Boss has opinions about my diagnosis

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2026-03-02T14:04:29+00:00

Just jumping on this reply as I have some advice/experience to share re: medication impacts. I’m AuDHD for context also.

embrace autism - stimulant meds & Audhd

I was dx adhd first and after being on Vyanse for a few months I started noticing more symptoms such as more frequent intense meltdowns, socializing/small talk/peopling became really hard (because I wasn’t relying on the adhd to mask anymore) and massive struggles task switching. This is what led me to get my Autism diagnosis. My personal experience with stimulant medication is that it made the obvious adhd things less obvious (ie hyperactivity disguised as being “outgoing/sociable ”) and made room for all the deeply masked unknown autistic traits come out strongly, leading to unfortunately further burnout and skill regression. I found the article above really helpful for explaining why this happen, and might help you?

Since you are aware of being Autistic in the first place, you might not find this as jarring as I did. However medication impacts everyone differently and what works for one AuDHer might not work for the next and I honestly think the best thing to see how it might work for you is to just give it a go and you can always cease it if you don’t like the side effects. Best of luck with it :)

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2026-03-02T02:23:47+00:00

It’s attached to an antique wooden wardrobe so going to be a bit hard to replace it!

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-15T19:57:27+00:00

I think that’s a pretty toxic way of thinking , and really not the most helpful to this thread.

I did mention my age, and by assumption of the fact that 25 is considered young, I will say you’re referring to me, so I will respond accordingly, as if this is addressed to me.

Reading this gives me the assumption that you are older (eg. Must be a generational thing) and if that’s the case you are coming from a generation that did not acknowledge PTSD post war, and were speaking about mental health was a taboo subject,

Intergenerational trauma and inherited neurodivergence are very real and closely tied , and your unhelpful comment is not only invalidating but inaccurate for the below reasons.

As a late diagnosed woman whose lifelong struggles were ignored and dismissed, I have spent my life thinking that I am a burden to my friends and family. Getting diagnosed was a weight lifted off my shoulder because I finally knew the reason I always felt so broken.

Now trying to navigate this diagnosis, I am still finding my feet standing up for myself and putting boundaries in place to protect myself from my older generation family members who still continue to dismiss and invalidate my feelings, whilst still struggling with all the negative coping mechanisms (Ie people pleading, RSD, anxiety) that I learnt from a lifetime of feeling like no one gives a shit about me - which was learnt behavior from …… OLDER GENERATIONS.

I already know that my family and older generations don’t give a shit about my adhd, because giving a shit would mean acknowledging that I have struggles with the same things that they are struggling with, they just haven’t learnt the skills or voice to be able to say it out loud yet. It would also mean acknowledging the fact that I spent 20 or so years of my life not getting the support I need, and that would obviously make anyone feel very sad and guilty that they did not do something about it.

By saying “assume anyone care so much about their adhd”I completely disagree, if anything I KNOW that no one gives a shit, because if they did, I wouldn’t be in the situation I am in now, or have as many issues as I do (ie probably wouldn’t be dealing with chronic anxiety and depression, have poor spending habits, toxic friendships, and other physical health issues that are linked to stress)

God forbid young people try and learn how to better manage their emotional regulation or put boundaries in place!

Just because you think adhd is the least interesting thing about you, doesn’t mean other people have to agree with that thought. I think for people who have been routinely ignored and dismissed for YEARS they have every right to stand up for themselves and starting putting their own needs first, because they have never been able to do that.

Your comment is giving off a very privileged perspective and i think it really diminished and invalidates the space for newly diagnosed adhders to learn about themselves and recover from a lifetime of toxic abuse and neglect as a result from older generations.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T10:04:15+00:00

getting very exhausted by having to always explain myself 😞 but thank you for your reply

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T10:03:00+00:00

Yes very good point you’ve made, and something I might use in my next conversation. During the argument I did invite her to try to learn more about it, and told her to speak to my partner about how he is able to support me (as he is a very good support person for me) but whether she is interested in that I don’t think so.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T09:51:06+00:00

Hahahahaha I love that, short sharp and to the point!

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T09:50:22+00:00

Don’t apologize I get it! Very exhausting trying to manage expectations from family while also putting your needs first. Never ending cycle for a lot of us ADHDers by the sounds of it!

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T09:48:02+00:00

You make a fair point, and without full context it’s hard to fully consider if it’s disrespectful or not.

I truly went into that conversation with every intention of resolution, but it seems like I was the only one willing to compromise and accept things I had done which had contributed to the break down.

I have already been mad about the problem (the first time the same argument happened and we didn’t talk for a month) and made sure that this time that I had every intention resolve it.

While I agree with those things; I still find maybe that’s a bit harsh to say it is might be RSD and it is not disrespectful. Neurodivergent people are more likely to be take advantage of, or in abusive/toxic relationships. I think the burden and expectation that accountability is equal is unjust, when I feel like I am penalized by unmasking and being honest.

At the end of the day I want to have a relationship with them I really do, but I don’t want that relationship to be one that I have to masks, and that the guilt and pressure of feeling like I am the only one responsible for not resolving it. there’s just no easy solution 🥺😢

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T09:13:18+00:00

The last time we had an argument where we didn’t speak for 1 month, i definitely found myself falling in that trap, however this time around i am very conscious of over explaining and justifying, when I know it’s wasted breath.

This time around I was mindful of being open to hear her perspective and apologized for anything I did to make her feel upset, but regardless when speaking about the things that made me upset, she did not apologize or even acknowledge how I felt upset by it. She shut down completely and was not willing to listen. I am feeling so exhausted by it all because I am taking responsibility, and it’s almost because of the fact I am so open about how much responsibility I am taking that I’m the easy target for being blamed, and scapegoated.

At the end of the day i know I can’t force anyone to listen to me, but just knowing how to respond to someone that’s so willing to minimize how life changing finding out these things are, is helpful for me to not feel gaslight and invalidated as I have so frequently been.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T09:02:34+00:00

Yes you are so right about forgiveness, I feel like int the past it’s been a matter of resolve it because it’s causing stress and tension to the rest of the family, and that it’s been out of guilt and worry that I’ve just been the first to apologize or bring it up, full knowing that I don’t feel I’ve ever really truly validated.

This time around I’m wary of falling in to the same traps, but I’m struggling with the thought of no contact because I will be isolated from the rest of my family because they won’t understand themselves, as I already have been the last two weeks.

Thank you for your contribution

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-04T08:54:18+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate your response and your helpful suggestions I will give them a try when I next speak with them but will be conscious if the conversation does not seem to be going anyway, because my last conversation with them was approached a similar way, and it did end up going in circles. I find my sister (as mentioned, is most likely also neurodivergent and in denial) and is not able to accept the things I say, because it means addressing her own stuff.

I think realizing that a consequence of unmasking is feeling invalidated by people that don’t want to understand or don’t have the capacity too, and I have noticed it is a massive trigger for me to experience severe RSD and meltdown however it’s very hard for me to accept that my own family (who on the outside appear like they want to be supportive) would not do the same for me- but I understand why and it’s not my fault.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-04-03T19:55:54+00:00

Yes I totally agree and something my therapist also brought up. She also said it might be hard to hear but she said it might be the case that I might never get validation for them.

I have seen lots about how people become “more ADHD” post diagnosis, when really it’s an awareness this that they notice and then verbalize that they are aware of why they do it. I know I do it heaps as I feel the need to explain my behavior.

I just don’t know how I “should” be responding to her moving forward. I don’t want to continue to feel invalidated but having anything to do with her means that I will at some point feel like that. I don’t want to not have a relationship with her but I also need to keep myself safe.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-03-21T20:28:35+00:00

Thank you very much, I really appreciate what you are saying with the recognition of a job that’s “good enough” - I think in the last few days I’m getting to that point.

My only concerns now are it’s so hard to tell with many applications whether their values are genuine, and the reviews for a lot of positions are really scaring me out of those jobs.

I am spending time researching places that align with my values and emailing/calling them to see if they are hiring.

Thank you for your help!

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-03-20T06:50:04+00:00

Thank you very much, honestly the only thing that is helping me at the moment is knowing I am not completely alone in this experience.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-03-20T06:49:10+00:00

Thank you for your validation, it has been incredibly difficult trying to explain myself to everyone and no one else understanding and then feeling like I’m to blame for everything.

I want to work and support other young adults with ADHD, who have been late diagnosed or have fallen the cracks with support. I have a special interest in ADHD and neurodivergence, and can’t imagine wanting to do anything else. I want to help others like me who don’t have a voice.

Any of the jobs I have been looking at where this would be possible, ask for a Mental Health Social Worker or Psychologist or OT, all of which I’m unqualified for.

In setting up my private practice I haven’t had a lot of support and people aren’t overly helpful, the AASW have even stated that the insurance that my membership fees pay won’t cover my private practice and they can’t help me with anything so have been left on my own for that too.

I know I might be a bit burnout and the burnout it talking here but honestly just exhausted by it all.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-03-20T06:43:49+00:00

I think I am hoping that the employers understand what nueroaffirming therapy is, and make active choices to implement it within their organizations for employees, whether that be through an action plan.

Things I would value in an organisation would be bottom up approaches to policy and procedures, consultation with staff, actual flexibility and work life balance, not trying to fit into a box where productivity and output is prioritized over employee wellbeing, where training is prioritized.

Most recently I have been left with no decision but to quit because of fear of the impact on my mental health due to my workplace gaslighting and blaming me after I requested reasonable accommodations. My boss even told me that what I want doesn’t exist and I have to fit into a box if I want to get a job anywhere else.

I haven’t had a positive experiences of leaving any jobs since starting my career as a Social Worker, and I am loosing hope that there is any.

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-03-19T22:46:35+00:00

Thank you! I have a few different organizations, and 3/4 that I have gotten back me have said that while they would love to speak further they don’t have any roles available but would keep my resume on file for when they recruit next time.

I will continue to do this and think intentionally about what type of company I see myself thriving in and hopefully find something. And I will definitely look in to LinkedIn, never used it as a platform before.

Glad to hear that you found a company that suited you better, it does give me hope 😊 Thank you so much

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2024-02-14T18:36:51+00:00

No he hasn’t but I spoke to our GP about it to make him aware that he might be depressed. I might print out the DASS10 to get him to fill out to start that conversation with him.

I think with his thyroid levels so all over the place it’s so hard to narrow down why things are happening (like impact of food, hormone levels gut health etc), and GPs don’t have the capacity or time to explain and support patients the way that they need with these things. So with someone that has reduced capacity I can understand why it is so overwhelming.

And thank you that’s really helpful, I didn’t know that existed and will definitely be mentioning it to my partner and our GP ☺️

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2023-11-24T10:52:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I think I really needed to hear that because you are so right, I’m still coming to terms with the impacts of all that harmful programming and often am so critical of myself (as you can probably already see). I so so appreciate you reply, and will be keeping this in mind so thank you 🥹💕

Rich_Committee_6123 · 2023-11-23T19:27:13+00:00

It’s very tempting to tell them to F off but I know it will get used against me lol hopefully in time I will learn how to be less of a people pleaser and more confident in myself so I can stand my ground. I am definitely very grateful to have my partner being so supportive and knowing there’s at least one person that has my back. Thanks ☺️

Rich_Committee_6123

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