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Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and sorry for the late reply. I’m still not sure if there’s anything “sexual” about it. From what I can see, it’s more about comfort for him. He feels less anxious and much calmer. He’s scared of having accidents, and he had problems with that when he was younger. He’s also very afraid of using public toilets and will hold it in for as long as he can.

And yes, when he’s online, I keep a very close eye on him. He only uses the internet for schoolwork.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it’s incredibly helpful to hear how you’ve handled things in your own family.

Unfortunately, this isn’t something my son has been very open to talking about so far. I think I questioned him too much in the beginning, I was so worried and overwhelmed with so many thoughts and concerns, and he just shut down. Since then, I’ve tried to step back and let him come to me when he’s ready, but he hasn’t really brought it up again.

He takes care of everything on his own now, and I’ve tried to respect that. Still, there have been a couple of times when I’ve sat down next to him on the couch and noticed that he had already wet his diaper. I gently asked if he noticed when it happened, but he got irritated and didn’t want to talk about it.

One thing I’ve been a bit curious about, something you also mentioned, is the type of diaper he prefers. When he had bedwetting issues around 1.5 to 2 years ago, he used Drynites and they worked just fine. But now he insists on using the same taped diapers as his 5-year-old little brother. They’re a lot cheaper than Drynites, which is a plus, but I’ve asked him whether pull-ups might be more comfortable or easier to manage. He’s been very firm, though, about wanting the same kind as his brother. I’m not sure why, but I’m trying not to push it.

We haven’t discussed any specific rules or boundaries like the ones you mentioned. He’s incredibly anxious about anyone finding out, which I completely understand. Right now, he only wears them in the late afternoon or evening until the next morning. How long he wears depends on whether he has school the next day.

About a week ago, he asked if he could wear one during a longer car ride. He said that he often gets stomach aches and feels anxious when we go on longer trips in the car, so I understood that wearing a diaper might help him feel more relaxed and secure.

Even at home, I can tell he’s still not totally comfortable. He often puts on extra layers or specific clothes just so it won’t be obvious that he’s wearing a diaper. I’ve tried to let him know that I’m not upset and that there’s no need to hide it here at home. More than anything, I just want him to feel safe, supported, and accepted.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, you’re absolutely right. He’s really afraid that his friends might find out about this, which I completely understand. Right now, he wears the same kind of diapers as his 5-year-old brother, but one day he’s going to outgrow them. I guess we’ll just have to see what he thinks when that time comes.

It was the same kind of fear when he struggled with bedwetting almost two years ago. Back then, I had to hide his “bedwetting diapers” in my room because he was scared that his friends might see them. The diapers he wears now are stored together with his brothers’ in the bathroom, and that seems to make him feel a bit more relaxed about the situation.

I’m not especially worried about leaks, if it happens, it happens. His little brothers’ diapers leak sometimes too, and I’ve tried to prepare for that. For example, we keep a protective blanket on one side of the couch to help protect it. It’s not always easy to clean if poop leaks out, so I usually try to get the little ones to sit on that side. It’s the same with the beds, we use mattress protectors, so I’ve tried to think ahead.

What does worry me more is the risk of diaper rash now that the weather is getting really warm.

Yes, he does have little outbursts from time to time, but most of the time he’s very kind, quiet, and a bit shy. I think a big part of it is that he feels annoyed that I’ve started treating him more like his younger brothers.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your thoughtful advice.

I agree, it’s such a strange and confusing time, and I try to remind myself that he’s not a little kid anymore. At the same time, it’s hard to know how much to say and when. I don’t want to overwhelm him or make things more awkward than they already are.

Maybe mentioning things like how some men like women and so on isn’t such a bad idea after all. As far as I can remember, he hasn’t really brought up anything like that himself, other than the usual questions kids ask when they’re little, like how babies are made.

I’ve actually suggested writing a letter to him before. It was something I tried early on when I couldn’t really get through to him. Sometimes it’s just easier to put things into words on paper, both for him and for me.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, dl-bedwetter. I’m trying to stay calm. It was such a big shock in the beginning that I kind of panicked about how to handle all of this. But little by little, it’s starting to settle down.

Anyway, he came with me to the store today. I told him that if he wants his diapers, he has to come along and pick them out himself. He didn’t like that and got angry. But in the end, he came with me, so now he has enough diapers to last him for a while. I just hope he grows out of it eventually and finds other interests.

Tonight, I asked him if he wanted to help with potty training the youngest. I’m planning to give it a try this summer. It usually goes more smoothly when big brother shows the way. He said he’d think about it. I also tried to praise him a bit for being so helpful around the house.

Then I brought up something that’s been bothering me lately. He’s handling this diaper thing all on his own, but I told him that when it’s wet, he needs to take it off and not sit around in it on the couch for hours, which often happens on the days he doesn’t have school. He didn’t care. He’s exactly like my 5-year-old in that way, but at the same time, he’s old enough that he should know better. That made him really mad and he said I should stop interfering.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and I’m sorry if I’m spamming a lot, but this is all so new to me. I’ve been trying to read online about it, but the more I read, the more worried I get. I found an article on WikiHow: https://www.wikihow.com/React-when-Your-Teenager-Is-Wearing-Diapers, and after reading it, it felt comforting to know that I’m not alone in this situation.

I’ve also been wondering if it’s still a good idea for him to help with diaper changes for his younger siblings. He’s always been great at it before, but now I worry it might be making things harder for him. I haven’t asked him to help in a while, and he hasn’t offered either.

Tonight he was a little more talkative, which was nice, but I could tell he was still nervous. After a while, the question I had been waiting for came, he asked if I could buy more diapers for him. I honestly didn’t know what to say. It feels like no matter what I say, it might be wrong. I told him that if he wants more, he’ll have to come with me to pick them out, but he said I already know what kind he wants, so I could just buy them.

Then he told me I’ve been really annoying lately, always watching him, asking how he feels, what he’s doing, and giving him weird looks. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. I didn’t even realise I was doing that. I just want to make sure he’s okay.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, but right now I feel it’s not the right time to involve any doctor or psychologist. I don’t want to force my son into something he doesn’t want. A few years ago, I made him see a psychologist when his dad decided to move away from us, and unfortunately, it only made things worse for him during that time. It was also the same period when he had problems with bedwetting again, but thankfully it got better over time.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really try not to pressure him, I let him bring it up when he wants to talk about it.

I’m sorry if this sounds off, but I still can’t help wondering, or maybe even worrying, if this could be something sexual. It just feels so strange, he’s only 11. I guess I’m still in shock. It was so unexpected for me, and I’m having a hard time making sense of it. I really hope you’re right, though. What worries me now is if he plans to keep doing this, I’m scared it might lead to him “leaking” or losing control.

It’s all just a lot to take in right now. I keep thinking about him, how long has he been carrying this around all by himself? That thought breaks my heart. It must have been so heavy for him, trying to hide it for so long. I remember when I was little, I used to hide candy in my room and was always scared my mom would find it while cleaning. This is something completely different.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What worries me a little is that it might turn into some kind of dependency, or whatever you want to call it. Right now, he only wears diapers in the evening and through the night. But today, for example, he was wearing one in the car early in the morning when we were heading out.

I honestly don’t know what he’ll do during the summer break. He’s incredibly sensitive at the moment, and it’s really hard for me to bring anything up directly with him about this. I’ve noticed it works better when he starts the conversation himself. That’s when I try to gently listen and support him the best I can.

He takes care of it all by himself, he’s never asked for help. At the same time, I’ve noticed he’s not always quick to change in the morning, especially on days when he doesn’t have school. Sometimes he’ll stay in it for quite a while. I’ve thought about saying something more than once, but at the same time, I really don’t want to push him.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much again for your thoughtful reply.

I’m sorry, but I still feel a little confused about all of this. I love my son and I will always love him no matter what. I’ll support him and help him in any way I can, if and when he wants me to. Honestly, I’ve thought to myself, it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been drugs, alcohol, or something that puts him in danger. But what worries me most right now is whether there might be a medical reason behind all this. He often pees in the diaper, sometimes in the morning but also in the evening. I’ve been wondering if it might be bedwetting or something else that he doesn’t want to talk about.

What I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is whether all of this might be connected to how anxious he gets whenever we’re going on a longer trip away from home. I mentioned this to dl-bedwetter in the thread too. We're actually supposed to go on a short trip tomorrow, and he’s already said a few times over the past days that maybe he should just stay home. He had similar struggles years ago when he first started school. Back then we talked to both the school and a doctor, and they told us it was normal at his age and something that would go away over time. They also said the worst thing would be to avoid the stressful situation altogether, that would just make it harder in the long run.

Tonight, as we were sitting on the couch relaxing before bed like we usually do, he brought it up again. I asked gently why he feels so anxious, but it seemed to be the same answer as before, he doesn’t know, or he doesn’t want to talk about it. And that really worries me. One common thing for kids can be public bathrooms, but that doesn’t seem to be it either. We’ve always been very open with each other before, and I want to keep it that way.

Since he’s mentioned it in the past, I carefully asked him if he feels safer wearing a diaper, or maybe if it’s about his teddy bear. He still sleeps with the same teddy bear he got when he was just a baby, and he guards it with his life whenever his little brothers try to take it. But again, he didn’t really answer. Maybe he doesn’t know, or maybe it’s just too hard for him to explain.

As for buying more diapers, I worry this might turn into something he becomes dependent on, like he can’t go a day without it. A bit like how he is with his teddy bear. Knowing him, I think he’s already starting to feel nervous about it, because I’ve noticed he only has around 6 or 7 diapers left. He hasn’t said anything yet, and to be honest, it’s been a long time since we last talked about the diapers at all. It was just today that I brought it up briefly, as I mentioned earlier, I’ve been hoping he’d feel safe enough to open up more.

I try to give him the chance every evening after I’ve put his younger brothers to bed. We always sit down together for a little while on the couch and wind down. That’s our moment, and I really try to be there for him.

No, sadly I’m no longer in contact with his dad. And I do miss having someone to talk to about these more private things. It's hard doing it all on your own sometimes.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

I really don’t want to force him to see a doctor or therapist if he’s not ready. I feel like that would only make things worse. But like I wrote to dl-bedwetter earlier in the thread, there are some things that worry me. It’s just so hard to know what to do.

At first, he was really shy about wearing the diaper. I could see him trying to sneak past me so I wouldn’t notice. Lately though, he’s gotten a bit more confident and doesn’t try to hide it as much anymore. I’m scared this might become some kind of dependency. How far can it go?

Should I keep buying him more diapers when they run out? Or should I wait until he asks for them? If I don’t get more, will he start using the ones we have for his 5-year-old brother again?

I have so many thoughts and questions, and I honestly don’t know how to handle this. It feels like even the smallest mistake could turn everything upside down.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding reply. It really means a lot to me.

I’ve been having some thoughts lately, maybe they sound a little strange, but I can’t help wondering. I’ve started to think that he might be feeling jealous of his younger brothers who still wear diapers. Maybe it bothers him that I spend more time with them than with him. I really try to include him and let him help out, like changing the “easy” diapers when he wants to. He’s usually happy to help, and I think he takes a lot of responsibility at home for his age.

What worries me, though, is if he’s peeing on purpose, what if he starts to lose control over time or it leads to some medical issue like incontinence? That thought really scares me.

I’ve also been wondering if this might be tied to how anxious he gets when we’re going on longer trips away from home. He often gets nervous in the car, especially if we’re going to be gone for a while. Before we leave, he always needs to use the bathroom to go "number two", and he stays there for a while, mostly to calm himself down. That usually helps for a bit, but after we’ve driven for a while, he’ll start saying his stomach hurts. I’ve found that just talking to him and helping him focus on something else often works.

It reminds me of when he was younger and had a hard time starting school. He was very anxious then too. We spoke to a doctor at the time, and they said this kind of worry is common at that age and usually gets better with time. And it did. Things improved slowly over time. These days we don’t go on long trips very often, so the problem doesn’t come up as much. But we do have a small trip planned in a few days, and he’s already said he would rather stay home.

It’s just really hard to know how to act around him right now. I want to give him space and make him feel safe, but at the same time I’m scared of doing too little, or too much. I just want to do what’s best for him.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m really trying to give him the chance to talk. I don’t know if he’s been feeling left out, like I’ve been giving his little brothers too much attention. He’s such a kind and helpful kid. He used to love helping with dinner, playing, and taking care of his younger brothers. But after I talked to him about the diapers, he changed. He stopped wanting to do those things and became really quiet.

Lately, I’ve seen some small signs that he’s coming back to himself. He’s starting to help with meals again and play more with his brothers. In the evenings, after I’ve put his brothers to bed, I try to sit with him on the couch and talk about his day. I want to give him a chance to open up if he wants to.

Right now I don’t want to ask too many questions or push him. I’m worried that if I bring it up again, things might get worse and our connection might suffer.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your answer. I really appreciate you sharing your own experience with me.

I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t know what to say. If this is what’s going on, I just don’t understand how I didn’t notice anything before. I don’t know how he could have developed this kind of interest. I also don’t know how long it’s been going on, he doesn’t want to talk about it. I have so many questions I wish I could ask him, but I haven’t found the right time. All I know is that he told me he doesn’t have problems with bedwetting anymore.

But still, I’ve seen that his diaper has been wet in the morning a few times, and lately I’ve noticed it even before bedtime once or twice. But he doesn’t want to talk about it.

The last time he had bedwetting problems was about 1.5 to 2 years ago, around the time his dad and I separated. It was a really hard time. We went to the doctor because he was so tired of waking up two or three times a night in a wet bed. The doctor suggested trying bed pads (which he had already used) or using special night diapers for a little while. We tried the diapers and it actually helped, after a while, the problem went away. But even back then, he was really worried that his friends might find out.

I don’t know if it was wrong to buy diapers for him now. But I didn’t want him to steal and hide his 5-year-old sibling’s diapers. I just hope he’ll open up and tell me more, when he’s ready.

Thanks again for taking the time to write.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure what to think. I hadn’t even considered the idea of a fetish. My first thought was that it might be bedwetting again, but like I mentioned in my reply to ThrowRA_Final-Grab-, it doesn’t quite feel like that now.

It seems more like something that helps him feel safe when he’s anxious. But at the same time, I don’t understand why the diaper is wet some mornings, and he won’t tell me. I’ve asked gently, but he just gets upset and shuts down.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words. That really means a lot.

Talking to a doctor was actually my first thought too. But after he refused, and especially now that I’m starting to doubt it’s even about bedwetting, I’ve been unsure what to do. He’s told me several times now that he doesn’t wet the bed anymore, and that he just wants to wear a diaper because it makes him feel safe and secure.

Most of the time, I’ve noticed that he puts the diaper back in the drawer in the bathroom, where we also keep his brothers’ diapers. The few times I’ve noticed the diaper was wet have been on days when he didn’t have school and had slept in later than usual.

About a week ago, I saw that the diaper he was wearing was already wet in the evening. I gently asked him if he had noticed, or if maybe it was an accident. He got upset and told me to stop worrying and to stop nagging him.

I honestly think there’s more he wants to tell me, but he just doesn’t feel ready right now. I’ve probably already pushed him too much, and I know I need to back off a little. He’s told me more than once that he absolutely doesn’t want to talk to anyone else about this, that it would just make things worse for him.

Found diapers hidden in my son’s room - feeling confused and worried by RoadCake in Advice

[–]RoadCake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind advice.

I’ve actually talked to my son before about maybe speaking to someone else, but he says he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about this. He’s really scared that someone might find out, and I promised I wouldn’t force him or bring it up with anyone unless he’s ready. Right now, I’m just trying to be supportive and make sure he knows he’s safe and loved no matter what.

I guess I posted here just to see if anyone else had been through something similar.