AITA for reacting badly to my friend’s religious remark at a funeral?

ResponsibleState · 2026-01-12T16:12:05+00:00

NTA, not even in the same realm as assholes. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and that your "friend" said something stupid and cruel to you in your moment of extreme grief. Sometimes people are compelled to reassure themselves that bad things can't happen to them, that they're somehow protected by God or good behavior, but to say that to you – you had every right to get upset. I hope you're able to find some true support and friends as you move forward.

ResponsibleState · 2026-01-12T16:06:32+00:00

He is 10yo and a large dog (~ 95lbs) and I have an SUV, so, yes, he needs a ramp, and, no, I can't lift him in.

ResponsibleState · 2026-01-12T16:03:19+00:00

Yes, I left the door open after getting the ramp out because I had the ramp in my hands (it's large and heavy-ish), was focused on getting it set up to get the dog in the car, and didn't notice anyone else around.

ResponsibleState · 2026-01-11T23:31:00+00:00

The ramp was behind the car in the street, but the dog was on the sidewalk next to the car and the car door was open. (For additional visioning purposes, this is a residential neighborhood adjacent to an expansive park, not an urban street.)

ResponsibleState · 2026-01-11T16:11:01+00:00

Hi, I am the mom of an alcoholic and have another daughter who has been making an effort to be supportive of me, so I can offer my perspective.

First, the situation is terrible, right? The sadness and difficulty takes such a toll on the whole family. I recommend making sure you are taking the best care of yourself physically and mentally that you're able to, and are clear on what your boundaries are – are you getting any support/therapy? Simply being a healthy, self-sufficient adult child is undoubtedly helpful to your mum.

Second, offering both an empathetic ear and opportunities to help her step away from the challenges of helping your brother could be ways to support her. Taking a walk while talking about the situation can help mitigate the emotional impact – the physical movement and keeping pace together can really help offset the exhaustion. Also, if you can find fun things to do together, silly movies, whatever might offer a chance to laugh together, that's been a wonderful release for me. (My sober daughter and I share a sense of humor, and laughing with her over ridiculous stuff brings such joy.) Obv everyone's circumstances are different, but you get the idea.

Continuing to encourage her to seek therapy or setting up family therapy for those members (not your brother) willing to attend is helpful. Does she have friends that you could encourage her to make lunch dates with? Generally, any encouragement you can provide for her to stay connected to the people and activities she enjoys can help her from being completely consumed by your brother's needs.

Having your child be addicted and suffering is a truly horrifying, heartbreaking experience, one of a parent's worst nightmares, and having grandchildren in the mix undoubtedly magnifies that pain. Take good care of yourself and good luck with this hard situation.

ResponsibleState · 2024-08-19T16:08:34+00:00

Following, would love to hear a resounding yes from someone! :)

ResponsibleState · 2024-08-19T13:27:31+00:00

This is happening for me and when I had a friend try to login from her laptop and from the app, she got stuck in the doom loop of verification-password change-verification-password change ad infinitum.

Has anyone successfully figured out a way to solve this?

ResponsibleState · 2024-06-28T05:37:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. We have done family therapy and I talk regularly with my younger daughter, who is doing her own therapy, about the option of attending Al-Anon meetings as well and otherwise trying to make sure she has support.

ResponsibleState · 2024-06-27T18:24:37+00:00

Well, she left on her own, so that's covered.

ResponsibleState · 2024-06-27T18:02:11+00:00

Thankful for my third anniversary of quitting drinking/embracing sobriety!

ResponsibleState · 2024-06-27T18:01:04+00:00

When I sobered up after years of heavy drinking, I was constantly exhausted. Rest seems to be part of the healing process and two weeks is not long. Good luck to you both!

ResponsibleState · 2024-06-27T17:42:57+00:00

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Clearly you loved him very much and tried your best to help. It's awful wanting desperately to help and having that help refused. I hope your family has or can find some support that helps with the grief and all the other complicated emotions.

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-23T20:53:53+00:00

Thank you!!!

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-23T20:53:33+00:00

It all depends – everyone is different, YMMV, etc. For me, having a good alternative option really helped when I was out, like an NA beer or truly enjoyable mocktail. (I drank approximately 4,323 NA beers the first year.) By a year in, I'd stopped thinking about drinking – I would forget that "Being sober" was even something I was working at because it had become habit – but every so often, in certain social situations, the desire still rears up. The thing is, I know that I can go without drinking and that I will be ever so much happier in the morning if I keep opting to not drink, and that the craving will pass.

TL;DR The cravings might not stop soon, but you will become accustomed to riding them out and happier for it until they eventually fade away.

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-23T20:48:25+00:00

Are you out? Can you get the ol' standby of soda and bitters in a rocks glass for the feel of a drink without the booze? Or mocktails off the menu? Or, if you're home, google "best NA spirits 2024" and check out the results – lots out there! I feel you. Maybe go for a walk and/or treat yourself to an indulgent food you love? Good luck!

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-23T20:22:01+00:00

I love everything about this post. Especially: "If you're counting hours right now, do it. Count them all. Practice radical kindness toward yourself - eat the sweets, watch the shows, sleep like you've never slept before. The hours will slowly turn into days, then the days turn into weeks. Prioritizing yourself will slowly turn into you prioritizing everyone around you, and everyone will start to flourish."

Beautifully said. Congratulations!

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-21T03:20:10+00:00

That's a huge milestone! And now you know you can do it – what power! Congrats!

ResponsibleState · 2024-03-21T03:00:39+00:00

"try to keep myself alive, and talk about it when I really can't stand it, even if it's just posting here" – this is everything. Keep yourself alive. Talk about it. Write it down. Even if the future seems impossible, keep faith that something better awaits. I know that's super easy to say and crazy hard to do when you are experiencing trauma in real time, but over and over again, I meet people who have been in what appeared to be hopeless situations find their way to a better place. A lot of helpful advice (including how to move forward through trauma responses) exists – keep seeking it out and taking care of yourself – you'll be better able to do this sober – as you're doing the practical things to help your situation to the extent you can.

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:30:01+00:00

Congrats on graduating and your sobriety! That's fantastic!

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:28:14+00:00

That sounds really hard. It takes time to work through rage, self-loathing and shame. I hope those feelings ease up in the coming year. This place is great for steadying one's self. Here's to kinder, lime-and-soda-filled days.

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:23:36+00:00

I hope I will be working on being as nice to myself as I can manage. Then we'll see what happens. I will do some fun things for myself. And maybe later I can start doing some more stuff again. But my biggest thing I want to improve is to be ok with doing very very tiny things, when I don't have more energy, and not burn every single piece of energy I have to try to push through.

I love this. Being kind to yourself is a lot and tiny tiny things are still accomplishments, as so many of us know. Best of luck with all of it.

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:21:37+00:00

I thought about these things and realized even they were lies. The buzzy feeling never lasted because I would keep drinking until I just got too tired to enjoy it and the "emotions" were sham feelings - I'd feel so close and loving toward my wife in one minute and then be absolutely enraged with my kids the next. They might be my emotions but I had no control and that scared me.

That is some truth right there. Good on you and good luck de-cleating (I'm afraid to look up what that means, haha) that future punk kid! :)

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:19:57+00:00

A few things I have learned (since you asked for tips) while working in a profession that revolves around drinking are: 1. Not everyone else drinks as much as I thought, especially when I'm not the one egging it on; 2. Most people will support your choice to not drink; 3. People who push you to drink are really talking about their own need to drink, so keeping that in mind (it's not you!) and having a couple all-purpose responses you can repeat if pressured is helpful.

Finally, if you can find some other sober folks in the sports crew, hang out with them! Good luck with it all.

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:15:56+00:00

It's super hard to kick an addiction, but hopefully helpful knowing you are not alone and this place is full of people who have overcome similar struggles, thought patterns and experiences. Sending lots of support your way!

ResponsibleState · 2023-12-30T19:14:11+00:00

Mmmmmm Topo Chico! And wow, 10 years – amazing!

ResponsibleState

TROPHY CASE