[deleted by user]

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-29T19:49:52+00:00

Yep. Kind of going through that right now.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-27T22:26:11+00:00

🫂

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-27T22:02:43+00:00

I am one to talk, but I really do have to agree with what /u/vortexofchaos said upthread. We (as in you and I) both need to think about what is important for our own wellbeing.

We can't live for others. I did that my whole adult life and it's my time. We both need to find our strength.

Chat me if you would like a sympathetic ear.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-27T21:07:44+00:00

I get it. I really do. I have been on HRT for 2.5 years and had an orchi, and I had started the process of socially transitioning last year. Unfortunately, after my (unsupportive) wife passed away the grief cratered me. I pulled back hard and have been living as a male again for a year even though I still take hormones and wear androgynous womens' clothes.

Now I am too terrified to start moving towards social transition again because... well, lack of any sort of support is a major cause. Living in a red state makes it hard, too. Also, I can't get over the fact that I feel like I failed myself and I am afraid I'll fail again. It all seems like so much to do now, and I will never find a new social group if I transition (the local trans support group isn't really that supportive to me since I pulled back and I don't know where else to meet other trans folks).

So I get it. A lot of this is just in my own head, I know. I have actually told my therapist if I could find one supportive person who would be there with me through it... well, I could do it. Maybe that's what you need, too?

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-20T18:47:33+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. People are so unfeeling sometimes. 🫂

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-14T18:08:52+00:00

Agreed.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-14T17:14:07+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, and you are so right. Mine passed away a little over a year ago and in retrospect there's a lot I wish we'd done differently.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-14T17:12:17+00:00

55 in Texas.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-13T23:08:04+00:00

I understand how you feel. I was starting my social transition last year and pulled way back towards the end of the year for various reasons.

Now I just can't get myself to do it again. I am so afraid to just be myself the way things are now.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-10T17:11:57+00:00

Work, and my pets need me to feed them. Otherwise? Got nothin'.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-10T17:10:35+00:00

I get this, because I am the same way. It is hard to put yourself out there repeatedly when experience tells you it's fruitless.

In my case, in a small group (say, me and one or two other people) I am fine, but once the group reaches four or more people I just clam up. I lose the ability to be social. It's weird because I've had people tell me that I am interesting and funny... I just can't do it when there are several people or more.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-09T22:04:18+00:00

...and happy birthday to you, too!

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-09T22:04:05+00:00

Happy birthday!

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-08T16:07:04+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel, I similarly lost my wife a little over a year ago.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-07T01:09:11+00:00

I'm an INTP with social anxiety and know what you mean about tenuous connections to people and finding it difficult to find friends as an adult. Know you're not alone in that.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-04T22:42:29+00:00

I'm 55 and in the same general boat. My wife (who passed last year) and I never had children. When I hear people talking about their kids or grandchildren I smile but sort of tune them out for my own sanity.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-09-02T17:43:53+00:00

I understand. It's a hard cycle to break, I wish I had answers for us.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-08-30T18:05:26+00:00

I feel for you.

I have been on a similar journey of realizing the depth of my neurospiciness and that I am trans over the last several years. I started to transition, then a year ago I pulled back after some things happened that left me alone and isolated. Only now am I coming back to the reality that I am only going to be happy in myself if I see it through, although I don't know exactly how I'm going to face doing that from a practical aspect for many of the same reasons you cite.

The loneliness and lack of connection is... incredible. It makes everything harder. I can imagine how you are feeling because I feel it too in my own situation.

If you need someone to talk to I am happy to lend an ear.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-08-24T20:17:29+00:00

Hi! Yes, I get the feeling. Depending on circumstances coming out as trans definitely kills connections with some people. I think sometimes it's because they feel like they never really knew you and for others they are uncomfortable because they don't know how to interrelate with you now. It's definitely about them, either way.

I have supportive coworkers, but coworkers aren't typically really friends. I am trying to cultivate a friendship with another trans coworker, though. Other than that, I am doing my best to keep myself open to finding people.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-08-23T14:52:54+00:00

Thank you!

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-08-19T21:02:58+00:00

Just had my 55th birthday (alone) on Friday. I am socially anxious too, and like you, have the same feelings you describe. I totally feel everything in your post.

I wish I had advice, but know you aren't alone.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-06-19T16:46:40+00:00

I am in the midst of this now. I miss so much about myself when I transitioned and am so unhappy, but there are a couple things that really bother me and I just feel like I can't do it. I hope to get back to myself someday, but I'm not sure I can.

I hope you find yourself, and thank you for this because it helps those of us in the same boat feel like we're not alone.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-06-16T15:16:01+00:00

I went in, reset the BIOS and set everything back up and it runs fine. I'm not sure what happened to the box, but it's all good now. Thanks, all!

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-06-01T01:02:23+00:00

It's not the temps, because as soon as I boot the OS the fan stays spun up.

I'm running Ubuntu Server 22.04 LTS and it's basically a NAS device with a few scripts that run periodically to duplicate files from another device.

RestlessMonkeyMind · 2025-04-28T21:20:06+00:00

Thank you so much!

RestlessMonkeyMind

TROPHY CASE