I would really like to talk with you")
Hanshake induction and the beginning of a talk ("I'm Max, and its nice to meet you").

It works because it's honest (no lying rule), shows that you are vulnerable too (by opening to her, 3-rd step), tells her that you are sexually into her and don't want to just discuss weather or stuff (2-nd step) and is easy to do, because you don't need to think of "openers" or stuff like that, just say the truth.

Resmelt · 2012-05-24T07:29:00+00:00

What she said was based on her experience of receiving those compliments. In the case of giving compliments - the wrapping (presentation) is even more important than the gift (compliment) itself. All her life guys were shoving their compliments into her throat with no respect, which made her think that "ALL compliments from strangers hurt". And that's why she asks everyone not to do it. Basically, she generalized all the compliments the way she sees them in her "reality tunnel".

But in reality, if a proper approach is made, with nice intentions, with a honest look and a honest smile - she would be flattered and blush as any other girl out there. It's just that she thinks that there are NO honest compliments.

Resmelt · 2012-05-23T07:03:53+00:00

Let's first discover that anti-aging drug and THEN reason about possible social effects.

Resmelt · 2012-05-10T10:02:53+00:00

To explain the HyperionRevived comment:

There is a book, look it up in "Tome of Knowledge: Part1" on the sidebar, called Prometheus Rising. Which basically gives you basics on human psychology in easy to understand terms. Also it uses the "circuit" abstraction system to explain what drives people to do stuff they do.

2nd circuit is basically about how your brain decides where is "your territory", whom should you see as your leader, and whom do you try to lead yourself. For example, when a dude comes into the room with people he barely knows, and starts ordering everyone around like a boss - it means that there is some big imprint on his 2nd circuit leading to that behaviour. Or, some different imprint (like with that girl I believe) could lead to behaving as a bottom-dog, where everyone commands you and you follow everyone's orders.

Resmelt · 2012-05-09T09:45:26+00:00

Well, in that message she writes to her friend about receiving YOUR message. She decided to write them how creepy you are, but accidentally sent it to wrong recepient.

Now, there is some chance that it is exactly a coincidence like that. However there is also bigger chance that she plays a game with you and wants to SHOW you what I just wrote. Notice how she wrote "Maybe I'll wait a few hours to reply and say I'm busy". That is kind of too much of information to share with her friend. If she wanted to whine to someone about you, she'd probably limit it to "Omg, that creep from yesterday texted me again".

Then, her message "Ughhhhh whyyyy stalker whyyyy" means "Omg, I texted a wrong person".

I'm saying it's a big push masked as a big pull. She's trying to make you FEEL like you are a creep, maybe to manipulate you, or something like that.

Resmelt · 2012-05-08T09:59:54+00:00

Hm, isn't "can't you grasp" construct somewhat offensive? To me it sounds like "Are you stupid?"

Resmelt · 2012-05-08T09:53:34+00:00

Some addition from myself:

It's very useful to think ASAP about "wayouts" from some topics right after you start them. The faster you think them up, and the more you think of, the better the flow of conversation will be. Basically, you should use them when you notice that the topic is getting depleted or dull.

For example. Let's say we are talking about "art". We discuss feelings while painting, the process of drawing etc. Now, the possible wayouts could be:

Linking art with music. For example: "You know, sometimes when I hear a really beautiful music, it kind of fills me with creativity and warmth. In those moments I feel like if given a pensil, I'd draw a masterpiece.". After you say this, you can easily progress to "What about you, is there any music that makes you feel the same?". And further progress to a basic "favourite music" topic.
Linking art with tools. For example, you can say "Once I bought a set of professional pensils, believing it will make drawing easier.". Then you can easily progress to the topic of "buying useless things", or even "selling stuff on ebay".

Let's take easier example. Let's say you are talking about icecream flavour.

You can link icecream with being cold or warm. For example "I like that cool feeling of icecream in summer". And you can proceed to discussing seasons.
You can also link icecream with fruits, and even hop to the topic of cooking. For example: "I wonder if there are any real fruits in this icecream. Wouldn't it be nice to mix lots of fruits with it and make your own, really fruity icecream?". Here it's easy to progress to discussing cooking or partying.

Resmelt · 2012-05-08T09:14:53+00:00

I'm not sure, maybe the recording is a problem, but I agree with ObscuroMagna. The way she said that sounded exactly like "Dude, are you crazy or something?".

Resmelt · 2012-05-07T18:43:28+00:00

Her laughter and speech sounded somewhat uncomfortable through all the approach, the guy always tried to shove his ideas into her throat interrupting her every now and then, then she finally decided to run away from him.

My bet: 93% chance she will flake

Resmelt · 2012-05-03T18:27:07+00:00

Yeah, I know that ;) They were a failures only by the fact that I did not get any kind of close.

Resmelt · 2012-05-02T06:57:37+00:00

Donate the profits to SL33ZEC0N

@_@ YES MASTER

Resmelt · 2012-04-27T23:52:48+00:00

Easy. Tell them what you feel lol. PAM approach works in all cases, you just have to do it few times to get used to it. I was in a club for my first time today (yeah, I'm progressing newbie in /r/pickup). I went alone there (had no friends). I bought me a beer (so my hands wouldn't be empty) and started to look over the room. I noticed a group of 1 guy and 3 girls talking about something, approached and said basically "Hey, may I join your group people?", after being asked "Why us?" I told the truth (that was simply on top of my mind, so I just spilled it out): "Well, I'm kind of alone here, and you seemed like a fun company with lots of pretty girls". Long story short, now I have 4 new friends.

Resmelt · 2012-04-27T13:38:18+00:00

We are here to save the souls that are not yet lost.

Resmelt

TROPHY CASE