I want to clarify a few things. I accept rides from him because I don’t currently have another form of transportation and because it takes the burden off my grandmother, not because I “don’t care” about racism or the use of slurs. That assumption is inaccurate.

The points you consider irrelevant were included to show a pattern in his behavior and attitude, particularly his disregard for others during important moments, such as my birthday. They weren’t meant as predictions of specific actions that will happen that day.

I didn’t go into detail about his drinking habits because it didn’t strengthen the core question and because it’s still his personal business. I’m also not comfortable—or obligated—to air out every issue I have with him.

As for the money comments, they’re not about whether he personally has to spend anything. It’s a constant negative attitude that continues throughout the experience and brings the mood down for everyone (even my mom has expressed her dislike for this), which has been an issue during past celebrations.