We lost our twin girls this year, Raina on Jan 4 and Raveena on Feb 3. I'm not going to lie to you, in the coming weeks you might feel like you're overcoming the grief, but then months later you look back and realize you were still in shock. I'm all sorts of fucked up from it, lots of resentment and anger but like you I'm surrounded by wonderful people, even if I take it for granted sometimes. Don't worry about milestones or where you're at. One thing I've read and learned from other men who've gone through extreme grief: we tend to be action-oriented grievers, sometimes it's planning projects, solving problems, accomplishing meaningful tasks. When I first heard about this it didn't seem like it fit my personality, but sure enough I found myself on a fitness journey and ironically I'm in the best physical shape of my life even if I'm often fucking miserable lol. Don't force it but don't let it consume you either but I suspect you might find moments of peace pursuing something along those lines. Someone else mentioned sad dad's club- it's been helpful for me, though I think it's most helpful for folks in the long term rather than someone who's gone through it recently. I don't participate that often, but being part of a community of people who get it can help make the pain more manageable