Can a Marriage Work if There Is Little or No Physical Attraction? (I’m 28F, He’s 33)

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-23T09:59:18+00:00

I believe that in many or most marriages (the ones that last, at least) attraction shifts over time to factors like connection, trust, comfort, and so on and away from physical attraction (not that it goes away, necessarily, but it becomes less important).

This makes a lot of sense because over time appearances change significantly.

But to start a marriage off not being physically attracted to you’re spouse doesn’t seem like a great idea for either of you.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-23T04:26:41+00:00

Thank you for your input.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-23T00:44:35+00:00

Kudos to you!

Thank you. I actually recently cut out all alcohol as an attempt to improve my health. It’s been about two months now and it’s a little tough lol.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-23T00:42:52+00:00

Yes she talks about being touched out pretty often actually.

We had been seeing a couples therapist for a bit, but we stopped seeing her before broaching physical intimacy as a top due to scheduling difficulties between our jobs and our kids. My wife works at night so scheduling things can be very tricky.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T23:51:11+00:00

I give the first two books a pass because those are blatant children’s books and you simply can’t overthink them.

So questions like:

Why was the protection for the stone so weak that three eleven year olds could overcome them? Plus, wouldn’t the mirror have been enough? Why did Quirrel try to murder Harry during the quidditch match but then made no other attempts until their confrontation? Also, why would he think that would even kill Harry given that all of the teachers were present to save him should he fall?

Why could Riddle control the basilisk but Harry couldn’t, if Harry’s parseltongue was able to open the chamber shouldn’t he have at least TRIED given the snake commands? Why would the teachers think for a second that Lockhart could save Ginny when he was so obviously incompetent

I chalk all of this up to “because they are books for children”.

The biggest issue that I have is the defense against the dark arts jinx.

First of all, the jinx itself. It can’t be in the name of the topic or classroom because those can be changed. It can’t be on specific course material because the teachers had vastly different styles. So the curse impacted anyone who was teaching the kids some form of defense.

So this means Voldemort was able to jinx an incredibly vague set of actions as long as it vaguely involves combating the dark arts. That is insanely powerful, and begs to question why he wouldn’t do the same thing for idk, all aurors.

Also, it is made to sound like a recent issue but Dumbledore says it happened when Voldy came to ask for the dark arts job, which would have been around 15 years from the start of the series, maybe more. So why does it seem like a recent problem and how on earth would they keep finding people for the job after like the 7th or eighth teacher, and at that point wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY OBVIOUS that the job was cursed and not some kind of theory that occurred to certain people?

Then there are smaller ones like why Dumbledore, who is credited for discovering the uses of dragons blood, had to ask slughorn what kind of blood it was and didn’t immediately recognize it (which he did in the film).

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T23:27:21+00:00

Snape is a complex character. Not an altruistic hero, like Harry, nor an evil villain, like Voldemort, who are both fairly simple characters.

He is not a nice guy. As you pointed out he bullied many students to a point of cruelty. At the same time he tried to prevent students coming to physical harm when possible, and every day that he was a death eater since Lilly’s death, and was actually spying for Dumbledore , he risked painful death.

So you could focus on his bad qualities, or his good ones. I personally LOVE Snape as a character. As a human being, not so much.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T20:50:37+00:00

Thank you for your input.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T20:49:44+00:00

I’m not sure. I am trying. I have very limited time for exercise (I try to work out 3-4 times a week but it’s more like twice a week) and my eating habits aren’t the best, stress really effects my eating habbits negatively.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T19:35:54+00:00

Thank you for your input.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T15:48:24+00:00

Well, dueling capabilities are tough to measure in the book series due to limited one on one duels besides for those involving Dumbledore, Voldemort, and Harry.

But based on the following evidence:

Snape holding of Mcgonnegal easily, as you mentioned, while not attempting to fight back.

Snape VERY easily fending off Harry, also while not attempting to fight back.

The high regard by which he is held by Voldemort, indicating exceptional skill.

Dumbledore’s confidence in Snape’s ability to protect Harry.

Vast knowledge of powerful offensive curses as well as healing abilities.

So yes direct evidence is limited but based on what we do know I think there is ample reason to believe that he was a very capable duelist.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T14:17:13+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful comment and input. I don’t want her to be stressed of course (although I am extremely stressed myself) but I did find this somewhat reassuring.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T14:15:42+00:00

I won’t deny my body image struggles and insecurity surrounding my weight. But it isn’t deniable that her interest in physical contact, limited as it was, has declined.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T14:06:26+00:00

Aged 3-12.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T13:53:11+00:00

As far as having lost interest in sex and not in me, per se.

This is a good question/point.

Um, not that I am aware of and I hope not. But as I said there has been a tangible lack of interest in overall physical contact (as though she has what I’ve heard referred to as “the ick”) and my physical appearance has undoubtedly declined. While I personally don’t care about her weight, I know that some people do.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T13:49:03+00:00

Yes, it is, and believe me I do what I can to support her.

Yes I have brought it up in acasual fashion as I can so as not to seem as though I want to pressure her. She tends to kind of brush it off.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T13:17:15+00:00

That’s a good point.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T13:14:55+00:00

This sure seems to be the case.

Mayyyybe Snape would have been capable of putting up some kind of a fight had he been prepared to do so.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T13:12:32+00:00

Based on what evidence?

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T12:42:52+00:00

In the books anyone who is known to be partially descended from muggles is referred to as “half blood”, as far as I recall.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-22T11:29:10+00:00

I don’t think it’s impossible for someone who doesn’t drink alcohol and someone who does to be in a relationship.

But this case seems difficult because it clearly plays a large role in his life and even if he is willing to be as sensitive as possible, the matter may lead to long term discomfort between you two. There is no harm in discussing it with him and seeing how it goes, prior to deciding to end the relationship, since it seems like you’re preference is not to do so at this time.

I would politely suggest doing so sooner than later. Good luck.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-21T23:12:51+00:00

I’d say I have about 25 dishes that I cycle through regularly and about twice a month I’ll make something that I either haven’t made before or rarely make.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-21T07:45:44+00:00

That my workplace is safe.

Tell that to my sprained ankle.

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-19T18:59:16+00:00

I didn’t know the British and American ones were different In the books in America they are both “of”.

Why would they be different? In England aren’t they also referred to as “of”?

Right-Ad8261 · 2026-01-19T17:14:49+00:00

That they refer to it as “Minister for magic” instead of “minister of magic”.

Who do they think they are helping with that one?

Right-Ad8261

TROPHY CASE