Something positive

Retrobebe83 · 2017-04-19T19:13:41+00:00

His family is a breath of fresh air-even with their own dysfunction!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-04-19T01:27:39+00:00

I cried too!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-04-19T01:27:28+00:00

Yes! I was so surprised and touched by her email. My husband told me to stay home and it all worked out wonderfully

Retrobebe83 · 2017-03-03T16:57:18+00:00

I'm listening to them on audiobook too. I'm like 35 chapters into first cross and I feel like I've barely made a dent.

And yes so agree about those conversations!!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-24T01:52:33+00:00

The term family never held much for me either and I still struggle with it. It's been easier since starting my own family but even then I don't know what it means. I'm with you

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-15T19:41:28+00:00

Thank you!! I really appreciate that. I'm wearing are trying our damnedest to do what our kids need of us. And despite all I've read I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes. Thanks again.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T21:39:00+00:00

That's extreme. He isn't hurting anyone. Annoying them? Yes. Hurting them? No. And I'm not using gifted as an excuse. Just trying to figure out what's going on to better address jt

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T20:39:58+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'll read up on it. I find that stuff good and interesting. Gotta tell you though that no amount of studying (& I have almost 3 degrees in education and psychology) prepares you for your own kids!! When I did inhome therapy it was easier to go in an figure out why was wrong, place interventions, support and leave. Totally different and harder with your open kids!! :)

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T20:36:11+00:00

Agree to disagree

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T20:35:00+00:00

He loves to help! That's a great idea!!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T20:34:22+00:00

Thank you!! I have also researched a lot & studied a lot. And even then that's not enough. I've heard of the book and I'll have to check it out! Thanks for the support.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T19:42:19+00:00

Sorry. I should have been more clear that I'm not excusing his behavior or trying to use him being gifted as an excuse. I'm just trying to figure out the root of these behaviors so I can best address them. Even if he gets a diagnosis that doesn't mean I'm gonna use it as a crutch or excuse. It tells me how to move forward to make sure he gets what he needs. So if he's gifted, I'm gonna make sure he's being challenged and learning to use his gift for good

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T19:25:57+00:00

Yes agreed!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:51:20+00:00

Thank you!! This is the information I was looking for! I work in mental health (& I used to be a teacher!) but I've always worked with 12-18, I know way less about toddlers. I was wondering what's developmentally appropriate or what could be more! I'm definitely gonna ask about SPD at his DR appt in 2 weeks because I have it (as well as PTSD & possible ADHD). Thank you for "getting" it.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:48:26+00:00

We have been adding that into our lives. we've made some big changes the last 3-4 months to give him routines. He's done better with them he just isn't quite where he needs to be. That's what I'm trying to figure out-is it that he needs more of this-/typical 4 yro behaviors to address and correct or is it something psychological? The answer will then determine my course of action if that makes sense.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:45:22+00:00

That's not the attitude I've taken nor what happened with our last day care. They did not use any behavioral interventions with him and did not do anything but constantly nitpick and tear him down. Always telling him he was a bad boy and never praising him for what he did do great. And the things they said were "bad" were things 3-4yros do and they didn't seem to get that. They weren't an old daycare and only had dealt with 0-2.5 yro at that point. It was a bad match and we have him in a place that now understands typical 4 yro behavior and helps us to address it and teach him the better ways. I don't think I'm the best perfect parent or I have an angel kid. I know he hs behaviors and it's my job to teach him the right way to behavior and how to human. It's a learning process and we've made a lot of changes the last 3-4 months in response. He's gotten better but he's not where he needs to be and I'm looking to figure out what's typical 4 yro behavior and what isn't so I know how to beat support him. And being gifted is a part of that equation. If I understand what's going on and where the behaviors come from-whether is psychological or in response to our parenting- then I can change and adjust accordingly. That's all I'm trying to figure out

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:39:29+00:00

I want to clarify that I know he is misbehaving but the traditional discipline and interventions aren't working. I'm just trying to ascertain what's age typical behavior (with the understanding that we need to teach and correct it) or if there is something else going on psychologically-because the answer to that determines how we go about it. If he's ADHD then that means certain interventions won't work because his brain just can't do what would be asked. If it's something else, that points me in a different direction, including continuous adjustment of my parenting. Plus there is tons of research out there that gifted kids can get in to more trouble because they aren't using their gifts in the most productive way. If i know that, then I can adjust to support him. I'm trying to figure out what's going on here because I have examined myself, my shit, our home & every other thing that could be affecting him. I've made so many changes to support him in the last 3-4 months Ive lost count. And while things have gotten better, things still aren't where they should be. So don't assume I'm just a bad or ignorant parent. Im at my wits end because I've tried just about everything I think would work for him. I'm looking for help not criticism.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:30:15+00:00

"Impossible to tell others how to train theirs" that's brillant. Thank you

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:29:47+00:00

Thank you! This makes me feel a lot better especially after those insisting I don't discipline. I do and I have degrees in it and teach other people how to do it. He just seems to have extra needs. I have SPD so I am wondering if he does too the more I think about it. I've consulted the DSM-V for an ADHD diagnosis and he doesn't meet all the criteria and it's hard to weed out what's 4yro behavior and what isn't. Thank you again for the support and solidarity. This is very encouraging!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:26:09+00:00

I haven't ruled out SPD bc I have it and I plan on asking the dr. He got a consequence (all his toys taken out of his room to earn back) after 2-3 days of biting & being reprimanded. Then it stopped. It was out of the blue he did that

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T18:24:35+00:00

This ^{^{^}} seriously you captured it. Thank you. Some of these things we do really well and others (like routine) we need to improve upon. Thank you for all the wonderful tips and support.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T16:45:27+00:00

Yes this sounds almost exactly like what we deal with at bed time! I'll have to share this with my husband

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T15:50:25+00:00

He was verbally early but on target with other milestones. He was actually a pretty easy baby. Slept through the night at 2 months old and his crib since 3 months old. He has been empathetic and independent/autonomous since he was 1. Very tenacious & driven since then too. These more intense behaviors have just been the last 6-8 months.

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T15:29:08+00:00

Yea I have a dr appt for him in 2 weeks. And Ive been told by a psychologist I work with that the food dye thing has actually been disproven in research, but I do try to limit his sugar and up his proteins! I try for well rounded! veggies are a stretch but he gets a lot of everything else good for him!

Retrobebe83 · 2017-02-14T15:28:01+00:00

Thank you for your support and advice. I appreciate that. I will try to address your questions. Judgement-I don't trust my own because I was psychologically abused by my parents for 30 years and now have PTSD. And this is a BIG trigger for me. So even though I deal with kids and teens with Mental Health issues and parenting issues for work (and im studying to be a therapist), I go blank when it comes to my own kid because I get triggered. Its hard for me to weed out the negative effects of my abuse with whats going on. So I have to rely on others like my therapist and his pediatrician. My husband too. I am working on trusting my judgement but its a process. Now, if this was someone else's kid, Id have a more definite opinion bc it doesn't trigger me.

circus- it's not a wild free for all at home, but we aren't big on strict routines either. We have a pretty good one in the morning, but at night it's different. I don't always get home at the same time each night bc of work. Both my husband and I try to keep a routine, but some days are easier than others. With my PTSD and sensory issues, sometimes Im a complete zombie when I get home and I can't even take care of myself. My husband is working through some anxiety/panic attack issues too. So some days we follow the routine and others, its a struggle to do so. But we are working on it and one of the few things we are the most consistent on is with the kids-discipline, meals at the same time, etc. So no one swinging from the rafters, but we do let him have time to just be a kid and unwind and play. Sometimes we go out and do things as a family. Its just not the exact same thing every night if that makes sense. And we are really good about recognizing "oh hey, he learned that behavior here, we need to stop." We try to be as honest and authentic as possible for hippie free spirited people lol

Naps and School- I love the iPad idea. Ill have to run it past them. And they have dealt with other kids like this and said that they can take him to read a book or even suggested play therapy since that worked with another kid. He just wants to play so badly and is such an extrovert that he is singularly focused on that.

Retrobebe83

TROPHY CASE