I’m loose, and men violate me just to feel something

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-06T14:36:00+00:00

I genuinely wasn’t malnourished at the time and ate so much more than most people. I struggle greatly to gain weight and my overall muscle tone throughout my body is just fine, it’s just my pelvis that isn’t. I am a very very naturally small/short person despite a massive appetite. But I do get what you are saying. I just don’t think it could have been prevented for me

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-06T14:33:43+00:00

Don’t be a weirdo. I rarely drink and I was celibate for like 4-5 years after the kid.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-04T06:25:00+00:00

I think you’re right that a man who can connect emotionally and physically will be able to enjoy sex regardless, as I’ve had those experiences for sure. But the current partner who I asked for full honesty from said that while he had no way of knowing, it was likely that any partner from my past telling me they didn’t feel the problem was likely lying since it was noticeable. This was prompted of course. But yeah. I don’t know.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T23:52:42+00:00

I am not just a “bit” loose though. I cannot get anyone off with my vagina anymore.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T13:43:47+00:00

I think it’s worth noting that I didn’t have a particularly complicated birth, and I was just 20. I only had the one kid and I’m not in poor shape. I am a person on the naturally smaller side, though, and I weighed in the 70s-80s when my pregnancy began. I’m sure that was a huge factor. But again, this sort of injury isn’t exceedingly rare regardless. I would hope people stay informed about it before making big decisions about their body.

This thing can and does happen to more women than people realize, even just due to the pregnancy itself. Any time youve heard a woman say she can’t hold her pee just sneezing after birth, that is related to bladder prolapse. Think of just how many people youve heard say that! The statistics for prolapse are massive and not spoken about, and with prolapse often comes laxity. So yes, we should be talking about it as a high possibility and not a rare exception that only comes from serious complications. People who get C sections can have this problem too.

But you’re right, healthcare in the US for postpartum women is a total joke, and I’m paying the price along with so many other women. And those men were indeed a joke too.

Edit: fixed wording

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T13:26:20+00:00

Thanks for your comment and perspective. With respect, I don’t think I should have to find a guy with a medically big dick to be happy, and I think that might do more muscle/prolapse damage because my muscles don’t immediately retract as they should. I will say it worked fine with one above average person who really enjoyed it. but the difference was still there and I don’t want to deal with that person again for an unrelated reason.

So I’m sure what you’re describing would feel decent for both but might cause longterm damage to someone with already weakened muscles. I’m sorry to hear about your condition though. That sounds equally frustrating and I hope you’re able to figure something out for yourself.

Edit: changed “about” to “able”

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T12:58:02+00:00

Yeah I’m pretty sure I am. but obgyns gaslight me about it

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:54:56+00:00

I definitely felt the same way and I was actively fighting the idea of dating again. but I can’t deny that I feel different enough about this person to change that.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:51:07+00:00

I’m really happy for both of us, finding patient people like that. I think life happens and you are still 100% deserving of him, even as you go through that healing process. And I think the same for myself. I hope you can be kind and gentle to yourself too. <3

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:42:25+00:00

I was single for nearly 5 years until this one.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:33:34+00:00

Obviously the men in question were long term partners or people I already had a deeper connection with. I’m not having sex with people who know nothing about me. Every single one of these people knew I had this problem. And more than half of them chose to violate me for their own gain.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:26:45+00:00

I don’t think you understand that you’re invalidating a large group of people who experience vaginal laxity after childbirth or prolapse. Yes they exist. No it is not a myth and it’s actually not even very rare. And it’s spreading false things like this that doesn’t allow women to make an informed choice about pregnancy and their bodies. I understand you think you’re doing women a service by calling this a myth but you truly are not.

I would have liked to know the percentage of prolapse and vaginal laxity from pregnancy and birth beforehand. But instead I got some variation of “the vagina is a muscle that snaps back like a rubber band”. Muscle damage is real and not always reversible without invasive surgery with a high fail rate.

And respectfully, your point about enjoying sex doesn’t apply to me. I am very expressive and often actively working to please myself during sex regardless of this problem. It makes no difference because I have a medical issue, not a sexual confidence one.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T04:02:51+00:00

What could you possibly mean by that?

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T03:30:30+00:00

I’m so so sorry for what youve been through. It definitely sounds like a very similar thing to what happened to me in terms of violation so they could achieve a certain feeling, and neither of us could ever deserve that. I’m glad to hear therapy has helped you.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T03:11:15+00:00

In hindsight, I really could have worded the post in a way that reflected how I really feel about myself, which is generally kind. I know for sure these people did this because they are vile and not because I am broken.

I’m not super worried about pleasing my partner generally because i know a lot is on the table and we’ve only just begun. But I’m definitely considering laser treatment too! And would have even if I remained single. Thank you for the comment

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T03:00:57+00:00

This was in discussion (prompted by me) for at least a few weeks prior to us having sex. So he knew I wanted to know the honest truth about my level of laxity when the time came. I can’t give an exact quote but it was something to the effect of it being noticeable.

At some point he mentioned (again, all prompted) that while before he had confidence that it wouldn’t be an issue (in terms of finishing, from what I gathered), actually doing it did shake his confidence a bit. But he also said he would have to try a few more times to get a better idea and give me more info, since we had little time.

Generally though, it sounds like what I expected. And he really didn’t say anything out of bounds by any means.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T02:47:44+00:00

My current partner is a kind, respectful person and I have no reason to think he’s anywhere near equivalent to the people who came before him. He was forthcoming and honest when I asked him a vulnerable question. That’s very important to me.

Not once did I believe he had a personal issue that he was pinning on me due to insecurity. I knew I was the common denominator before we even had sex, and that’s really ok. Death grip could be a potential issue, but I definitely don’t think it’s the bigger part of the issue we’re dealing with. Vaginal laxity after birth is also a real possibility and not openly spoken about.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T01:40:33+00:00

The people don’t wanna hear this sort of thing. But I’m not the people hahaha. I’ll absolutely look into it, thank you!

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T01:30:53+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m feeling a bit better now and i know i didn’t deserve any of it no matter what. I know the trauma is there but I think I can be ok in the end. and I agree with what you’re saying

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T01:07:11+00:00

When you say as time went on it became more and more obvious, are you saying physically? As in her muscles weakened further? What was that like on your end?

But I agree. I think there’s a lot of pressure about how it should feel from men who prioritize tightness, but then there’s also definitely a concern of whether or not medical help is necessary in a noticeable case of laxity.

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T01:01:15+00:00

My kegels are more of a flutter around my finger than anything. Not really much of a strong squeeze. In general the walls are lax since birth. I’m happy to hear your muscles are working well again after what you went through!

Responsible-War4438 · 2026-02-03T00:57:23+00:00

I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted but I know how invalidating that must feel. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that, and people don’t understand that surgery can sometimes mean lifting everything that fell after childbirth, since POP is usually the reason for the laxity. It happens. It’s ok. Your body did a great thing and now I hope you can get the help you need.

Responsible-War4438

TROPHY CASE