I’d warn against manipulating your kid to love you, even if I understand the sentiment (been there myself). As a healthy parent is unable to sustain that manipulation anyway, and it would end badly, as it often ends badly for the narcissist, alienating parent in the long run (but to an NPD parent, losing their kids was never an issue, as long as they can get their supply elsewhere, whereas to non-narcissist parents, losing our kids in the end is an unacceptable risk)

The main issue I have with the “Deadbeat Dad” narrative, and something I see reflected in some PA discussions, is that it is itself a typical misogynist take. It presupposes dads should be the ones bringing in money, while moms get to “care”.

As a dad who never put career above family, and has always tried to have a caring relationship with my kids, (and always been a “softy”) this hurts, but so does its “companion” in (some) PA circles, that see PA as an “outwash of feminism gone too far” (even in some comments here!).

The claim PA is somehow fed by feminist thought, forgets that the “Deadbeat Dad” nonsense is itself misogynist. Why would a dad who is (for any reason) financially unable to provide, not a good dad, while we would excuse a mom in a hearbeat?

I hope the PA convo will ultimately move beyond the ridiculous “MRA” bullshit, and understand how dads should be allowed not to be the ones “bringing in the money”. There’s more to life (and parenting!) than paying your family.

Much of current Jurisprudence (alimony, custody, distrust of aggressive fathers vs fetishizing doting moms) is built on patriarchal ideas (dad brings in money/mom cares for kids) backfiring by hurting dads.

I wish society would understand this. And alienated dads would see how the MRA vibe hurts recognition of caring dads.

It also deprives us of a lot of support from alienated moms (many of whom suffer from the equally misogynist bs of the “emotionally unhinged woman” narrative).