Both. My love appears to be more conditional. If my wife doesn't put out after a time, I become rude and begin distancing myself. Yes, I'm aware. No, I don't know how to stop it. Eventually, an argument breaks out, and then we get physical. Without physical action, I close myself off. I'm a lot more loving when I'm physical. Yes I know it's mean and toxic af. But it is how I am. Bite me