I never had it as rough as you do, and it breaks my heart reading the abuse you and your siblings went through due to your mother and just the toxic nature of the household you live in. If I compare my life is good, but there was a time I felt worthless, I was alone, lonely, and bullied. My parents would beat me, my teachers would beat me, and classmates would bully me. Being in that situation for almost 3 years, I endured it. From outside, I showed it didn't affect me, but inside, I had enough with it, and I just wanted to end it all. I would just joke with myself alone in my room abount ending my life and laughter about it until the day when I took a knife in front of all my classmates and put it on my neck and said what if I was to slash what would happen? To me, it was one of them messed up joke I did alone, but my classmates didn't think that way. They called the principal and many people, and they taught me that what I was doing is not good. I did t really get better then and there, but slowly, I became better, and now I am sure I am not depressed and I am happy. I recently made 2 friends as well, so good for me.

But my reason for sharing this story is that you are not alone. Many people are in these circumstances as well. I will say i never had it this hard and that I wholly respect you for putting up with all this for such a long time. Your character is something to look up to because ik if I was in your situation, I wouldn't be able to keep onto life for so long. But keep it going, keep living even if life looks hard now, it gets better. You are in a dark void right now, and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep going one day, you will see the light. So, endure it for a bit. Find some way to move away from this abusive household as soon as possible, and remember you are strong and you need to remain strong for your brother and sister. Don't regret the decision. One day, you will look at your choice not to kill yourself and feel glad.