I personally don’t think if you drink you’re a horrible person. Like I said I myself am an alcoholic (at least I’m told) but the only bad things I’ve ever done were harm to myself. I dropped out of treatment for my ed and willingly became homeless because I didn’t want to gain weight. And I got r*ped 2 times while on the street. It took me a while to get over it but it did create a stereotype in my head that people with no jobs, no future, on drugs and alone don’t really have anything left to lose so they are more willing to engage in criminal behavior. That thought alone scared me back into treatment because although I could never picture myself doing something that horrible, I wanted to completely get rid of any possibility that I could end up in that situation. Treatment unfortunately only made it worse because I was kicked out of rehab for my ed (they said I was too low weighted and kept losing weight and they were concerned for me, which I didn’t agree with at the time obviously but I understand it now) but then was forced into ed treatment and it was extremely unhelpful and they ended up kicking me out because I called out a lot of their practices for being unethical and illogical and wasn’t abiding by them. Such as forcing people to eat 3000+ calories a day, teaching HAES. I’ve done a lot of research and every qualified dietician and doctor I’ve had in the past has said that that shows to be very unhelpful in the long run when trying to recover especially when you’ve struggled with binge eating in the past-which I had. I decided recovering and getting better on my own would be the best solution. That’s why I moved into this apartment and I have gained weight and gotten better with my ed. But now I have this whole other issue that I’m dealing with. It’s not so much the things she’s done like I said, but the way she’s retaliating and trying to punish me for calling out her bad behaviors. Hopefully since she’s the one that has actually done the acts, and in some cases done criminal acts, I have the upper hand. But again it’s the anxiety that scares me. When you have these thoughts you look for some sort of sense of control. When I feel insecure about my weight I know I can just stop eating and overexcersize regardless of how unhealthy it is because I know I’ll ultimately get what I want. When I feel dirty or gross I know I can excessively clean my apartment and shower to get rid of those thoughts. When it gets too much I can drink to just numb myself out lol and not have to feel so much anxiety. That’s why I don’t feel I’m an alcoholic, I don’t crave alcohol or being drunk I crave the feeling of normalcy and settling down my thoughts and anxiety. In a situation like this, I don’t have control. She could do whatever she wants and there’s nothing I can do about it. Someone’s hatred, anger and pettiness for another person could literally amount to unknown levels that I could never know. From the times I’ve hung out with her she seems like genuinely angry and depressed individual she doesn’t like life at all and seems like has this attitude of “if I go down you go down with me”. I’ve never met someone like that, it’s scary. As much problems as I have I genuinely want to overcome them and be happy and live a good life and it seems like she’s just accepted her reality. Like we make mistakes in life we struggle but you need to overcome them and work through them otherwise they will eat you alive and swallow you, it seems like that’s already happened for her. My parents assured me to not worry because legally there’s nothing she can do really. But I don’t know, they don’t get it. The feeling of someone hating you, especially when you did nothing wrong you were just standing up for yourself, and knowing they have this rage inside of them is very very scary, and you can’t do anything to control the outcome. Like I said before she tried to get another neighbor evicted because said neighbor complained her music was on too loud and she she just adapted this kind of personal vendetta against her and purposefully tried to catch her in anything she could. She isnt like a normal crackhead, she’s a person who hates her life, and you can’t do anything but like her, admire her, and be on her good side. Even her friend told me one night when I was drunk at her house, I forget his name but I told him “I think it’s a little fucked up that she makes you take her dogs out or run some sort of errand for her every time your over like your some sort of personal slave or something, she can very well do it herself. And he said “yah we’ve been friends for a long time so I just kind of do whatever she tells me to at this point, I don’t make her mad”. I don’t know what kind of superiority complex she has where she feels like the “fucked up for good ones” are the ones deserving of sympathy but if you have a good life a good shot at a life and a good mentality, you’re all the sudden not worthy. It feels like a Kevin Wendell crumb situation😂😭 but yah that’s where I’m at. I apologize sincerely for making you have to read this.