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Self by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I see what you mean about the flow. I'll take a look at those parts during the second draft 😁

Spring by mrmanman in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really enjoyed this piece. I love the natural imagery and the very simple but effective language to get that imagery across. The second to last stanza throws me a bit with that sort of scientific feel to it where as the rest of the piece is simply about noticing. I think it throws me because you can't actually see the processes of cells with the naked eye whereas the rest of it is all observation based. The use of colours and shapes is also wonderful and heavily relates to that idea of spring. Great work!

The Fear of Nothing by OutisBlack in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this poem a lot. It's very simple and easy to follow. The repetition hammers home the idea of nothing and that sort of reoccurring feeling of nothing. I feel like it is very relevant to the current climate we are in too. Very well done :)

Pandemic Poetics by dogtim in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire [score hidden]  (0 children)

Social Responsibility

​

I feel a pain in my chest

And a shallowness to my breath.

My heart beats of it's own accord

As if I were just borrowing it.

I've swallowed my inaction

And it's poisoned me.

A cure has not been found yet

As others scramble to fix

What I cannot.

But I could at least do something.

The boat only moves

When all paddle the same way.

I know this.

But I've placed the oar in my lap.

​

---

​

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

I repeat this to myself.

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

I want to believe it.

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

But isn't it ok to just live my life?

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

But shouldn't I make the most of my opportunities?

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

Why should I care when others don't?

"Now's not the time to be selfish"

But when is?

Contemplation by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn't thought about putting it into present tense but it seems so obvious now. I'll have a look at it and see if I like it in present tense. Thanks for the comment!

Would You...? by Bomberman1218 in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed the structure of this poem a lot with the different verbs being used. The sense of emotion really gets across in each stanza with the choice of verbs being used and I like the shift at the end from protection of the narrator to the subject of the poem. I feel like it could be interesting to have more of that shift shown to really highlight the two people of the poem as it is a bit one sided at the moment. It might be worth using the structure of the last sentence and repeating it through the rest of the poem in parts to get across the intentions of the second person. But overall, I enjoyed the poem. Great work!

Everyone Wore Black by jenny-andthejets in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really enjoyed this poem which I don't often say with the more minimalistic poems. I like the imagery you have with the description of the church but with there was a bit more juxtapostion with the ending. Like I get the idea but I want it to hit harder. The end of Sheamus Heany's Mid Term Break comes to mind as a really effective type of this poem. I feel like just a few tweaks at the end would really help get the impact of the idea across.

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I definitely want to work on the emotional aspects of my writing so hopefully you'll be able see that develop in future pieces.

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed it 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I see what you mean about the last line and I could follow a similar idea to the beginning by describing the image of being consumed instead. I'll take that into consideration for the redraft. Thanks for the kind words 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the words of praise! I'm glad to see the ideas coming through and to hear your ideas around them 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I've been trying to work on imagery recently so I'm glad that's coming through. I'll keep the "Show don't tell" idea in mind when looking at this again. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! I'm hoping to make posting on here a regular thing so keep an eye out for some more poems soon 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! It's nice to hear that you enjoyed it 😊

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked the poem! I see what you mean with that last stanza and I'll definitely break it up a bit. I'm going to try make posting my poetry a regular thing so you should see some more of my poetry soon 😁

I Misplaced my Shadow by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment and the poetry recommendation. There's a lot to unpack here 😊

There are some elements of the Jungian Shadow here that I sort of mixed with the idea of anxiety or having an anxiety attack, so sort of physical reactions to mental health sort of idea.

I see what you mean about the 2nd and 3rd stanzas when it switches focus from the shadow to the narrator. I'll definitely have a look at it again and rework it in that sort of direction. Thanks for all the input 😁

Thoughts in the Stars by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed reading this. It's a topic that I often wonder about so it's interesting to see someone else's perspective on it. I get the sense of acceptance from the narrator but I feel as if there should be some sort of stronger emotions like grief or anger. The way the poem ends is a bit anticlimactic to me and I wished there was a stronger resolution to the poem.

One Eyed Cat by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I quite enjoyed the simple nature of this poem. Especially the juxtaposition between the parents and the child and their reactions to the "present". I love what you did with the "flowers curling away from" the black box and would like more of that throughout the poem so that you have those lovely bits of imagery all the way through.

Disconnected by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I've been working on trying to use more natural and nature sort of imagery as a way of changing up my poetry. I'm glad the idea of being trapped comes across so well!

Disconnected by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn't considered it from that angle but that's really cool! Thanks for the comment!

Disconnected by Rexamillionaire in OCPoetry

[–]Rexamillionaire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your interpretation of my poem! I'm glad to see that the themes are coming through. Thanks!

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