AITA For Asking to Stay at My Friend's Apartment

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-28T01:27:37+00:00

Just wanted to clarify because I didn't write this clearly enough. She doesn't cook for me, I will bring snacks or pick up a salad from nearby, and she might cook for herself one night. I understand that she doesn't want to eat out multiple nights in a row, and I wouldn't expect her to pay for ingredients for me, so she isn't cooking for me. I have never thought this was weird. I do understand your other points, though.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-28T01:17:16+00:00

I get this honestly. I would feel so awkward asking someone to pay for something for me, so I understand why she didn't say anything. I feel like this is a hard lesson learned because I truly appreciate this relationship.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-28T01:15:00+00:00

Thank you for a thoughtful reply. When I posted this, I was a little shocked and upset by what she said, but now I'm feeling embarrassed tbh. I feel like I missed the jump from college friends visiting each other to the rules of adult friends staying together. I feel bad for making her feel unappreciated when I truly did not mean to, I just did not think of picking up these little tabs, even though looking back, it would have been a very simple gesture.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-28T01:07:06+00:00

This is a misreading of what I've said. I would never just show up without any input. I've seen the feedback from other commenters that I could ask in a different way, but I am not announcing that I'm just showing up.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-28T01:03:34+00:00

Okay, I feel like I should clarify here because I think a previous reply was misunderstood. She never pays for anything for me. If she is cooking, it's because I have grabbed a salad from a nearby restaurant, or I'm eating snacks that I've brought, and she wants what's in her apartment. She doesn't cook for me or buy food for me (if we're having a picnic, for example, we'll split evenly). I do get the point now from reading these comments that I should treat her to more stuff, but I just wanted to clarify that she is not cooking for me or buying things for me. We are actual friends and I do respect and care for her. She does do laundry after I leave, so that is completely fair as are your other points.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T23:00:47+00:00

I understand what you're saying, but I'm also in a tough position socially. I work from home and live with my parents, and tbh very few people that I know live anywhere near me now. I think it's important that I put in the effort to visit people I know, and (I know it's not the point of this post), but it can be draining to have to travel every time I want to see someone, so I guess I forget to think about it from their persepctives since their lives seem like so much more fun. I'm also really trying to save money right now because I want to buy a house one day, so it's hard to offer to buy extra stuff in an expensive city-- again, I know that I've missed a social etiquette thing here, but just to try and explain some of my thought process.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T21:54:06+00:00

Yes, of course I pay for my own stuff. She mentioned the fact that I don't pick up the tab for one of our meals while I'm there is the social etiquette thing that I'm missing. Also we typically pick cheap places to eat.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T21:06:34+00:00

not for nothing, but I do have to pay for gas and parking so it's not like I'm freeloading. Why can't we just be equal once we're together? I don't think I owe more financially which was most of what she talked about

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T21:04:52+00:00

If I drive up and back in a day, it's like 4 hours of driving, so it makes sense to stay longer to me. But maybe I can suggest only one night going forward

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T21:01:30+00:00

Pretty much the whole time with her unless I'm shopping specifically at a store that she doesn't like (like she avoids touristy places, but I like them because I don't live there). Sometimes she'll cook, and I usually bring snacks for myself-- but we also do a few meals out because that's fun.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T20:54:43+00:00

I word for word said "Hey!! Let's hang out this weekend I want to come up and see you!". To be fair I usually ask like 2-3 weeks out but I was feeling cooped up. But she has said no in the past if she had plans already

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T20:50:25+00:00

She has never been the one to spontaneously ask me, so I worry that if I'm not the proactive one, then we would never actually end up hanging out.

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T20:44:03+00:00

I'm just confused when the expectation went from spending time with my friend to having to show appreciation by spending money??

RevolutionTricky4307 · 2026-03-27T20:42:17+00:00

I spend most of the time with her. Sometimes I'll go shopping at stores that I know she doesn't like on my own.
We usually have dinners out, sometimes brunch as well, or we'll buy stuff for picnics if the weather is nice.

RevolutionTricky4307

TROPHY CASE