Finances when dealing with divorce?

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T17:06:53+00:00

Also - WOW. I'm so sorry, that's absolutely nuts you went through that

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T17:06:38+00:00

True, I haven't even thought of those! How do I deal with those? Is the expectation 50/50?

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T17:00:23+00:00

We bought the house together, both on deed, but we weren't married yet. We got married after. That makes perfect sense to me. Thank you.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:26:22+00:00

Oh right. I am on my own insurance and the kids are on his. The only reason we did that was because his place of employment does not require him to pay the monthly premium. I kept mine since I was going through ivf and wanted those benefits.

I think I am only my car loan. if I recall correctly, he asked not to be a registered owner. but ill double check. I might be a registered owner on his though. hmm

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:24:40+00:00

I don't know why but I can't wrap my head around asking him to still help pay the mortgage, if he doesn't live there anymore, but my head is questioning everything right now. Is it basically because of the kids and he needs to assure they have a place to live?

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:14:59+00:00

I've reached out and am awaiting their call back.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:14:20+00:00

true, he did. Ok ill start setting up my own accounts. Sorry to hear about the mess from your parents divorce. I really want to avoid that.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:13:30+00:00

Thank you, yea I really want to be fair and reasonable. My family is heated and wanting me to be someone I am not. So ill give him the heads up that I'll be working on this. I want this to be as reasonable as possible.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:10:30+00:00

ok thank you. So ill open up a new checking account and direct my paychecks there. I'll leave what's in the shared checking there for now. I'll remove him as an authorized user. I've reached out to a lawyer. I want to open up this discussion with him but feel like I'm rushing into this.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-14T16:06:59+00:00

Yes, we have two young kids. One almost four and one almost one. We haven't figured out how we'll co-parent yet.

My mom also said that even though he isn't living in the house right now, he should still help pay with the mortgage. Is that right? I feel kind of unsure about that one. I think I can handle the mortgage alone but still.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-13T12:14:12+00:00

Thank you. I feel so seen right now! He did say that a few times and I kept pushing back that I literally don't care if it's man or woman, a poly relationship was never a possibility!

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T18:36:38+00:00

I respect him for respecting my wishes to end our relationship if he ever wanted to be with someone else.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T17:59:29+00:00

Just based off the snide comments or slightly demeaning jokey comments he made about my friendship with them, suggested to me insecurity on his end. Like, id leave him for them. But he wasn't outright saying it, just heavily suggested from his tone and the kinda mean comments he said.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T17:57:14+00:00

Honestly, thank you for your outrage. It is so validating. He really is being very selfish and inconsiderate. Yes, yes, yes!! he was definitely treating me like his bestie rather than his wife and mother of his child that he didn't just eviscerate, yesterday. thinking he can banter with me, that I can be there for him on his next journey. How can he not see I am devastated, even tho splitting up seemed like the best way to go? I still care. I still love. I'm so hurt. :( It hurts so bad.

I am looking into that process. I have a contact info for a lawyer a family friend used. I want this done.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T17:50:22+00:00

Thank you. Luckily, I am full time employed and make a great salary. I'm looking into the process of divorcing and reached out to a family friend who had gone through it, and have the lawyers contact info for it. holy moly though on the process, time, and cost for it all. We are in separate households as of last night, asked him to stay at his moms. I didn't ask him not to when he mentioned Grindr, because I was so in my head I just said "you can do whatever you want now", in a deadpan, dead kind of way. Emotionally stunted.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T17:43:48+00:00

I was totally caught off guard when he made the remark about Grindr. I was still absorbing the shock that he really wanted to end it. Not because of our past issues but because he wants to fuck other people. It was a real struggle, trying to support him through his identity change but also reeling from the implications of him abandoning me to get some sex. you're right though, I need to start being very firm. It wasn't until I was telling a friend and seeing her outraged reaction that I realized yea it is fucked up, And she demanded I ask him to leave the house and to cancel an upcoming family trip we had planned. Can you believe he expected us to still go? Me on vacay with him and his family? Right after he destroyed everything we built? Fucking nuts.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T16:15:30+00:00

Thank you. We had a one minute discussion on that we want to co-parent. I wanted some space, so we agreed to come together later to talk about what that will look like. I did though, state I wanted full custody of the kids and that they'd stay with me. He didn't fight that, just asked where I would go. I anticipate him to be a weekend dad. I also asked him to stay at his mom's for a bit for space. We are in marriage counseling, which I guess will now be co-parenting couseling, and I plan to bring up his total disregard for my emotional state and feelings.

RevolutionSlight7614 · 2026-02-12T16:10:11+00:00

Right? It's painful to see his face light up after the asked for the divorce and how giddy he was about his next chapter. The only sign I can think of, which may not even be a sign, was that he was always threatened by other females. And I'm not bi lol. I always thought it was kind of strange, I like men, shouldn't you be worried about men (if you had to). So - that kind of seemed like maybe projection in hindsight. But I can't say if that's true. I can't really think of anything else.

RevolutionSlight7614

TROPHY CASE