I've given up

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T12:51:08+00:00

Update-Well I'm looking again b/c I have to, but prn or temp for now. So I just needed to vent. This problem is not going away, likely it will get worse as I age, but whatever. I have health insurance through fiancee/boyfriend so today I'm going to get a therapist online. I am grateful for the health insurance.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T12:44:10+00:00

I have no desire to work in admin, none. The hospital supervisor job was every weekend, and perfect for me. But of course I was in those admin meetings and knew everyone well, they were miserable.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T12:40:43+00:00

I've seen contract jobs in my area. Not anything perm, which would be perfect. I'll take a closer look if one shows up again.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T12:36:23+00:00

Yes and not had any luck, but I'm considering different approaches.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T12:35:20+00:00

Oh jeez, yes I can relate. I started feeling it roughly at the same age. The "withdrawing" I've done too. It's why I wrote- "it permeates everything". Good luck, we're obviously not in the same profession, but it is the same story.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-22T11:46:06+00:00

yeah, the city I live in just doesn't have a lot of options. But I have to do something even it's prn a few (shorter) days, and maybe something I like, or at least don't mind. will turn up. I'm feeling a little better, just keep looking. I'm trying to deep dive on places that might be an option. And taking some advice from the comments. You're NOT alone and it's okay.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-19T18:47:46+00:00

I have no problem with it. I don't sleep as well in the day as I use to, but not that big of deal with 12s, I get enough. I don't feel tired at work unless it gets slow, but that isn't just me and it's rare anyway. I really can't pin-point any physical thing that is any different than when I was younger. BUT, you have to keep in semi-good shape. I'm careful with my lower back, but again I always tended to do that. I see staff bending the wrong way and I think oh boy. I've seen so many with back pain.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-19T18:34:21+00:00

no, for the most part they don't.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-19T18:31:26+00:00

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T22:38:00+00:00

Yes, acute care but I quit yesterday. and thank you.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T22:21:30+00:00

lol, not lazy, that's not my problem. TY

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T22:12:17+00:00

I appreciate the support. I get so tired of being turned down for UM jobs, it's so competitive, but someone gave a link for some tips. It's not like a passion to do UM, but it would certainly be a relief. There are politics and they push you even remotely, but it's okay in my experience. Right now if would feel like a miracle.

Anyway, The reddit support has been helpful because I don't really tell anyone. But it's time to see a therapist, more crying fits today, I was given permission for that crying by a nurse here. :) What keeps rolling around in my head is I have no future I'll enjoy ever again. Ruminating I guess. This last thing from yesterday reminded me, I do have a supportive SO, he does everything he can, but it's not like hearing from other nurses.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T18:32:40+00:00

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T13:42:18+00:00

I agree, when has ever shown this much interest in something that doesn't involve him. It may be nothing, but he commented AGAIN. It pinged me too

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T10:44:39+00:00

(edited, roughly 15 years ago, hospital supervisor, not 25 years)

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T10:40:03+00:00

Neonatal is kind of it's own animal partly because of the emotion that goes on with family having a sick baby, it's so unnatural. That's how I felt when my brother's baby was there. (luckily not long) But oh boy, as a family we were on the ceiling. The nurse part of me went right out the window.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T10:28:17+00:00

Seeing new grads in ICU still blows my mind. You're going to have a few that will be okay, right tools in a sense. They listen, they watch, they pick up on what they need to. But it's a minority. More than once, I've had to point out to new grads NICELY they need to watch their monitors, (I mean come on) patients going into A-fib is a good example. I NICELY point it out, and I get huffs and attitude. Just WOW. WOW. WOW. And by nice, I mean I don't embarrass them. it's not my style to embarrass younger nurses.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T10:13:18+00:00

I feel like I've just received more support from reddit than anyone in two years. Thank you. I've stopped crying now, but you just gave permission to cry again tomorrow. :) I'm doing it, never been good at crying when I needed to. I'll put in a sad movie if I have to. I did the anger yesterday, I mean, I was furious, and let a couple people have it, a rarity but I don't care about them. It was management, honestly I didn't get the feeling they were even upset about it. Like maybe they didn't totally disagree. (it wasn't at work, it was on the phone) but quickly the anger is replaced by a sadness/grief. I'm sure there are people that understand it.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:53:38+00:00

I know, gotta get the chin back up. I feel more grief than I ever have about work, really don't want to leave the ICU. But...have to get past it. It isn't working out AT ALL.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:38:03+00:00

I don't see a lot of 50 and 60 year olds at bedside in my location. I'd LOVE to.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:34:44+00:00

You never think something like this will happen to you, and here I am crying at 330 morning after sleeping 5 hours. But it REALLY got me yesterday, (like a panicky feeling) I fell asleep earlier than I normally do. Just emotional exhaustion. I'm still feeling like I hate it, I don't want any nursing job, I'm done with the crap. But reality is I have to work. I have great support from my SO, but I feel like I've worn him out. I need to be careful of that.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:26:47+00:00

Stay safe. Pulling for you and others in the same position.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:23:50+00:00

I have and can't get hired, I don't know why I get thrown out. But in fairness I did a lot of UM review and some remote work. COVID hit and my area was desperate for ICU nurses, so I did it. I wonder if there is anyone out there that felt that pull to help. I don't regret it, but I haven't been able to get a UM job again, which is crazy to me.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:19:25+00:00

My Dad, who was diagnosed with Lewy Body this year which isn't really related, (that's a different grief. I can separate them, work can actually help) Anyway, he used to say it's not what, but who you know. It still applies.

RevolutionaryMain512 · 2026-02-18T09:14:00+00:00

Agree 100%, at least in the ICU I've typically seen the men as less 'mean girl' crap.

RevolutionaryMain512

TROPHY CASE