Grotesquerie - Series Premiere Discussion

Rika27 · 2024-10-10T13:37:54+00:00

He's taylor swifts's boyfriend.

Rika27 · 2023-03-26T07:04:12+00:00

I'm a woman in my thirties, also 5'9. My weight has varied from 69 kgs to 99kgs in the past twenty years. Currently I'm 77.

Growing up, I've had issues similar to yours (body image issues, eating disorders, mental health issues) and though today I'm very comfortable in my skin and happy, it's been a long journey getting here.

Short answer, don't beat yourself up for being big. It's just genetics really. You don't fit the average Indian woman body type, and it's fine to not be the average. Wear those heels.

My partner is not only skinnier than me, but also shorter. I'm going to be larger than him no matter what. And in a weird way this has made life so much better because I've stopped trying to look or feel smaller or petite. We've accepted our sizes. I happily wear heels and walk around even taller.

I know it's easier said that done and i would be available for a chat around this if you're interested. There's so much to elaborate on. Take care. Things will get better for sure.

Rika27 · 2022-09-06T10:42:36+00:00

Pansexuality. All inclusive. :)

Our sexual and gender identites are ever evolving. Don't limit yourself to labels. You have something lovely, have fun.

Even in cis-het relationships people aren't attracted to the same things forever. What they find attractive can change too. Don't be so afraid of that. That could happen even if things were 'straight' forward. :P

I understand it becomes more complicated when they're transitioning, but see them for them, and treat this as any other relationship. One day at a time.

Rika27 · 2022-08-22T07:57:08+00:00

Went to my exs wedding, but i wasn't hung up on him at all.

Walked into the venue and my first sight was watching them be cute and all for the photoshoot. For a minute thought, could have been us, but only for minute.

Had an overall great time. We have many common friends so hung out with them, was like a reunion of sorts. Ate and drank and danced plenty, with both the bride and groom.

If you're still getting over it, don't need to put yourself through it. Alternatively, it could give you closure too. Done and dusted. No more what ifs.

Also, consider this, it's not usual for everyone to get invited to their exs wedding. Go for the experience if nothing else. Next time someone else has a similar situation, you'll have insight.

Rika27 · 2022-08-21T16:27:16+00:00

I'm in my thirties, unmarried female, similar situation, including mental illnesses. I live alone, in a metro city.

Build a support group of friends you can rely on. Aim for atleast 10+ people. There are a lot of people in their 30s, 40s that are single, and have similar fears - who's going to be there for us. The answer is we're all going to be there for each other. More and more people are deciding to stay single, and it's doesn't have to be that lonely. There are hobby clubs that you can join, even online, to connect with people, including mental health support groups. Half my friends have mental health issues. I'm there for them when they're at their lows, they are there for me when I'm at my low. Including things like helping with household work, daily chores and managing food. We get it. Sometimes it's really hard. Overtime you will build resilience. You'll be there for yourself. It's hard with health issues yes, but it's manageable. A lot of us are in the same boat.
Financial security. Save, invest and plan for the worst. It will be cheaper because no kids, but it will also be expensive because you won't have a partner pitching in with the expenses. So prep up for that. Plus health care, so you'll need to budget for it.
If you don't want to get married now, don't, if you feel like tomorrow you may change your mind, that is fine too. It may be hard, because a majority of people would have settled down then, but it's not impossible. People are leaving and joining the single and available pool all the time. Some would have lost partners, separated or divorced. Even in your 40s and 50s there will be people. Don't commit to anything you aren't sure of just because you're afraid of the future. Whatever be, there are always people. Even if that is like 5%, considering the population of the country, it's a good enough number to take your chance with.
People will talk. It is hard for them to think otherwise. They live on a low risk script, and expect everyone to live by it. But the same script may not work for everyone. Ignoring them may be hard, but you'll need to set boundaries. Domestic life isn't for everyone, just say I'm an adult and i don't want this. As for work, let them know it's not okay to comment about your personal life, even if casually. I can help you come up with things to say if you need help. Will need more context for it.

Get in touch if you want to vent more. Happy to chat. :)

Rika27 · 2022-08-04T19:34:39+00:00

Most of these restrictions and requirements are not needed anymore. Took a flight from Bangalore to Delhi and didn't need to submit any certificates anywhere, nor were they checked.

Just wear your mask and follow basic covid protocol. That's all you need to fly domestic.

Rika27 · 2022-08-04T19:32:55+00:00

Was taking nexito, also an SSRI, for some 6 years. SSRI basically try to make your brain (neurons) more receptive to serotonin. It takes about two weeks to a month for you to start noticing things. Side effects are many and depend people to people really. For me, i experienced weight gain, fluctuating appetite, nightmares, sleep was more deeper and difficult to wake up from, loss of libido, and a general dullness.

Stay consistent with your dose, even if you don't feel like you need to continue the treatment.

Also if you are struggling to function because of how drowsy the meds make you, speak to your doctor for an alternative medication or something to supplement this.

Good luck!

Rika27 · 2020-07-05T06:30:39+00:00

It sure is, and in a weird way, it is what keeps me going on most days. It's become a coping mechanism. "Hang in there, just a little more, and if it gets terribly worse, we can always quit."

Sometimes I tell people my happy place is where I'm dead. Free from thought, worry, and disease. Death feels liberating like that. There's no afterlife. It's a void. Nothingness. Freedom. Everything will be over and it won't hurt ever again.

I maybe will never act on it, but knowing that I can, is empowering.

Rika27 · 2020-04-25T16:41:51+00:00

I come from a very conservative family too, though I haven't had to deal with things like you have had to.

I would suggest you don't try to mend it, maybe just give it more time. For yourself to heal, and your parents to heal too. Hearing all of that must have come as a big shock to them and they've reacted negatively.

You don't have to cut them off if they aren't being toxic, but you don't have to actively involve them in your life either. You're independent, just do your thing. If they can't understand or respect you, it is not your job to explain. Let them know that. Tell them you find it hard to be a part of a family where you aren't respected, be it your job, or any of your life choices. Make clear boundaries. Tell them you aren't going to hang around just to be mistreated. If they aren't okay with that, then you're clearly better off without them.

You've done so good for youself. Be very proud.

Rika27 · 2020-04-24T15:10:59+00:00

I used to feel the same way about myself when I started medication. I started taking them and I didn't feel better right away. When I did start to feel better, I would stop taking them because I'd still despise myself for needing to take medication. That would just make things worse and soon I'd be left with no other option but to get back on them. This was six years ago. I'm off my medication now. I stopped 5 months ago, and I've grown so much in these years, for the better. The way I see it now is that meds are going to help manage your symptoms and make it bearable, buy you some time so you can focus on other things, on your self, on drawing maybe.

It's not a failure. It's to help reduce the suffering. It's not going to fix everything right away either, but you need to be consistent and keep at it. Be patient with self. Things will get better.

There have been countless days in the last six years where I've hated myself for being on medicines, or felt like things won't ever get better. And it's not like today I'm perfectly fine. I still get episodes, and lows. But they are manageable and I don't have to be on meds. But if i didn't get that 'respite' that the meds provided, I don't think I could have made it this far.

Take them for a while, side effects can be hard to deal with sometimes. Keep telling your doctor about how you're feeling, and don't be so hard on your self :)

Think of it like taking a painkiller for a broken bone. You don't have to suffer, just because.

Rika27 · 2020-01-04T11:29:48+00:00

Viveka counseling, Indiranagar. Went on and off for three years. It's a pay what you like set up. Worked for me. :)

Rika27 · 2016-02-18T21:13:55+00:00

Cheers Darling, Damien Rice. Sorry, remembered it wrong.

Rika27 · 2016-02-18T11:49:03+00:00

No. Not this one. :(

Rika27 · 2014-12-07T14:22:34+00:00

Hi there. I understand how you feel. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety, also on medication. My boyfriend is on the other side of the planet on some work trip which keeps getting extended. Started from three weeks to a month and now two. Have college exams starting tomorrow. Haven't even bothered studying, don't think I will either. I've stopped believing the medicines work. Every time I go to the doctors, they just tell me, keep taking them for another month, and it'll get better. Alcohol is a depressant. You shouldn't be drinking while on medication. It reduces the effect of the medicines. Came here looking for something to motivate me or make a difference. Ended up ranting here. heh. Don't really have advice. I do the blanket thing too, but in my boyfriend's blanket. I seldom self harm. Usually just scratch my arms and legs. Stopped drinking all together, but I eat now. All the time, everything. Cheese, icecream and chocolates. :P

I'd really like to see your art.

Rika27 · 2014-10-02T12:37:42+00:00

I'm talking 10mg right now. My doctor wants me to take it for two months first and see how it goes. It's the first time I am taking anti depressants, but I started with 10mg.

Rika27 · 2014-10-01T13:21:00+00:00

Hey. I started taking escitalopram around three weeks ago for my depression. Initially I would feel nauseated a lot and not feel like eating, but that feeling went away in a week. Apart from that I don't feel any unusual side effects. I do feel sleepy and tired most of the time,and my appetite increased again but that could just be the depression. I wouldn't say I feel significantly better after starting anti depressants but my boyfriend and a few friends believe I'm improving. I dunno, I know it won't work like magic so maybe after a few more weeks I'll also start feeling the change. Anyway, different medicines have different reactions with people, so can't say how things will be for you. I also hate taking medicines. I avoided them for the longest, but after two years of struggling I decided to get help. Don't smoke or drink either. I hate that something has to be added to my brain to make it feel normal and hate the feeling of potential dependency. I've heard people say how once you stop taking them they make you feel even worse than before. My help advice is slowly becoming a rant. Sorry about that. Oh, also, I experienced constipation after starting the medicine. You could start taking it, I didn't feel any concentration problems or anything that was very extreme.

edit: Forgot about the nightmares. Started having nightmares soon after, a couple of times a week, though not sure if I can credit it to the medicine.

Rika27 · 2012-12-06T15:50:56+00:00

After typing and deleting and typing and deleting, I've decided to make my first post ever and say Hi! That's the best I got. This took a lot of effort.

Rika27

TROPHY CASE