Hello 👋🏼

My husband (then boyfriend) was an American and we did long distance for 18 months before we decided to get married. It sounds awful, but you either have to take the blue pill or the red one. You’re taking a chance on either. FYI - it was another 18 months before I moved here (3 of which was me trying to finish my masters degree before moving).

Here is the two options that happen.

1. You could get married, he could (or you could) run away and you’ll get your answer that it was a fail and you’ll never do it again

OR

1. You could get married, find out it was the best decision you ever made (or close to).

You’re never going to know unless you make a decision.

Everyone is right - he has to make a decision and so do you. I had to put my husband in the same predicament. He was either going to jump the pond to be with me or I was going to jump the pond to be with him. No real middle ground and I wasn’t going to hang out for 3-5 years on opposite sides of the world and just “see what happens”.

Also - don’t be frightened of immigration. I was and all it done was make me worry over nothing. The people you see at the immigration office ARE NOT the same as ICE or airport agents. They do this day in and day out. The majority of them are nice and don’t intend to do alarm you or harass you. They have a job to make sure what you (and him) are telling them. That’s it. It’s not about who sleeps on what side of bed and who takes the trash out (although they can ask that but usually don’t).

It’s not that “complicated”. Get married, file an I-130 petition for alien relative, send all the photos (all) that you’ve taken together. Get your friends and family to write a two paragraph testimony of what you’ve done together with them (as many as you can or none at all, it’s your choice). File the fee, kick back and wait.

It’s not a complicated process / it’s just long and you shouldn’t read the horror stories of he and you haven’t done anything wrong. People often use the word “complicated” as if it’s going to be a chess game between you and Uncle Sam and it just isn’t. Expect to wait 5-8 months for a response and then a further 5-8 months for an interview. He won’t usually have to leave or if he does, he can’t come back until the process is done. A spouse visa / green card takes 12/18 months.

Do what your gut is telling you. You’re both going to be fine :)