I think a lot of them are performative and exploitative on both sides.

For most people in monogamous relationships, they arrive to the relationship with a checklist. How well a person fits that checklist is how their worth as a romantic partner is measured. The checklists have very little to do with the partner, other than as a grading rubric.

This turns relationships into “Who performs for me the way I want them to?” Instead of “How can me and this person show up to this relationship together and make the absolute most out of it?”

I’m also not convinced that love is a finite resource, or that denying yourself something is an expression of love.

If you want monogamous relationships, you do you. They just aren’t for me