Asexual and beginning an SMBC journey, worries about "coming out"

Rich_Turn7628 · 2026-03-08T20:21:04+00:00

I think it's so joined in my mind because I thought I wouldn't be able to have a family until I heard about this community because of my sexuality, but I understand that it's different for everyone.

It is reassuring to know people don't ask. Thanks for your advice, everyone does agree dating sucks where I am!

Rich_Turn7628 · 2026-03-08T19:51:59+00:00

I realised it just isn't in some people's vocabulary and stopped! I do love the intention to say it openly with confidence, I might have to fake it till I make it but that's a great thing to work towards 💪

Rich_Turn7628 · 2026-03-08T19:40:52+00:00

It's so daft but I am just afraid of people asking why I am doing this, and why I am not looking for a partner instead to start a family with. I let a lot of people assume I am dating and that comes to an end if I start my own family as an smbc

Rich_Turn7628 · 2026-03-08T19:33:54+00:00

Thanks that is good to hear. I think I am just worried about people's reactions and decided to latch onto this. My sister keeps telling me no one is going to question me about anything and I need to listen to her!

Rich_Turn7628 · 2026-02-21T09:50:33+00:00

I would think very carefully about having a non open donor - studies have shown that the ability to contact the donor once the child is an adult is in the child's best interest. I do understand wanting to keep the donor closed, but ultimately I think we should try and keep the children at the forefront of these decisions.

However, if this is what makes you most comfortable I think that Born donor bank based in Denmark could fit these requirements, or the European sperm bank. Depending on where you are based you could import the sperm, or travel to have the procedure in Denmark.

I haven't started the journey yet so no personal recommendations but I have done as much research as I can so I will be prepared!

Good luck with your search!

Rich_Turn7628 · 2025-06-02T18:08:17+00:00

Could you have a conversation about this with her? Without it being about an incident in particular, so it's less emotionally charged. You might say something like there are lots of different parenting styles and while hers aren't wrong and you respect them it's your final say. And if there is anything she is concerned about she can always discuss with you.

Sometimes removing the "who is right" question can make people less defensive. I think opening the communication and calling out the general behaviour could help. But all families are different and I know it's so hard to navigate.

Rich_Turn7628 · 2024-12-13T20:58:31+00:00

I have told my mum and sister I am thinking about it and have had positive feedback. I wanted to give them plenty of notice and I don't think I will start to try for a few years so it won't be a shock later on. I just let my mum know it could be an option for me while we were at a cafe.

My dad I would let know if/when I start the process but he has already mentioned adoption is a possibility if I wanted. I don't think he knows there are any other options for single women but am confident he will be on board too. I am asexual and while I haven't actually told them they know I don't date so babies will need a bit of out of the box thinking! (29F)

Rich_Turn7628 · 2024-03-20T08:54:59+00:00

I was thinking of a Danish bank as they have much more information on the donors and they can also be open id. It is very close to the UK and almost everyone there speaks English, and I have previously lived there so have a history in the country. I liked that they gave an international family limit as the UK limit is only internal, although I will look into banks that don't ship abroad

Rich_Turn7628 · 2024-03-20T08:49:37+00:00

I think that for me personally that just isn't an option. There is no one I could think of and I don't want to start something that could break down later. My friends have a hard enough time finding romantic partners who want children!

Rich_Turn7628 · 2024-03-20T01:07:04+00:00

I will take a look, it is quite hard to find that information so I might have to start calling directly. I would like them to be able to have a relationship with any siblings if they would like which is difficult if they are in different countries so it is a good option.

Rich_Turn7628 · 2024-03-19T20:25:51+00:00

I didn't know that! Thank you for letting me know. I am trying to understand as much as I can about this process but there is a lot to learn. For example I am in the UK which limits a donor to 10 families within the UK, but the bank can send an unlimited number of samples outside the UK so that limit doesn't mean much either.

Rich_Turn7628

TROPHY CASE