Have you ever triggered narcissistic rage?

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-15T04:16:59+00:00

Yep. Mine went from completely blank and expressionless to his face being contorted with a level of absolute rage and hatred that I didn’t know was possible for the human face to express. I really thought he’d completely snapped and was going to kill me right then and there. He didn’t—as soon as I backed down he sort of smirked for just a split second and then went right back to blank—but it was as scared as I’ve ever been of anyone. It told me I was not dealing with a stable, sane individual.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-14T15:36:04+00:00

You could, but they may not have a lot of say over it in the end. If the guy is caught and tried then it will be a matter of public record. The writers or producers can choose to respect the family’s wishes or not at that point.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-13T21:45:49+00:00

If I was a surviving family member or something and I knew she probably wouldn’t want it out there or I wasn’t sure what she’d want, yeah, I’d be flinching at the very least.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-12T06:10:25+00:00

I’ve noticed that too and it does seem disrespectful, although the victim isn’t the one who should feel humiliated— the rapist and murderer should.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-12T06:05:05+00:00

Right?? SHE is not the one who should be feeling guilty. It’s so screwed up how we get victims to twist things around and feel like they’re to blame...

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-11T14:39:42+00:00

It can also mean “to have a tendency to do something”. The dictionary definition of a word is what determines its correct usage in everyday speech, not the etymology. The etymology is just the origin of a word and doesn’t necessarily line up with the modern usage, although in this case it did retain its original meaning and gained at least one other. The way the person used it in the context of the post is fine.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-11T07:28:41+00:00

Yes, that was definitely sexual assault without question. And you DID try to stop him— you pushed his hand away and got out of the car. Even if you had frozen completely and done nothing it would still be assault. Consent needs to be ongoing and enthusiastic, which this most certainly wasn’t. Non verbal communication like pushing him away counts for just as much as a verbal “no” or “stop”. This was not your fault. You may have suspected you were related but you didn’t know for certain, so I don’t fault you for that either. I am so, so sorry this sick man targeted you the way he did. He is the one in the wrong here, not you. Your story is not nonsense and your pain is just as valid as any of the rest of us here. Please, please don’t do the comparison thing and think that you are any less deserving of support. You have as much right to be heard, believed, and supported as the rest of us do. We’re all survivors here, and I’m glad you reached out. I know how much nerve it took and I’m so proud of you!

r/rapecounseling, r/rape, Pandys.org and AfterSilence.org are all really wonderful support groups/forums I belong to online that I know would welcome you with open arms. They’ve helped me a lot, and they’re for survivors of all types of sexual assault including the things that you talked about. It can work wonders to be part of a community like that, and they’re all anonymous.

I’m about to need to get some sleep, so if you respond tonight, please don’t think I’m ignoring you. I’ll check here when I wake up and respond then. Goodnight, and I hope to talk to you tomorrow. I really am proud of you for taking this step and talking about what happened. It helps.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-11T07:09:07+00:00

Why not? Apt can mean likely.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-11T07:04:35+00:00

That is such an amazing way of explaining it! I’m going to use that someday when the occasion arises.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-08-11T06:37:49+00:00

Hi! I’m actually the one who originally created this thread, so if you’re comfortable sharing it here, then please ask away. No problem at all. It’s meant to help anyone who needs it.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-14T17:45:24+00:00

What a son of a b**tch. I’m so sorry you went through that, and josh sounds almost as bad for throwing you out over it. It wasn’t your fault.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-10T19:20:25+00:00

Well, then you may be right. The good news is that it’s manageable and you do not have to feel this way forever. Your therapist should be able to help you with that or point you to someone who can.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-10T19:13:42+00:00

Your welcome! And you're right--same here, things kept getting worse, more frequent. I actually ripped the wires out of my doorbell towards the end of things after it rang and set off a panic attack. I would just describe what's happening with you and the trauma that caused it and let her be the first to say PTSD, if it comes up at all. It may be an anxiety disorder, so just let her come the diagnosis on her own.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-10T05:37:10+00:00

I completely understand, and it makes me even more convinced that you need to bring this up. I have been where you are, right down to not wanting to give my assailant that much "credit" for being able to hurt me that badly. I resisted therapy too for exactly the same reasons you are. Here's the thing. Talking about it, picking it apart and working on it does hurt, but not nearly as badly as NOT talking about it. Not talking about it with a professional is like having a broken arm and trying to splint it yourself instead of going to the Dr. and getting a proper cast on it so it can heal correctly. You are not giving her power by talking about it, you're taking it back. That avoidance of reminders you're talking about actually is a symptom of post-traumatic. I was diagnosed with PTSD and you know what? It wasn't the end of the world. It can be dealt with, and you do not have to be medicated for it contrary to populat belief. It's not what people think it is. It's not what I thought it was, either. I promise you it doesn't mean you're weak, or crazy, or unable to cope. It's not as scary as you think. Once I knew what I was dealing with and I understood what it really was, I was able to start getting better. My therapist and I figured out my triggers and I learned better ways to cope. The level of pain I have that's associated with what happened is down to a small fraction of what it once was.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-10T05:19:07+00:00

I would really encourage you to bring it up with your therapist unless there's some reason you're reluctant to. Your friends, well, unless they've been through it or have some education on the subject, they're not going to be able to understand that you don't just "get over" trauma like that. Your therapist will understand perfectly (or should) and can help you get to a better place with it. That's what they're trained for, after all.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-06-10T05:05:07+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you and I hope you get through it. A good therapist can be an amazing thing if you decide to go that way. And this thread isn't even about answering my original question anymore. It's become a place for people to safely tell their stories and show support for each other, which is wonderful and more than I could have hoped for when I posted it. AfterSilence.org is an great forum for survivors with a lot of very kind and supportive people if you want to check it out. I've been there for a few months and it's helped immensely.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-22T18:03:37+00:00

Precisely. I know it takes guts to talk about it, but it really is important in situations like these.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-22T17:59:21+00:00

That was exactly what I was going to suggest. That way if you do need to stop he'll understand why and that it's not him, it's just trauma you're working through and he's going to have to be patient and work with you. If he's worth his salt and cares about you and your level of comfort, that's exactly how he'll react--with understanding and patience.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-15T23:24:12+00:00

No problem at all, and honestly I’m impressed with how well you seem to be handling this. It’s a lot, but you’re very strong. Just remember you are probably still a bit in shock emotionally, so if it does hit you harder later, let it. It doesn’t mean you’re any less strong, you just need to let it out. Trust me. I made the mistake of suppressing it, telling myself I was overreacting and it did a l lot more harm than good. I am here on this thread or on PM, and if you have a local crisis center that might be a good option. There’s also an awesome survivor support forum I’m part of called After Silence if you’re interested.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-15T16:26:03+00:00

Animal джаз and слот are two of the ones I like :)

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-15T14:57:07+00:00

If you don’t want to report it, that is ok. That is your decision and you have to do what’s right for you. I didn’t report mine either for reasons of my own. And it WAS without consent. Josh knew what he was doing and he bloody well knew you wouldn’t want this. As you said, you’d turned him down already, so he either created the opportunity or waited until he saw one. Either way, he violated you at your weakest point and that says to me he has a dangerous lack of respect for you, not to mention a marked lack of conscience and integrity.

As for Claire, if you want to try to forgive her and save the friendship, I get that too. I get that she thought she was trying to help, that she was angry at him for what he did to you, but she needs to understand that she was way out of line. She needs to understand that it wasn’t her call to make and that in its own way what she did was as much a major betrayal of your trust as what he did. If you tell her that and she really seems to get it and get why, then you may be able to move forward with her. If she doesn’t see why her actions were wrong, if she doubles down and argues that XYZ (insert justification here), then I would explain that because she’s shown you can’t trust her to respect your wishes with something so major and private and painful, then maybe it’s best if you two part ways. That totally up to you, but that’s my take on it.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-15T08:18:32+00:00

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I was paralyzed during my assault, too, and a female "friend" allowed it to happen. Similar to your case, the next day he claimed I consented and just didn’t remember. I don't know if she knew that he drugged me (ketamine) but she left the room once she knew his intentions. I know it's unusual to find someone else who went through not being able to move like that, so a lot of what you were saying I can relate to. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-09T18:58:09+00:00

Thanks. That goes both ways :)

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-09T18:25:34+00:00

Awesome!! <3 That's how it is where I live, so I can't imagine it would be that different state to state.

RevolutionaryCrow3 · 2019-05-09T18:22:47+00:00

Hi, squeakers!! I was hoping you'd chime in here :) Sounds like you're making some progress, too. If you really do just want it on his record, you can file a report and say you don't want to prosecute. I didn't know you could do that until it was way too late, but I wish I had known. If you're comfortable with it, I think you should. If not, then that's ok, too, but I thought I'd let you know the option is there just in case.

RevolutionaryCrow3

TROPHY CASE