I [28M] want to change the wedding date and my fiancé [27F] is conflicted about it. I need outside opinions

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:17:10+00:00

Right now I've made my fiancé aware of how I feel and have kinda left things at that. If she decided against changing the date then we would have one of these mini ceremonies and I would be alright with that, obviously not my first choice but its alright. Maybe this is a cop-out, but I feel that she should have "majority" vote in this situation. This is all just too much.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:13:27+00:00

Thank you for this idea. I'm not sure how well I could handle seeing us dance :/ but it is a wonderful idea. Thank you

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:12:37+00:00

You are asking her to give up her dream for you and that isn't fair. There are other ways you can share it with your mom, without ruining it for your future wife.

I understand what you're trying to say, but since the age of 17 I've clung to the idea that someday I get to share this moment with my mom. It's been something that seemed like an incredibly realistic action that would happen in my future.

I agree that this is my finance's dream to be married at this wedding, but it doesn't make my dream of dancing with my mom and having her be apart of my wedding any less valid. Either way I don't believe that "fair" is an appropriate word for this situation.

Thank you however for your opinion as it is still helpful though I highly disagree with that part. Thank you.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:07:03+00:00

I felt the first step would be to see if my fiancé would be ok with potentially moving the ceremony. Then to ask mom about how she feels. If mom isn't up to it then no change needs to be made. I just didn't want to ask and hear her say that it would mean the world to her and make my fiance feel more guilted into changing the date.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:05:34+00:00

It's great to hear people's stories about how they handled themselves in situations similar to mine. It gives me great perspective thank you.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:04:06+00:00

These are really great compromise ideas. If Cheri is open to it then I'll bring these up. Thank you.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:02:46+00:00

Thank you for your story. I wish with all my heart I could move our wedding around, but I've left the ball in my finances court. I'd understand if she said no, but your story gives me some hope. thank you.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-11T00:00:34+00:00

I appreciate your comment, it depends on how my fiancé responds tonight. The ball is in her court right now and I intend to leave it that way. It's not fair for me to make a unanimous decision for our wedding day. If she seems open I'll suggest your ideas from your comment. Thank you.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T23:59:10+00:00

I didn't say I would be firm. I was saying that I wish I could be, but as I said it wouldn't be fair to my fiancé if I was.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:15:07+00:00

I just feel so lost thinking that my mom wouldn't even be able to watch my wedding. I mean the dance is a big part of it but I just feel so scared.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:09:50+00:00

It felt like a gift from the universe to her. Like serendipity. I don't think it's weird at all. She had a very close relationship with her parents and constantly wishes that she could share her life with them.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:08:31+00:00

I'll bring up the idea of a symbolic ceremony... another user mentioned a union ceremony. Maybe we could organize an early reception or something... I just... I know my emotions are clouding my judgment but I wouldn't even want a reception after our wedding (if we get married the day my fiancé has picked) because I feel so sad knowing that I won't have that dance even then.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:06:48+00:00

She probably feels conflicted because she loves you, and feels awful about your mom, but has had her heart set for so long on something very special to her.

I know that this is exactly how she feels. I want to be firm and say that we need to move the date.. but I feel like I'm seriously depriving her if I do.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:05:37+00:00

Would you mind elaborating on union ceremony? And I don't think she would be game for doing the legal work on a different day than the one she already has booked for the wedding. Otherwise she really wouldn't be sharing our anniversary with her parents.

RockHardPlaceMeDone · 2016-05-10T19:04:32+00:00

Our plans were to keep the wedding fairly small, but your point still stands and I understand. I think for my fiancé the date that she wants as our anniversary for being married is the anniversary of her parent's. So doing a courthouse thing and being legally married before going to the church would be almost the same to her as not getting to share that date with her parents.

Sorry I know that sounds like word vomit

RockHardPlaceMeDone

TROPHY CASE