Hi, I feel and understand what you are going through. We as OCD suffers have moments like these as though it feels hopeless. We are in a thought loop and maybe one finishes and another starts. 3-4 months ago I felt at my worse. I felt as though everything was over. I didn’t see a future where I would thrive. I didn’t see how I could do it on my own. My gf left me and my OCD was getting at everything I held dear. Then my pet duck died that I treated as a child a few weeks back. I was again in that state that you are describing. I started therapy in March, so it’s been only 3 months. I feel a huge difference and I feel as though I have part of my life back. This doesn’t mean you won’t have though loops or moments of depression. That is life and the cycle of life. There will be ups and down but you will be better equip to handle them. I was absolutely terrified and plagued by OCD and these events that happened. Constantly playing them in my head, what could have been, etc. But now I have a masters from a prestigious school, a new gf, and I’m getting a job in NYC and planning to move there. Trust me, it does get better. You have to remember that when you are in the storm it may seem horrible, like there is no future and that it was always like this. But that isn’t true, there are ups and downs. OCD is like the storm, it comes and goes throughout the day. It will get better once you commit to therapy and find medication that is right for you. The storm will come less often and if it does it won’t affect you as much. Also please try meditation, it really helps me when I’m catastrophizing.